I went out with a guy once, but I don't really want to date him. He's a nice guy, but I'm just not attracted to him. He left a message for me asking if we could go out again. My inclination is to not respond, but that seems kind of rude. On the other hand, calling him back to tell him that I'm not that into him seems rude also. So what's the best way to turn a guy down? Also, would it be inappropriate to suggest that we just be friends. I would like the guy as a friend, but at the same time I don't want to lead him on.
Honesty is the best way. From my experience as a guy, I respected the girls that had the stones to be honest with me. I wasn't left guessing. Just a nice, "Hey, you're a sweet guy but I just don't feel it." It's honest and it lets him down easily. It's the truth. He should understand that not everyone feels sparks.
Don't do the no response in the hopes that he "gets it" because then he'll think you are playing hard to get and keep asking you to do things. It's spineless.
__________________
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
You cant have him as a friend when he likes you. So forget that.
You have to call him and tell him straight up that youre not attracted to him and you wont be dating him anymore. Its not rude to a guy, He will appreciate it. If you dont, he will keep calling you and you'll just feel awkward trying to avoid him.
__________________ ADF: People don't lie to spare other people; people lie to spare themselves. Anybody who says, "it's not you, it's me" is beneath contempt.
I can't say a lot more than what I said in those. (Short version of my opinion: simple honesty can be delivered kindly, and will be the most likely path to ending it respectfully on both sides.)
__________________ All that is now, All that is gone, All that's to come, and everything under the sun is in tune...
The girl in class I asked out last week if she already had a bf why did she give me her number then when i asked her out?
She either wants easy attention from you, she sees you as a wimp
or she wants to see if you will be a better fit than her bf.
I believe the former.
Start talkin dirty to her. if she doesnt respond the way you want, stop talking to her. Or make her introduce you to her friends. And I mean MAKE her. If she wants to use you for attention, make sure all you talk about is her single friends and what parties you can use her as a wingman at.
She either wants easy attention from you, she sees you as a wimp
or she wants to see if you will be a better fit than her bf.
I believe the former.
Start talkin dirty to her. if she doesnt respond the way you want, stop talking to her. Or make her introduce you to her friends. And I mean MAKE her. If she wants to use you for attention, make sure all you talk about is her single friends and what parties you can use her as a wingman at.
What u mean talk dirty? Like tell her I wanna bone her?
Honesty is the best way. From my experience as a guy, I respected the girls that had the stones to be honest with me. I wasn't left guessing. Just a nice, "Hey, you're a sweet guy but I just don't feel it." It's honest and it lets him down easily. It's the truth. He should understand that not everyone feels sparks.
Don't do the no response in the hopes that he "gets it" because then he'll think you are playing hard to get and keep asking you to do things. It's spineless.
Thank you. Honesty, that's the best way to save a guy's feelings.
I'm with WTRanger. Your best bet is to tell him outright but politely "Hey, you're a sweet guy but I just don't feel it." If he kirks out and goes ballistic, then just know you dodged a bullet. Beyond this, you'll have to gauge the situation. Only you will be there when the message is delivered to him. You'll know how to proceed from there with a "I hope we can still be friends" or not depending on the vibe. No point offering to extend the friendship if he's blaming you and all women for not wanting to pursue anything further with him....Oh yeah...been on the receiving end of that once!...
Just be straight up and tell him there isn't anything there. I had this done to me in March (and there really wasn't anything there, so it's all good). I'd have a lot more respect for a girl who does this rather than if she just doesn't respond.
If he can't take that as an answer, then he's got other problems and you're better off anyway.
Tell him something like "he's a great guy, but we are not a match". You could email or text him. That way you say no without ignoring him. This is how a woman recently rejected me.
I'll go against the grain here and admit that the only way I dump guys is by ignoring them. They have served their purpose, why waste any more of my time?
Similiarly, I prefer guys to just dissapear rather than explain to me why they're no longer interested. In my mind, the few guys I have gone out with who have stopped calling have all been killed in freak accidents.
I'll go against the grain here and admit that the only way I dump guys is by ignoring them. They have served their purpose, why waste any more of my time?
Well then you're clearly not familiar with the concept of common courtesy... so those guys you ignored are probably better off without you. And just because guys did it to you doesn't make it any more right.
This kind of s**t REALLY irritated me when I was single. You meet what you think is a nice women, take her out, spend your hard earned money on a nice evening together only to never hear from her again. Totally classless move.
The best way to turn down a guy is to just do it. It doesn't even have to be a phone call. A quick e-mail (or even a text message... something!) will suffice just saying something to the effect of, "I had a nice time, but I'm not interested in a second date. Good luck to you." No explanation is necessary, either.
Look, nobody likes telling someone that they don't like them. That I get. But again, it's a common courtesy. Ignoring them IS a time waster because it leaves the other person guessing what happened, as opposed to moving on, when you have clearly already done so. Only an inconsiderate coward vanishes into thin air.
__________________
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride
I've recently spoken to a few girls and they seem to think it's rude for a guy to tell them "thanks but I'm not interested". This seems to be pretty even across the board. They have told me they prefer to be ignored than to be told the truth. I prefer to be treated with respect and honesty, if I've spent some time with you (even just one date) I think it's common courtesy to hear, "I had a nice time but I don't think we would make a good match" or any variation of that. I feel like I'm dealing with a child when she ignores me, to me, it shows a lack of maturity and willingness to deal with the consequences of your actions.
Date responsibly, It doesn't cost you anything and it does make you a better person.
Last edited by rod_in_gtown; 4th July 2009 at 11:50 AM..
Well then you're clearly not familiar with the concept of common courtesy... so those guys you ignored are probably better off without you. And just because guys did it to you doesn't make it any more right.
Amen to that!
Quote:
Originally Posted by rod_in_gtown
I've recently spoken to a few girls and they seem to think it's rude for a guy to tell them "thanks but I'm not interested". This seems to be pretty even across the board. They have told me they prefer to be ignored than to be told the truth. I prefer to be treated with respect and honesty, if I've spent some time with you (even just one date) I think it's common courtesy to hear, "I had a nice time but I don't think we would make a good match" or any variation of that. I feel like I'm dealing with a child when she ignores me, to me, it shows a lack of maturity and willingness to deal with the consequences of your actions.
Date responsibly, It doesn't cost you anything and it does make you a better person.
If I go out with someone and I am not interested in him, I don't contact him to say that. If he doesn't ask me out again, there is no need to let him know I'm not interested. Perhaps that's what those girls above were referring to?
Then again I am clear at the end of the first date whether I'm interested. If I am not interested, I thank him for the time and the meal or coffee or drink and that I have to continue my day. If I am interested, I say that I enjoyed his company and that if he wants to see me again, to give me a call.
If he does ask me out again and I am not interested, that's when I let him know that I while I enjoyed his company, I don't feel chemistry and that I don't want to waste his time.
__________________ "Remember, the bill always comes due" - Morgananda
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
