[HelianthusRay]

Hi...let me tell my story as quickly and briefly as I can.

I am a 21-year-old college student who has been dependent on my parents for most of my college life for things like rent, school, etc. I had attended college in my home state for three years, and this summer I traveled 1000 miles to take summer classes in another state (at a school I have been considering for grad. school). My parents didn't really support it, but they still helped me get out here. We haven't had a good relationship for a very long time. My mom likes to pretend that we are a perfect family, but it is far from the truth. My parents have been very controlling since I turned 12 or 13, well particularly my mother. I have been verbally, emotionally, and physically abused (disciplined....at 18-19??) and it has done major damage to my self-esteem and ability to function properly. A quick example of this: When I was 15, I developed an eating disorder....of course I hid it from my parents and the rest of the world. Finally, after almost a year, I broke down at school and told a counselor, who told my mom. She picked me up from school, slapped me, and told me that I was ruining our family image and that WE don't have those kinds of problems. I never got the help I needed for my eating disorder, and it still haunts me. I still have months where I engage in unhealthy behaviors. This is beside the point.

Well, I apologize if this next part sounds foolish. Over a year ago, I became friends with someone with whom I shared many interests, goals, and amazing, mutual friends (this person lived 1000 mi away from me!) Eventually, we started dating. My parents knew this and at first didn't do much about it except tell me that I should end it (this person is also fifteen years older than me). Of course, I didn't...because finally I was happy for the first time in a long time. My boyfriend and I did things like hiking the Grand Canyon, and climbing a mountain together. We had some amazing bonding experiences and have been able to see each other as just...people...rather than a number or a location. Now my mom is telling me that I must choose between him and her. She told my whole extended family that I am mentally ill and would rather live with a pervert then be loved by them (she has never even met him. She told him to call her, and he did, but she never answered or returned the calls....we have been planning on him meeting her but I guess nevermind!). She told me that if I don't come home, she is taking my personal things to the dump and selling my car. She said she will never forgive me. She took all of the money out of my bank account, and I now have 100 dollars to my name. Right now, I am living in a dorm, but I MUST be out by next Thursday, and if I don't make a decision soon, I will be living on the streets, literally.

My dad offered to buy a plane ticket home only if I will apologize to the entire family and if I will never talk to my "loser lover" again. Apologize for what? Being happy? I'm sorry...I am wondering if it safe to go back there...I feel like I will never become a healthy, functioning adult if I do because they will continue to control me. I realize I have been dependent on them financially, but I am willing to change that for my health and happiness. The one thing I feel bad about is seeing my family hurt.
My boyfriend also offered me a plane ticket and his home. His family and friends have been very supportive of me coming there and are helping me find a job. I would take out loans to go to school where he lives and try to work and finish school simulatenously. But my family would probably not speak to me for a very, very long time. I am afraid of this, but I don't know if it is completely because I have never been away from them really or because I am afraid of their control and losing my self-esteem and dreams again.

Please help....this is a problem which must be solved literally today.