Well, my girlfriend of almost 2 months says she is not ready for a relationship right now. I saw something like this coming. The past couple of weeks have been really stressful because it's like she didn't know what she wanted. Well about 10 minutes ago on messenger she tells me she is not ready for a relationship.
She says she still hasn't gotten over her last relationship (which was bad) and she jumped into this one too soon. I can understand that, but why did she even get involved in this one? The problem is, I kinda fell for her, and I think it might hurt. Not too bad because I was kinda preparing for it. Either I was gonna break it up or she was. I doubt she will be that affected by it considering how many relationships she has been in.
So tonight I am going over to see her so we can talk all about it.
The thing is, I think she may want to continue being friends or something. I don't know if I can do this. Should I try? When she is ready for a relationship, if she wants to try again with me, what should I do? If this hurts any more than it does now, I don't think I can handle it. I don't just wanna be a "guy friend" for awhile since I like her so much...
The thing is, we work in the same building, so we have to kinda see each other every day (not really though). But anyways, I don't think she is breaking up with me to see someone else (although it's possible, but not likely), but because of the baggage rom her last relationship and the fact she is going to school and working full time. It's really hard for both of us actually.
So what should I do?? If it really hurts to break up with her, I don't think I can take it again. And I'm not sure about the friends thing. It's like I'm thinking of telling her you have one chance with me and that's it. But that wouldn't be right, would it? And to top it off, Valentine's Day is coming up. Of course I was gonna get her something, but now what??? What do you all think?
Last edited by mighty bop; 3rd February 2003 at 7:07 PM.
Why do you want to make this such a formal deal? She told you she doesn't want a relationship...so just leave it at that. If you want her fires of passion to flare for you, the only way that will happen is if you are cool. There is no need to talk...nothing to talk about. She's given you the drill...and that's that.
Be her friend, but be somewhat at a distance. If she is being truthful with you about needing time to get over her last relationship, when she is ready for something new you will know it. Meanwhile, just carry on and don't let her know you are so bothered by this. Be understanding, be cool and just be yourself.
Nothing will turn her off more than if you make such a big deal and seem so hurt. But if you appear to be fully supportive, understanding and especially if you have many other things to do, it will drive her out of her mind.
You ought to cancel your meeting with her. Just call her and tell her you fully understand where she's coming from and you want her to be happy. Make the call brief, letting her know you've got some people you have to meet...or whatever.
I personally think her deal about getting over a past relationship is a crock of crap. She's been seeing you for two months now and all of a sudden she comes up with this? I think you've probably been a bit smothering in her eyes. If you really like her, back off big time and watch the change in her attitude.
OK well I just met her. Yes we broke up She was crying and I was not. I was actually smiling and everything but on the inside I was hurting. I am gonna go over there after work again so we can talk. Yes she wants to be friends just like I guessed but I really don't know if I can do that as much as I like her. I think I would only be hurting myself in the end. We met and talked and then went to her apartment. Just being in there with all the memories of what's happened there in the past was hard. I don't know if I can just be friends with her. I asked her "So later on down the road you're not gonna see if we can get back together again?" and she says "No that would be wrong..."
I'm not sure what to think about this. How can she still be friends with me if she still likes me?? This is really weird and I'm not sure if I should do it. I'm tempted to ask her "Let me ask you, is there any chance of us getting back together?" Should I ask her this?
Has anyone been in the same situation as me? I would really like to hear from you.
Tony, I know what you mean by just playing it cool and everything but damn I really like this girl and I think it would be really hard to do. Although maybe this is some kind of test????
YOU WRITE: "Tony, I know what you mean by just playing it cool and everything but damn I really like this girl and I think it would be really hard to do. Although maybe this is some kind of test????"
How much you like this girl is immaterial. It's obvious you're going to have to learn some things on your own. If you don't have the self-control to be cool, follow your own gut feelings. But, trust me, if you think you can direct the course of love you are very wrong. Nobody has the power to do that.
You know what I'm thinking now? She is testing me to see if I want her only for sex. Her last boyfriend used her for sex and didn't realize it until the end. So now she is just giving me the test. Jesus why didn't I see this before?? Haha, this will be no sweat.............
You are analyzing this way way too much. Just back off and get a life. Let the dust settle. She told you she didn't want a relationship...respect her wishes and leave it alone.
Yeah you're right I am analyzing this too much but for crying out loud I can't help it!! I guess all I can really do is back off, play it cool and be her friend. Then yes, time will pass and we will see what happens. But I'll tell you this much....I don't think I can do it for very long!!!
When you get good at being cool, you'll get more love than you know what to do with. If you think you can force things to happen, you're living on the wrong planet.
Oh I'm definitely not one for trying to force things to happen. Like I said I will play it cool and see how long I can last....pray for me.....I'm going in............
Last edited by mighty bop; 3rd February 2003 at 11:04 PM.
So I went over there to hang out and talk or whatever. But all she was doing when I got there was watching tv. I guess I kinda was hoping tha she would tell me that she changed her mind or whatever, but no. It was really uncomfortable so I had to leave. The funny thing is she was acting like nothing was wrong at all. I don't get it. She was crying earlier and now she is fine. Well, she has been through a number of breakups so she's probably used to it, although she was the one who never initiated the breakup. And she never remained friends with her ex. But she wants to be friends with me. Like I said before, I'm gonna try, but if it constantly feels like it did last night, I won't do it.
I think you should forget about being friends, at least for the short term. Give yourself a few months to move on and get over this first.
Don't you think seeing her as friends is going to make it even harder for you to get over it?
Don't you think when you see her as friends you are going to constantly be hoping she'll change her mind and come back to you?
Don't you think when you see her as friends you are going to constantly be thinking about winning her back?
Etc...
Doesn't work. It just doesn't. The only way to remain friends with an ex is if it is a 100% mutual break up (so neither party wants the other one back) and enough time has gone by that both parties have gone on with their lives.
Date other girls! This was only a two month relationship. Just think, three months ago you were doing completely different things. Get yourself back to that mindset!
Clia, I think you're right. I will be thinking all those things. I guess you can say it it's a mutual breakup since I don't want her if she doesn't want me. I'll pretty much be over it in a couple days, so it's no big deal. And I'd actually like to hang out with her and do friends stuff like playing tennis, etc.
I would like to date other girls but as it is right now, my schedule is pretty full. And by the way 3 months ago I was in another relationship! Doh! Oh well........
Sorry for your situation. I think you should just let her be. If you are there to be her friend and such... she will continue to keep you as a friend (not a bad thing if you want her as a friend) If you cut her off then she'll have time to miss you.
Right now you are being too available to her... she is calling the shots and pretty much knows that she's got you tied around her finger.
As her friend... are you willing to listen to her stories about a new relationship??? If not, then you're not being a "true" friend. If you do enjoy hanging around her and things... let some time pass otherwise she is going to take advantage of you. If you show her you can live your life without her... it will get her thinking.
This is just my opinion... take it or leave it.
But from your picture, you are attractive and from your writings you seem like a really sweet guy... let a girl who deserves you have you... don't sell yourself short.
Thanks for the comments and compliments Sketchy. I think you made some good points.
Not bragging or anything here, but from what she has told me about her last relationships, it seems like I was the best boyfriend she has had. I guess she just isn't ready for a relationship right now. That's why she want's to be friends with me. This is my guess. Or she is testing me like I said before.
I guess I could listen to her tell about her new relationships. But she said she would not be in a relationship in a long time. I guess we'll see. Never done it before, but I am willing to try.
I think I will let some time pass. How long do you think?
I know what you mean about not selling myself short and I kinda think I did with her. It's just that I haven't been with too many girls and when I met her, I really liked her so I guess I thought "I'll just settle for her...." I know I could definitely do better though. Anyways, I'll let you know how this "friends" thing works.
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She was crying and I was not. I was actually smiling and everything but on the inside I was hurting. I am gonna go over there after work again so we can talk. Yes she wants to be friends just like I guessed but I really don't know if I can do that as much as I like her. I think I would only be hurting myself in the end. We met and talked and then went to her apartment. Just being in there with all the memories of what's happened there in the past was hard. I don't know if I can just be friends with her. I asked her "So later on down the road you're not gonna see if we can get back together again?" and she says "No that would be wrong..." 
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