[Browneyezz]

Hello all..

I am new here. I could really use some advice on my cheating boyfriend. Here's my situation. I met my b/f in 2007. We are in the "alternative" lifestyle which we have an open relationship. Yes, we do have rules and guidelines in our relationship. He moved here in a small town in PA from a big city in VA in 2007 when our daughter was born. It was quite an adjustment for him.

Lately, he has been sneaky w/ his phone calls and is texting excessively to another female not in the lifestyle. After reading his texts without his knowledge I found out that he had slept w/ this woman. After confronting him on his texting he denies sleeping w/ her. He still texts and calls her.

Now my insecurities are in full force and I want to check up on his cell phone logs and texts all the time which is driving me crazy. I need some advice on how to get over this mess and move on. I do want to try to salvage our relationship for our daughter sake. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Thanks!

Frustrated in PA

[Untouchable_Fire]

Originally Posted by Browneyezz

Now my insecurities are in full force and I want to check up on his cell phone logs and texts all the time which is driving me crazy. I need some advice on how to get over this mess and move on. I do want to try to salvage our relationship for our daughter sake. Any suggestions are appreciated.

You have an open relationship... I'm struggling to see how this is much of a big deal. The definition of open means both of you will be sleeping with other people... doesn't this just come with the territory?

If you are having problems... maybe you should consider closing the relationship.

[carhill]

He broke the rules (I'm assuming regarding emotional involvement and disclosure); his choice is solitude and child support/visitation or following the rules you both agreed to. Pretty simple. Hope he chooses wisely

[Dexter Morgan]

Originally Posted by Browneyezz

Hello all..

I am new here. I could really use some advice on my cheating boyfriend. Here's my situation. I met my b/f in 2007. We are in the "alternative" lifestyle which we have an open relationship.

then he isn't cheating.

Yes, we do have rules and guidelines in our relationship.

doesn't matter. you either agree that you both will be sleeping with other people....or you don't.

I always gotta laugh when I hear swingers say they sleep with other people, oh, but there are rules!!

Lately, he has been sneaky w/ his phone calls and is texting excessively to another female not in the lifestyle.

what does it matter if she isn't into the lifestyle or not?

After reading his texts without his knowledge I found out that he had slept w/ this woman.

so?...have you slept with other men?

After confronting him on his texting he denies sleeping w/ her. He still texts and calls her.

of course, you are in an open relationship. If you don't like him having sex with other women, and no longer want to sleep with other men yourself, then you shouldn't be agreeing to an open relationship.

and don't give me the bunk about "the rules"

Now my insecurities are in full force and I want to check up on his cell phone logs and texts all the time which is driving me crazy. I need some advice on how to get over this mess and move on.

I don't think negating the open relationship agreement will do anything. People obviously agree to these relationships because they don't want to be tied down with having sex with just one person.

so you break up and find someone else and don't agree to the stupid idea of an open relationship. Only time its not stupid is when both parties will never get jealous or don't care that they are sleeping with someone else.

either you can handle swinging, or you can't.

[carhill]

Why would the BF deny he's having sexual relations with another woman if they're in an open relationship? I don't get that. It should all just be, well, out in the open, right? Full and contemporaneous disclosure.

OP, could you help us with your 'rules'?

[norajane]

After reading his texts without his knowledge I found out that he had slept w/ this woman. After confronting him on his texting he denies sleeping w/ her. He still texts and calls her.

So, he's lying to you. You can't fix a relationship where someone's comfortable and content to lie and deceive. You can't. Especially if he won't even admit he's lying and attempt to repair the damage.

Time to move on. He can still be a father to your child, and he does not have to be with you to do that.