[questionheart]

Well I've been dating a guy for 5 weeks now. Havent seen him in almost 2 weeks although we talk on phone everyday.

So at the beginning of the week he mentions that we will see each other sometime this weekend either on Friday or saturday . He said he would let me know which was better because he and his buddy wanted to do some project thingy.

He asked me which is best for me and I said Friday.

Ok so tonight he calls and asks me if Id still rather see him tonight because he has some things he wanted to show his buddy tonight.

So I said that it was fine and we could just see each other tomorrow night. So he said, "Are you sure? You arent all dressed up are you?"

And i said that it was fine and that we could do it tomorrow.

So then he said "OK cool" and that was that.

So....should I read into this as him not being that into me or what?

[Cora]

I would say it depends on how often he breaks these dates. Is this a one time thing or has it happened before? If this is the first time then I think I would not read anymore into it and give him another chance. Although it was kind of crappy how all of a sudden he wants to change plans with you to show some things to his buddy after already agreeing that Friday was good for him to go out with you.

If however this happens quite often then I would definitely move on. I had a guy who would break dates with me constantly at the last minute. He let me choose which day was better for me so I chose and then he would come up at the last minute saying how other plans have come up so we would reschedule for the following day. The next day would come and at the last minute he would contact me again saying how oh he just wasn't feeling well or something. This became a habit and one time he even cancelled on me after I was already halfway there (which was 30 minutes away). He said that things just came up and he was going out with his buddies instead. That right there is not being that into you. I don't think you should worry too much yet but if he ever does it again I wouldn't waste anymore time with him.

[norajane]

We teach people how to treat us.

You just taught him that it's ok to break a date at the last minute.

You just taught him that you think his activities are more important than your plans.

You just taught him that you have nothing better to do than be available for him whenever he decides he has nothing better to do than see you.

That may sound a little harsh for a first offense, but keep this in mind and see what happens.

[Island Girl]

Originally Posted by norajane

We teach people how to treat us.

You just taught him that it's ok to break a date at the last minute.

You just taught him that you think his activities are more important than your plans.

You just taught him that you have nothing better to do than be available for him whenever he decides he has nothing better to do than see you.

That may sound a little harsh for a first offense, but keep this in mind and see what happens.

Exactly.

And he has shown you that his buddy comes before getting to know you or spending time with you -- and I can guarantee this buddy sees him often and has much of his available time.

The beginning of the relationship is when you generally see that other person's "BEST".
Then as time goes on and you learn more about them you get more of the reality.

If this is his best I'd hate to see how he is later!

Sorry hun, I would have already been done.
"You ask me what is best for me - I choose - and then you feel that you can just call and switch it?!! As if my time means nothing?!! And I don't have other things I could be doing that I didn't do because (ahem) I made PLANS with YOU??!! Yeah pal - won't be doing that again. Sure it's okay if you spend time with your buddy instead. Spend all the time in the world with him. Don't call me again." *click*

But that's me.

Hey. Maybe that is why this never happened to me...?

[Cora]

Then again the above posters probably provided better advice for you. If you allow it to go too far then they will think that it's okay...hence my situation. I kind of wish I would have not been so understanding. You really do teach them how to treat you...it's sooo true!

[norajane]

I would have just told him it was up to him what he chose to do, but that I would not be able to see him the next night because I had other plans, which is why I told him Friday would be better for me.

That way, you leave the choice up to him and you find out what is important to him - seeing you this weekend or not.

[questionheart]

well i mean he did ask if it was ok, i guess if i said it wasnt then we'd be together right now...

[Star Gazer]

Originally Posted by norajane

I would have just told him it was up to him what he chose to do, but that I would not be able to see him the next night because I had other plans, which is why I told him Friday would be better for me.

Ding ding ding!

Also, I don't like that he TOLD you that you'd be seeing each other sometime this weekend, rather than asking you if you were free. How presumptuous of him.

[Island Girl]

Originally Posted by Star Gazer

Ding ding ding!

Also, I don't like that he TOLD you that you'd be seeing each other sometime this weekend, rather than asking you if you were free. How presumptuous of him.

Yeah like as if HIS is the only schedule he needs to worry about and you should be thrilled he is fitting you in.

Then he changes the plans he confirmed with you because he wants to show his buddy something.
And the other night this weekend he was doing a project with a buddy.
So he is either busy tomorrow night or he is changing plans with his buddy at the last minute too.

This reminds me of my friends boyfriend who always gets put off. Her boyfriend is always late for plans (like hours) and she says "oh, he's just like that. He does it to everybody." As if that makes it okay! He is inconsiderate and a jackass to everybody "it's just who he is".
Needless to say she doesn't call me when she is frustrated or upset about it anymore because I always tell her - You are the one who puts up with it".

[LucreziaBorgia]

Last minute = lower priority

You can't make a man re-prioritize you, but you can make it crystal clear that you don't 'do' last minute.

Just say, hey - I usually have a lot going on myself, and if we are going to get together, I need to know some concrete plans X days ahead of time so I can plan my week.

If he keep canceling, I would simply make it impossible for him to get in touch with you. Make it clear that you are busy - too busy for 'last minute' BS.