[Stuck]

Well, I wasn't going to post this, but I think I will now.
My boyfriend gave me an engagement ring this week and -- I don't like it.

(FYI, it's a finger ring, not a nose ring)(and it is my size).

He knows I never wear gold, but the jeweler convinced him to buy gold anyway. Also, it doesn't look like an engagement ring, and it's not my style all. It's very fussy. It won't "go" with a wedding band either (it's wavy - I don't know how to describe it - it's pretty, I guess, but I would never have selected it).

Should I tell him? I feel like, you know, I've gotta wear thing till I die...but I feel like I'm going to offend him if I say, "honey, you know, a solitaire on white gold or platinum -- you know LIKE I ASKED FOR? would have been just fine with me...". Why oh why didn't he take me along to go shopping? I would never try to buy him a power drill...

[Tony T]

I think it's a danger sign that your fiance would make such a major purchase without consulting with you...or at least getting a much better idea of your tastes. I also think it was extremely insensitive of him to buy gold when he knows you don't like to wear it.

So the first problem you have is a communication and respect problem which must be solved. Until you do that and until he becomes more sensitive to your wishes and preferances, I would put off the wedding.

As far as the ring goes, you bet your butt you ought to tell him. Be kind and sensitive about it, but let him know very clearly that it's not something you want to wear the rest of your life. Remind him that you don't like wearing gold. Tell him you love him and if he has to buy an inexpensive ring on a temporary basis...that would be just fine.

You might also ask him to listen to you a little more closely and honor your important wishes lest your marriage totally suck!!!

[HokeyReligions]

If you are not happy with it, you should tell him as sweetly as possible. His feelings are going to be hurt but he will get over it.

Have you bought him a ring yet? If you go together to pick out your wedding bands you can try on some with the engagement ring and show him how they just don't go together and (tearfully) say you want such-and-such wedding band because it's the most important thing and you want to make your engagement match.

I had my engagement ring reset a few years ago. I had the solitaire/tiffany setting and I got a larger band with more diamonds around it. I can't wear my wedding band with it, but I don't wear that anyway - it doesn't fit anymore and my husband doesn't wear his ring either.

[quankanne]

told my husband not to get me an engagement ring (his taste is loud and gaudy), and since I'm not crazy about jewelry to begin with, I'd prefer only a wedding band. However, he did surprise me with a tasteful diamond ring for our 10 year anniversary, which was fine, because he's had 10 years of "training" on my likes and dislikes when it comes to jewelry, and he's okay with it.

so, let your guy know that you appreciate the ring, but it's a little too much for your taste. As long as you're being kind when you tell him, it'll go down better than being argumentive about it. Believe me, he might be upset at first, but he'll get over it. Much better to do it now, than put up with many, many years worth of comments about how it's not the ring you wanted!

[Just A Girl2]

I know it's a very touchy subject...you don't want to seem ungrateful, and you don't want to dampen his excitement for having bought you a ring/proposed, but I'd feel exactly the same way. I too don't like yellow gold........at all. I don't wear a lot of jewelry but my watch is silver, the little hoops I wear in my ears are silver, and the rest of my few bits of jewelry are either silver or white gold. I'd NEVER wear a yellow gold ring if the rest of my stuff is not yellow gold.

And I KNOW what you mean about the shape of it. Guys don't think of this...but it's important......if the shape of the band is such that a wedding band won't sit up snug against it, then it's silly, and impractical.

Did your guy know already that you're not a fan of yellow gold? Do you pretty much always were silver/white gold?

What you need to do is tell him ASAP....because some jewellers have a strict policy on HOW LONG they give someone to exchange/return a ring.....some it's only 2 weeks, most it's a month (30 days)........so you need to tell him right away, so that you can go back there and if they won't let you return it for cash, at least exchange it for something you like. Otherwise, you're stuck with it, and he likely isn't rich enough (who is?) to buy you enough one PLUS keep that one.

Was his proposal "out of the blue"?

I remember years ago when my (now ex) husband proposed, thankfully we'd already looked at rings (much to my surprise.....it was only 3 months after we started dating..and i didn't know what the HELL he was doing taking me to the jewellers LOL).....so he knew exactly what I liked....based on style, the size of my hands, etc etc.

Don't feel bad. If you say nothing, you'll regret it later. My sister's engagement ring is 18K yellow gold (with a big 1.25 carat diamond, it was custom made, by her then-fiance, unbeknownst to her).....she didn't have the heart to tell him that she'd have preferred white gold/platinum........and of course, everything she wears is silver or white gold....including her watch........it's not a big deal, but it does sort of look 'out of place'.

[Stuck]

It's all ok! Thanks for all your stories. I enjoyed them. We have a very close relationship and I already knew he was going to buy the ring. He asked me to marry him back in November, but we had to go through some classes at our church before we wanted to make it official.

He just got confused when he went in the shop, and the jeweler told him "oh forget it! No no no! You don't want white gold or platinum..." and he convinced him to buy yellow gold. I'm sure, like I said, if I went into the hardwear store to buy him something, the salesperson would convince me to buy something else. It's just being an uniformed consumer.

As it turned out, he brought it up tonight..."Listen, tell me if you want the white gold, I can change it. the jeweler said it was no problem...I think I made a mistake, didn't I?". And I said, "are you SURE you won't be offended? I really would rather have the white..." and he said, "I would only be offended if I found out you weren't being honest with me". So I said, well, while we're at it, I think we'd better talk about the shape of it...Tomorrow I get a platinum ring with a solitaire on it.

Actually, we are from different cultures so sometimes in matters like this we just have to be honest and explain how we feel. So, another issue is that people here don't necessarily wear the engagement ring and wedding band together, plus they wear the wedding ring on the right hand. So he wouldn't have taken the shape into consideration.

Luckily for me, if he could be any *more* sensitive to my feelings...well, he'd have to be inside my head. That's why I'm marrying him!! He's the best.

[Kat]

That's great

The first b/f I ever had bought me a gold ring for xmas (I am a silver person) and I was VERy dissapointed.

Then with my current partner on our first anniversay he bought me a ring, it was gold. But as soon as I looked at he said "I know you don't like gold, but I was trying to get one with a diamond in it for your birth stone and a emerald because your favourite colour is green, and they didn't have any silver or white gold ones " I could of kissed him right there It doesn't bother me what colour it is, he bought it with love and made it special. That's what matters. We both have the white gold and/or platnium in our heads for rings from now on

Enjoy your marriage

By BF suprised me with his proposal, so I didn't get to pick out my engagement ring. We hadn't even really even talked about what kind of ring I wanted. He did a good job picking out my ring (for a guy), but it was a yellow gold marquis stone, and i don't wear yellow gold, and i wanted a princess cut diamond. Well, I wore that ring for a while and eventually, I just came out and told him that while I loved the ring I was wearing, It wasn't really what I wanted, and I explained to him why. Luckily, he didn't get pissed and we started looking around for wedding sets and we traded my ring for a platinum ring with a princess cut diamond. Now I absolutely love my ring and couldn't be happier.

I suggest sitting your finace down and just telling him. If he loves you, he will understand. I mean after all, you will be wearing it for the rest of your life! Don't you think he would want you to wear a ring you were proud of? And won't you let him pick out his wedding band? Exactly.

Hope I have helped!

Hey Girl,

Don't settle for anything less than what you want. If you don't like it, tell him. That way he can take it back and get you something you really want. I'm pretty sure it won't hurt his feelings that much, after all, he probably wants to do something to make YOU happy if he proposed. Men don't seem understand what women want all the time and sometimes they just need a little help! Don't hide anything from him and be unhappy, there is true disaster in your future if you do. Check this website out, they have some beautiful rings that you may like. <url removed> Good Luck and I hope your marriage works out for you.

[marie3332]

I think it's stupid for a guy to purchase such an expensive item without consulting the girl. Guys have awful taste in jewelry.

When I boyfriend proposed, I hated the ring. It was gold and I hate gold - I only wear gold items when he buys it for me. The ring was also too bulky and stuck out too much. It asn't even my size. It was about three sizes too ig and had a springy thing on it to hold it to my finger.

The solution? Buy your own ring and politely ask him to return the one he bought. The ring was a gift from him to you and making him go back to get another one isn't fair. I'm sure he had a hard enought time picking it out the first time.

[niko1999]

I am glad things worked out for you! you got the reing you want finally. Hopefully, when i encounter thst situation(which hopefully will be soon)he will remember i dont like yellow goldand i konw it wont be bulky, becuase i had a bulky ring that i wore, and he hated it becuase it would scratch him at night. so im glad things worked out for you

You can buy wedding sets, in which wavy wedding bands fit snugly against wavy engagement rings.