Is it wrong to use rebound relationships?

[asuman]

I'm doing my best to forget, give up and move on. But it's not easy. And right now I'm very tempted to jump at an opportunity to date someone else who I know is interested in me. I'm kind of interested in her, but go read my posts over the past few weeks folks... I'm clearly, badly hung up on the "ex".

 

So the question is: What are the ethics of using a rebound relationship to get over someone else? All my friends want me to do it, because obviously they just want me to forget about the ex. Isn't it wrong to do this knowing that it's probably not going to end well for the new girl?

[Thomas X Forever]

I rebounded with a few girls over the past few months. And wanna know what I think about it?

 

Short answer?

 

Don't ****ing do it.

 

It's ego boosting to have all these girls hang over you and do this and that for you and stuff, but it ends nasty when you still think of the one you love at night before you fall asleep.

 

DON'T DO IT.

 

 

 

P.S., get new friends. They don't care about you/people if they told you to go and temporarily wreck peoples lives. They sound like idiots.

EVERY one of my friends told me to stay away from girls, but I didn't listen because I was a selfish idiot. So now take it from someone who did what you want to do.

 

It's BAD

[huck]

With Thomas on this one - Its a big No No

 

I had a rebound a couple of weeks after I split with my ex.. Its great to feel wanted again - but its not fair on the other person.. Your messing around with someone elses emotions as well - when you should be focusing on yourself..

 

With my rebound I ended up breaking it off and giving things another try with my ex - and to make things worse the rebound was a friend... She hates my guts now which is fair enough I suppose..

 

Just take some time out - You'll know when its time to start dating again once ur properly over the split... All the best bud..

[guitarplayer1234]

No don't do it. What happens if the person really falls for you, yet you have no plans to have anything serious with them? This is just going to leave them heartbroken and possibly they will have to deal with the same pain you are going through right now. Maybe you can casually go on some dates, but before you do be honest with them. Tell them you aren't looking for anything serious right now because you are still getting over something from the past. I've been talking with a few nice guys and I told them all I could offer to them right now is a friendship because I'm not over my ex and it just wouldn't be fair to them. Definitely do not use a rebound, you know how badly it hurts to have your heartbroken, don't risk putting something else through that.

[asuman]

But is it really possible to go on "casual dates", in this state of mind? Doesn't seem like it to me. Seems like the temptation to turn the casual into something physical will be pretty strong.

[desertsun09]

I offer an alternative view ASUman. You guys helped me a couple of days ago with my 'going on a date after breakup' thread.....everyone said not to do it, but I did anyway. I really didn't like the guy, although he would be great for someone else, but it was good to get outta the house and do something other than pine away for my ex.

 

Well since then, I went out and partied last night with these people from a charity that I used to work for. I saw a guy that I've been friends with who still works there, and we ended up really hitting it off last night. There was always a bit of sexual tension between us, but he I was in love with my ex, he knew I had a bf, etc, so nothing ever happened. Seeing him last night was really good and we had a great time hanging out with all of our friends and I didn't think about the douche-bag ex the whole night. It was a much needed break from the constant, never ending mini-movie reels I keep playing over in my head about where me and my ex went wrong, what I coulda done differently, etc.

 

Anyway, we hit if off and ended up kissing into the night and then we went our separate ways at the end of the night (because I set my limits!!) He called today and I actually got that butterly feeling again. It's sooo weird.

 

The thing is, do I think this will last? No; Do I think this will help me move past my ex? Yes (especially b/c this is the first morning i haven't woken up sad and thinking about my ex); Am I worried about hurting the guy? No, because I was upfront and honest with him about what I've been through. He understands, we have mutual friends who all care about me and know the story. He is going into this with his eyes open and he knows what he's doing. He knows I'm not really in a place to start anything with anyone, but I have fun hanging out with him and he seems to like me too, so why not? I mean God, I've been through hell, don't i deserve a little fun and for someone to be nice to me and pay attention to me?

 

If on the other hand, I was deceitful and acted like i was in a real healthy place to be dating someone seriously, that would be hurtful to the other person (provided they were into you enough to care), then that i would disagree with.

 

It's all about setting your boundaries and making sure all parties are aware of the situation and just taking it as it comes.

 

I hope this helps.

 

DS

xx

[guitarplayer1234]

But is it really possible to go on "casual dates", in this state of mind? Doesn't seem like it to me. Seems like the temptation to turn the casual into something physical will be pretty strong.

 

Like desertsun09 just posted, you can as long as you are upfront with the other person and they know the situation. I've been on a few casual dates with the guys I've been talking to. They know that the potential for this to turn into something serious is very slim, and they are okay with that. However if you honestly don't think you'll be able to handle it in your current state of mind then don't do it and wait a little while longer.

[huck]

If the other person is aware of the situation and is happy with it then maybe...

 

Apart from the other persons feelings - take yours into consideration as well.. Trust me - theres a fair chance it will end in tears..

[desertsun09]

I do agree with Huck a little bit, yes, that you have to take into consideration your feelings as well.

 

I am a little worried about actually falling for the guy and having it not work out, but i will try my best not to let it get to that stage b/c I'm setting some clear boundaries. Either way, my desire to try it right now is outweighing my fears about it. I'm sick and tired of worrying about stuff all the time, so for once I'm just going to go have some fun.

 

x

[asuman]

I've made the mistake of getting into a rebound relationship only once in my life. It was 5 months after I broke up with the ex so I thought I was ok, but it turns out that I wasn't. It didn't end well for either of us, though it's hard for me to say I actually regret doing it in hindsight.

[Beeotch]

I'm doing my best to forget, give up and move on. But it's not easy. And right now I'm very tempted to jump at an opportunity to date someone else who I know is interested in me. I'm kind of interested in her, but go read my posts over the past few weeks folks... I'm clearly, badly hung up on the "ex".

 

So the question is: What are the ethics of using a rebound relationship to get over someone else? All my friends want me to do it, because obviously they just want me to forget about the ex. Isn't it wrong to do this knowing that it's probably not going to end well for the new girl?

 

It is wrong to lead people on...you should think of what your ex did to you and how badly you feel and use that to deal with others.

 

I am currently talking to someone new but I let him know that I am not over my ex. We have gone out on a date and it was great and we talk, which really gives me a distraction. But I am not going to run off and become his gf or lead him along. I am taking things slow and being his friend and taking it a step at a time...

[Sevenscars]

I went into a rebound relationship.

 

This girl and I dated for about a year, and then I broke up with her (due to a long list of reasons, she was just not being a girlfriend). A few weeks later, I asked another girl to be my girlfriend, a girl I really liked.

 

So we get into it, and eventually it gets physical. The whole time, I would imagine being with my ex. Horrible, yes, I know. I have learned from it.

 

Heal before you try something new. When you feel as though you won't go out with someone simply for your own sake, go for it.

 

Don't think they won't be able to tell, either. My rebound girl dropped me after a few weeks, and I was left not only with feelings for my ex, but for the rebound girl as well.

 

HEAL!