[hey_beautiful]

I grew up in an abusive family with strong personalities. My dad is a type A, my mom is a type B, but all very strong. I have a type A attitude, but do feel very friendly and a little shy on the inside, so more type B on the inside than I show on the outside. I am a fairly abrasive person, and I don't mean to be this way, but since nature and nurture took it's course, it's the way I am. I have a hard time filtering what I say and rarely think before I speak. I have never actually insulted or hurt anyone I am friends with or just speak to at a store or something, but I find that when I am around my boyfriend and my family, the tendency to just blurt out things comes about in full force. I have a tendency to be sarcastic, which is viewed as fine by my friends, family and BF, who all have the same sarcastic sense of humor. Well, my boyfriend, who is the same way, and usually okay with it sometimes finds himself insulted, or says I am being bitchy, when I was just being the same sarcastic person. I know there is a time and place for everything, so I am trying to tone down my abrasiveness. I have been thinking about being kind, and I am not sure how to define it to myself. Is it the lack of bitchiness, or is it the lack of bitchiness with something added to it? I like the part of me that is abrasive because I don't feel like I will get hurt -- but it exudes negativity in myself. I would much rather be kinder, but I don't want to be walked all over. I have never lived with someone who was nice and not a doormat. My mom was a doormat, and I don't want to be like that for my boyfriend, who would rue the day if he ever, for a second treated me like he could do that. I guess that is what I am most afraid of. Letting my guard down, and then being trampled on. I don't know how I can keep my safety net, and yet find a way to feel kinder and act kinder.

I know this is what I want, I just don't quite know where to begin.