Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
To begin with... I have been cheated on in the past by other girlfriends.
My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years. In the month or two leading up to her bachelorette party I spent extended lengths of time explaining to her my fears surrounding her bachelorette party. She spent extended amounts of time trying to explain to me that I had nothing to worry about.
Her party came and went... and what I found out was that she made out with multiple guys. She also did things like licking shots off of chippendale strippers. This has shattered my trust... and hurts like hell.
The worst part is that she didn't tell me when I asked... she told me some details and then told me "nothing else happened". Well she is a bad liar and I know her well. So I pryed... and she lied... and I pryed... and she cried and lied... and I pryed... and she lied and got angry at me and said things like "why don't you trust me"... and I pried and I found out about the make outs and chippendale waiter and that she wandered off in Vegas with the bachelor from a bachelor party that was there. They were gone for an hour... just the two of them. She swears up and down that nothing happened.
I am struggling to believe her. There are times when it does not bother me and there are other times like tonight... that it hurts to lay next to her. Before this event she never gave me a reason to not trust her. The weekend after she returned home from the party we got into a fight... she was screaming and yelling at me... hit the dash of the car so hard with her fist that it bruised. I had also never seen her behave this way.
I had always been planning to have my bachelor party with my boys out in the woods doing guys stuff. No strippers... no sex... nothing but drinking and goofing off. We ended up renting quads and riding the dunes in oregon.
We are supposed to be married in a month... I need advice. Have I lost the woman I loved? Why would she be ok with doing what she did? I just need advice. My mind is struggling to understand... and I am not sure I can.
Is there the slightest chance that she didn't do any of those things but felt pressured into saying she did in order to get you to back off?
Quote:
The worst part is that she didn't tell me when I asked... she told me some details and then told me "nothing else happened". Well she is a bad liar and I know her well. So I pryed... and she lied... and I pryed... and she cried and lied... and I pryed... and she lied and got angry at me and said things like "why don't you trust me"... and I pried and I found out about the make outs and chippendale waiter and that she wandered off in Vegas with the bachelor from a bachelor party that was there. They were gone for an hour... just the two of them. She swears up and down that nothing happened.
This makes it sound like she only told you after you'd been pushing her a LOT. Is there any chance that this is the case do you think? Though it doesn't make any sense for her to lie she'd done something to hurt you, maybe she felt it was the only way you'd stop asking (I don't know how much you pressured her though).
If you genuinely believe/know that she did make out with random guys though, even if nothing happened with the guy she walked off with, then I'd say go with your gut instinct. I wouldn't stand for my partner to make out with ANYONE except me, let alone when you'd made it clear that you didn't want her to do that and how upset and worried you were leading upto it because of past experiences of being cheated on.
Do you think you seriously really want to marry her, with this event hanging over your head? You know that she's capable of cheating, and that she did at the one time you were desparately worried about. I'm not trying to sway you either way, sorry if it sounds like that. But she doesn't sound like long term relationship material to me, based on this.
she cheated on you. A bachelorette party does not give someone the right to cheat. Think really hard if you want to marry this woman. if she wants to marry you make her take lie detector test
I agree with woggle, I want to see if the same posters who constantly bash men for these acts will show up now
To begin with... I have been cheated on in the past by other girlfriends.
My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years. In the month or two leading up to her bachelorette party I spent extended lengths of time explaining to her my fears surrounding her bachelorette party. She spent extended amounts of time trying to explain to me that I had nothing to worry about.
Her party came and went... and what I found out was that she made out with multiple guys. She also did things like licking shots off of chippendale strippers. This has shattered my trust... and hurts like hell.
The worst part is that she didn't tell me when I asked... she told me some details and then told me "nothing else happened". Well she is a bad liar and I know her well. So I pryed... and she lied... and I pryed... and she cried and lied... and I pryed... and she lied and got angry at me and said things like "why don't you trust me"... and I pried and I found out about the make outs and chippendale waiter and that she wandered off in Vegas with the bachelor from a bachelor party that was there. They were gone for an hour... just the two of them. She swears up and down that nothing happened.
I am struggling to believe her. There are times when it does not bother me and there are other times like tonight... that it hurts to lay next to her. Before this event she never gave me a reason to not trust her. The weekend after she returned home from the party we got into a fight... she was screaming and yelling at me... hit the dash of the car so hard with her fist that it bruised. I had also never seen her behave this way.
I had always been planning to have my bachelor party with my boys out in the woods doing guys stuff. No strippers... no sex... nothing but drinking and goofing off. We ended up renting quads and riding the dunes in oregon.
We are supposed to be married in a month... I need advice. Have I lost the woman I loved? Why would she be ok with doing what she did? I just need advice. My mind is struggling to understand... and I am not sure I can.
She is lying. Something did happen. She is not going to tell you everything. Just enough to quell your curiosity. She is going to blame shift, gas light you and act angry to try to get you to back off so she doesn't have to face the wrong she did. You will never know the extent unless you can get her to take a polygraph. Her signs of anger are also her guilt eating her up.
If you have to question yourself about her, do you really think you should get in a lifetime committment with her. Trust your gut. If she can't be honest with you now, it's not a good idea to invest in this now.
she is feeling guilt big time, she knows she has screwed up---is she showing any remorse. Bachelorette party or not, she doesn't go around giving lip to all the guys in the bar, especially strangers, as to the male stripper, that is the least of your problems, tho it is part of the whole screw up----major problem why would she dissapear with another guy for an hour, we both know the answer don't we. Get her tested for STD if you stay with her. Her actions at that party were inappropriate. IMHO if i were you i would back off of the wedding, you sure don't want to legally tie yourself to her now, and just wait and see where all this goes. Also if she wants to stay with you, and you want to R, your relationship, she needs to show remorse, transparency, and now she needs some boundaries, cuz she obviously can't control herself when out with the girls and drinking.
Call it off!!!!!! You know that if she went off with that guy, a guy she never met b4. She was drunk. She was getting married. She f***ed this guy. no doubt. Call it off now!!! You will have these questions and fights for your entire marriage. Do you want that? She had her chance to come clean. She lied. You had to pry the information out of her. If you need an out, tell her you can't trust her because of all the lying after the fact. You will regret it if you go through with this. Or tell her the only possible way you will consider going through with it, is if she takes a polygraph test. Tell her the lies alone are reason enough. Tell her that she should jump at the chance. Go on line, download info on a local polygraph tester. Go to her and say " I scheduled an appointment for a test ". No questions, no comments. If she won't do it, you know she boffed that guy.
Last edited by lostsunsets; 21st June 2009 at 10:33 AM..
Sorry but your fiancee has crossed the line here. Kissing another man, under any circumstances, is cheating... licking shots off a Chippendale is disgusting... and god knows what other stuff she did with that guy from the bachelor party. If my partner behaved like that, our relationship would be over, wedding or no wedding. You should seriously rethink your decision to marry this girl. You need to find a girl who loves you enough not to want another man anywhere near her - I love my OH and wouldn't dream of even kissing another guy.
You would be out of your mind to marry her. She cheated on you knowing your past history. She degraded herself and her relationship with you. Why would you want to marry a woman who made out with multiple men at her party? She has no respect for you. It does not take a genius to figure out what happened when she went off for an hour with a guy she just met. Do you think they were talking politics when she was drunk after making out with multiple men? She played you for a complete fool. If she does this while you are engaged it does not take a genius to figure out what she will do when she is married. Walk away my friend because she has showed her true colors. She does not respect you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? If you are still foolish enough to be with her then demand a polygraph test and you will know for sure that she screwed this other guy. I would suggest that you both be tested for STD's. Don't be a fool. Surely you can do better than this.
So in 4 years of being together, you never had a single indication that she was capable of betraying you like this? Never a doubt. If that's the case, then maybe you should ask yourself, how often do you expect her to go to bachelorette parties after you're married?
How old is your fiance, how did you find out what happened that night, b4 you go any further, find out Why she did these things, the deep down why., and ask her How could she do these things to her future H.
It's not too late to dodge this bullet. Are you sure you really want to marry this woman?
By the way I wonder if the militant anti-porn and anti-strip club crowd on here will be as quick to condemn as they are any man who does this.
I do. I may be considered anti-porn and anti-strip club, because I'm insecure, but nevermind... I condemn this not because of insecurity, but because what this woman did is plain wrong!
I agree with the poster who said that a bachelorette party doesn't give anyone the right to cheat. That's why I'd never have a bachelorette party with strippers... plus I don't see the appeal. But anyway, I've heard that both bachelor and bachelorette parties involving strippers and drunk friends, and of course, a lot of alcohol can get out of control.
OP, I know you may love her, but I would call the wedding off. This woman doesn't deserve you, she's a cheater and you're a good man. I know this is up to you, but in case she did really cheat (because there's always the chance that, as another poster said, she made up the whole "I made out with some guys" story only because you were pushing her... but it's a really SLIM chance...), I don't think you should marry her. I know it's normal to get carried away in such parties, especially when alcohol is involved, but we can always control ourselves...
Ok, so yes, I condemn her for her inappropriate behavior... no double standard here...
i'd put the brakes on thiis marriage,in my opion she cheated wether by licking shots off dancer, or who knows what she did when she was mia for a hour. but i'd get a std test.
How old is your fiance, how did you find out what happened that night, b4 you go any further, find out Why she did these things, the deep down why., and ask her How could she do these things to her future H.
She is 28 and I am 31.
She told me a very small amount. I asked more questions like I said in my earlier post and finally I did the wrong thing and checked her phone. yes I know... ****ty but I felt trapped... she had been talking with one of the girls that was there and was telling her that I was not taking it well and that she had spared me from the details. I confronted her with this and this is when she told me about leaving with the bachelor for an hour. Later I found out about the licking shots off a chippendale waiter from another of her friends... she did not recall this as she claims to have been blacked out. This is not enitrely unbelievable as she does have a tendency to blackout when she drinks to much.
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