[ReneeRose]

Was i abused as a child or is this normal? how many spanking is abuse and how many is discipline?

As a child i remember getting spankings for messing up but now i believe that sometimes they were excessive and more like abuse then discipline. but then along with the spankings my grandmother would tell me, my sister, and my cousin how worthless we were. she would jab us in the chest with her fingers and tell us how we were selfish little brats who didn't give a dam about any one but our selves and didn't care that our mom was so fat she could have a heart attack and die any day now. To me that was normal, and the child abuse they were talking about on tv was not what was happening to me i was getting disciplined for something i did. but now today im socially awkward, when someone starts yelling even if they aren't being physical i have a panic attack. i don't trust just any one but those i do trust i seam to put my full trust in. I have come to realize that what happened to me was not normal, that i was abused some physically but mainly emotionally. cause of that in times of stress im over emotional and have a hard time dealing with things. i cant afford to see any one but the few times i did talk to a counselor they didn't seam to be any help.

how do you work through all that pain? i thought i could just lock it away and forget about it and it was working till my mother-in-law got mad at my husband and me and started yelling at us thats when i realized my method was not working. please help?

[sugarmomma]

If someone yells at you, you should be able to set a boundary with them to insure that they are more respectful.

it sounds like you also have wek boundaries. iwould never stay in the company of someone yelling at me after I have told them not to.

I was spanked as a child but not verbally abused and told I was worthless. I think the verbal abuse is much worse than spankings. I can't imagine my family saying horrible things like that to me as a child. But my grandma did spank my but then followed up with love as opposed to verbal abuse which made a world of difference.

I have a cousin that calls her kids ugly and stupid and it makes me so angry with her because she doesn't understand the impact that has on a child.

Just work on your self esteem and self worth and know that you are worthy of healthy loving relationships and you will start to believe it. Start to love yourself and also set clear firm boundaries with people who disrespect you.

I was in a verbally abusive r that tore down my self esteem and I have had a long road rebuilding it but it has been done.

[JCTC]

In my time school children from my country were canned ruthlessly for discipline infractions or grades that did not please the instructor. I find corporal punishment often becomes a way with which the authority figure vent his or her anger and frustration at a social inferior. I would say that what your grandmother did has the potential of doing you psychology harm and that you felt that way proved it to be the case.

Low self-esteem and tendency to unleash complete trust on a lover is very dangerous. My gf has similiar issues and suffered horrific abuse with her ex. Remember that sincerely in love is predicated on respect of the partner's dignity, autonomy and well-being; if you are not treated with the same spirit that you tend the other, he/she does not love you.

[Green]

if what happended to u as a kid haunts you then try and speak to a counsler or some one about it. Good luck