[hj2009]

I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend that is bothering me a little bit - I'm wondering if I am right to be bothered, or if I am looking too much into things.

For some background information, we are both 23 years old and have been dating for almost a year and a half. We also live together. I work full time, and she is in the middle of her graduate program.

In any case, I have always had this feeling like she might end up choosing her career over our relationship. She used to talk a lot about some of her professional goals (such as getting a Phd), but would not talk about how I fit into the equation. I brought this up with her a while ago, and was generally satisfied with her response - basically that I was definitely in her plans and that I was just looking into things too much.

So, a couple days ago, we had a conversation about some places that we might like to live.

I asked her about a pretty specific scenario: if I have a job in a particular city that I enjoy and want to keep, and she needs to start looking for jobs, will she look for jobs in a different city?

I told her that if the situation were reversed, and I was looking for jobs, I would only look in places where she was - which is true.

She would not commit to saying that. She said she would certainly talk with me about it and do everything she could, but that she has no idea what things will be like at the time. She also said that she did not work so hard to get some crappy job.

When I pressed her about it a little more, she said that if we were engaged, things would obviously be different.

Now, I don't think it's unreasonable at all for people to put work above their relationship. It happens all the time.

It does bother me though, that I am willing to commit to something that she is not willing to commit to. It makes me feel like I value the relationship more than she does.

The whole "it would be different if we were engaged" thing bothers me some as well because she is basically asking me to commit even more, without committing to anything herself.

I don't know - this is not something that will really come up for at least another year, but something about it doesn't make me feel good.

Thoughts?