What I would like to know is....if you have a 'mutually' good first date is it always the case that the guy falls over himself to contact you and arrange to see you again - as though nothing would stop in his way...or is it more 'normal' for a guy to continue with his life and not overly contact you any more than before the first date?
From past experience, the guys that have been oh so ultra keen have turned out to be pretty insincere.....so am thinking what is more natural, genuine behaviour if you go on a date and with a girl and feel you have some sort of connection.....
Also what should the girl do. I don't want to come on too strong by overly contacting him, but then there is also the thing that guys like forward girls who make the move......
Sending the guy a text within 24h following the date to thank him and tell him you had a great time and would love to do this again is a nice move in my opinion. It's sweet, genuine, not overwhelming, and it leaves the door open for him to respond by casually offering another date. It will make things easier for him too as this will reassure him that you did indeed have a good time; so he won't be doubting and wondering how he should proceed next, and it will give him that extra push to keep the ball rolling.
I know people say that the guy should make the next move after the first date, blah blah, but a nice little thank you text has never hurt.
I would expect a guy to be extremely keen if we had a good first date - if he's not keen in the beginning, when will he ever be? I want a guy who's falling over himself to contact me, because I'm a very emotional and affectionate person who likes a lot of contact, and I feel unhappy when my man isn't the same way - if he isn't falling over himself to contact me then we're probably not compatible anyway.
I would say if you expect him to be falling over himself to contact you, then you should do the same, otherwise he'll feel you aren't reciprocating his attention. If you like a guy to be more reserved then be more reserved yourself - act as you would like to be treated, at least it's honest and the guy gets some idea about what you'd be like in a relationship. I hate when guys are all attentive for the first few months, then once you're in a relationship they relapse back into their normal behaviour of not being particularly emotional - if I'd known they were like that I wouldn't have wasted my time!
There's a world of difference between connecting a day or so after a first date to set up a second one, and being in touch 4 or 5 (or more) times within a day. The former is, IMO, respectful and interested. The latter is just clingy and smothering.
By all means, contact him. Yes, secure men DO appreciate women who aren't afraid to take initiative. It shows confidence, and that's never a bad thing.
By 'keen' I did mean the clingy and smothering type. I seem to fall for that though - the charmer who says what he knows you want to hear etc etc. But I'm trying not to stress that just because a guy doesn't behave in that way doesn't mean that he isn't interested - it's just that maybe he is more genuine with his feelings!!!
Thanks, I did what you suggested actually - 24 hrs after the date I texted him to say I really enjoyed myself and that hopefully we could meet up again soon blah blah blah. He did reply positively, but as he is going away this week (for a week) he was a bit vague as to 'when' the next date would be....'when he got back'. I guess I'm being a little impatient and wanting something more concrete!!!
I say let the man make contact first, especially in the early stages. If he likes you, you can bet your behind he will.
Not so sure about this.
If a man is *required* to do all the contacting and the woman takes no responsibility in that area, it won't take long before the guy figures, "I guess she's just not interested, she's taking no initiative at all. Never mind. I'll find someone else who's more interested."
A relationship is a two-way street. Expecting him to do all the contacting without reciprocation will only breed resentment and a sense that she simply doesn't care.
I think you're right Thaddeus - and it's great to get a male perspective.
Us girls are pre-conditioned into believing that we should sit back and let the man do all the running, make all the decisions etc. and that to make the first move, contact, or ask out on a date etc is too forward and the man will see it as needy.
I think I'm going to go with your reckoning. I want an equal relationship, one where we each make decisions and are both happy to make suggestions....
Us girls are pre-conditioned into believing that we should sit back and let the man do all the running, make all the decisions etc.
It's a common misconception and harkens back to a day when women were expected to be demure and passive.
But those days are done. Thank goodness. You have a right - no, not just a right, a responsibility - to take charge of your own happiness. Sitting around waiting for the phone to ring is hardly the responsible thing to do (though, alas, even some women who insist on equality in everything else still labor under this delusion that it should always be up to the man to make the move).
I'm glad you think like a modern woman. Props to you!
Good luck! I hope it goes well - and I have a sense that it will.
Just had a great date last night. Thanks to this thread, I'll send her a text prob. tonight and ask her out for Saturday. Thanks!
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Honey, I just don't feel like we're Facebooking enough. You never comment on my status updates. I just don't think it's working out. I am going to have to unfriend you. We can still be friends on MySpace, though. I'm really sorry. Maybe I'll send you an Evite someday.
no, actually we like girls who respond to our moves
Exactly.
Let's say I go on a great first date with a guy. He then calls me in the next few days to set a second date. I respond to his voice with warmth and happiness to hear from him. I tell him what a great time I had and express my excitement about seeing him again. We end the call with me feeling happy that he followed up for a second date, and him feeling happy that I was so responsive and excited about seeing him again.
Second date is a blast, like the first, and we keep it rolling from there. All dude has to do is keep picking up the phone and inviting me on fun dates. All the while, I am chiming in with ideas for fun things I'd love to do with him, and he is showing he is invested by doing a bit of his own research into possible events, dates, etc., and inviting me.
This is how I have always done it, and things have always unfolded in a fun and exciting way.
So, if I read this right, it's always up to the guy to pick up the phone and do the inviting?
I wouldn't hang around waiting for a guy to contact me! If I like him and I want to see him again, I'll pick up the phone and invite him out. That way he knows I'm interested, there are no misunderstandings about whether I like him or not, no pressure on him to be the one who calls me. The ball is in his court and he knows I'm interested, so if he doesn't respond it's his loss, and at least I know I tried and didn't lose him by sitting back and doing nothing.
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