How does a girl cut off a guy in a subtle way? I've been platonic friends with this guy for a few of months now and it is evident that he does not see me as a potential love interest, but merely a buddy. I've tried to be just his friend but unfortunately I've come to the conclusion that I can't. I find myself over analyzing him and reading into everything he says..looking for things that just aren't there. He isn't a bad guy but at the same time, I don't need any more guy friends..the ones I already have are enough. By the same token, I don't want this guy to think I am sour that he didn't like me--i would like to find a subtle way of cooling it without being too obvious. Any thoughts??

[Tony T]

Being subtle is very seldom the behavior of choice when it comes to friendships and love relationships.

In your particular case, there is no way of being subtle. There is simply no way to communicate what you need to. You can reduce contact gradually over time. Or you can simply start avoiding seeing him or taking his calls.

But the very best way, the most honest way is to straight out tell him that you have hoped that your friendship would evolve into more. It hasn't and you would prefer to not have contact with him for a period of time.

Yes, that approach may be a little awkward but you might be very surprised either at what his reaction might be...or just how good you will feel when you walk away and everything has been layed out in a truthful way.

The best policy in almost anything is just to tell it like it is, let your wishes be known and move on. That way, you have no regrets. By being truthful, you will flush him out if he has any possible feelings for you at all...and you will flush out the friendship if they aren't there. You can't lose.

Of course, you don't have to tell him you already have enough guy friends and you don't need one more. I don't think you meant that anyway. What you really feel is that you don't want to be around somebody you have feelings for if they aren't going to reciprocate and I don't blame you.

[smurfy73nik]

quote: "i would like to find a subtle way of cooling it without being too obvious. Any thoughts??"


That's a tough one! Usually, giving the "hints" of "don't call me anymore, I don't want to be your friend" tend to be obvious.

-Not returning phone calls
-"Sorry, I already have other plans"
-Not answering calls when you know it's him
-Talking for five minutes or less when you do see him, and then making an excuse to leave

I think guys will pick up on the obvious hints. But, guys seem to say, "they are not mind readers" when it comes to girls, so trying to be subtle may not work. I would recommend either giving obvious "brush offs" or just putting it bluntly. Of course, if you do the Obvious Hints, he may want an explanation, so be prepared.

[Red]

I'm madly in love with a friend of mine too!! I can't stop thinking about her and it's driving me crazy!!! ... Unfortunately she's in a committed relationship and shows no interest in me what so ever. I'm crushed. I did manage to tell her I was in love with her though. It felt good. ...course she said she was flattered and hoped we could remain friends.

..... and let me tell you, being friends with someone you're in love with hurts. ALOT!! I found myself feeling used. Constantly giving always waiting for affection that wasn't there. I know it's pathetic.

So I began to pull away ..... just two weeks ago, hoping all the while she might call me. She hasn't. But I remain committed to get over her once and for all. So hang in there. I know what you're going through.