[amaysngrace]

My BF is an alcoholic. In January he said he was sober for two weeks straight. I was very proud of him for going to AA and for not drinking.

He lied to me though. He was drinking and just never told me. He said he would wait until just around bedtime and slam two beers down and then go to bed.

Now he says he's sober again. I kind of believe but kind of don't. He tells me now about how he lied then but this time it's been twelve days and this time is for real.

I want to believe him but I'm having a hard time with it. Do I act like I believe him? Express it that I think maybe he's lying or what?

I don't want to piss on his parade if he did indeed quit. I don't want to seem like I don't believe him. But in a way I don't believe him so acting all happy and proud of him isn't being true to me.

The only difference this time with the other times he supposedly quit drinking is he told his parents he's an alcoholic. His dad battled the disease and had to do detox just to get sober. His dad got DTs from drinking. But he only did rehab for maybe two or three days and once he sobered up he stayed dry five or six years later to this day.

He has his dad's support this time. So maybe it's for real? Still I don't know if he's lying because I'm not there right before bedtime so I have no way to know.

Do I express my concerns or what? Or just keep buying into what could be a lie? How am I suppose to know?

This has taken a hit to my trust of him. I know it probably shouldn't because I understand he was embarrassed of himself but still he lied to me.

I'm having a hard time with that.

[burning 4 revenge]

Why are you so hard on him?

He's a young man, let him drink.

Christ, you're cool and funny and all, but I don't see why he stays with all this nagging

[amaysngrace]

I'm not hard on him. But the lying sucks.

This was his decision. I had nothing to do with it. He feels lousy a lot lately and he's starting to worry about his health so he stopped. Supposedly.

[TaraMaiden]

Please forgive the comment, but Alcoholism is not a disease. It's a choice.

So whilst I can understand your dilemma - I'd be furious.
Letting alcohol pass his lips when he was supposed to be on the wagon, is something he decided to do....

This breaches your trust.

I know this was a huge bone of contention between you both, some time ago (I looked at your past threads) so I know how hard this must be for you.
If it's a minor lapse, that's one thing.
But if he is not going to make the effort.....

I don't know what I could add, other than for me, it would be a deal-breaker.....

I really wish you all the best in the world.
But I don't envy your position....

[burning 4 revenge]

So what is he supposed to do?

Study the Bhagadalialamavita or something?

[amaysngrace]

Originally Posted by TaraMaiden

I don't envy your position.

Me either.

He lied back when and I didn't find out until now so if I bring it up it's like I'm rehashing the past but if I say nothing then it becomes acceptable.

I think I'm just going to tell him if he drinks please be honest this time and don't let me think something is true that isn't.

Jesus what is he twelve? I really have to tell him not to lie?

This just makes me so mad. It's like he's sneaky and it damaged my trust.

[burning 4 revenge]

I'm drinking right now and you're a real downer Grace

[amaysngrace]

at least you are honest.

[Touche]

It's absolutely a disease. Please look up the definition Tara. Does choice enter into the treatment? Absolutely. But it's still a disease.

Burnee you know you're an alkie.

[burning 4 revenge]

Originally Posted by amaysngrace

at least you are honest.

if hes a real drunk hes a depressive at heart

if hes a real drunk hes unhappy

if hes a real drunk he feels the need to get numb

maybe you can resolve these issues with him or maybe theyre beyond your control

but you need to be honest about why he needs to get numb

it really is that simple

[GorillaTheater]

Originally Posted by burning 4 revenge

if hes a real drunk hes a depressive at heart

if hes a real drunk hes unhappy

if hes a real drunk he feels the need to get numb

maybe you can resolve these issues with him or maybe theyre beyond your control

but you need to be honest about why he needs to get numb

it really is that simple

Based on my own experience (and certainly not any formal training), I'd have to say that this is rock-solid truth.

[Touche]

Originally Posted by burning 4 revenge

if hes a real drunk hes a depressive at heart

if hes a real drunk hes unhappy

if hes a real drunk he feels the need to get numb

maybe you can resolve these issues with him or maybe theyre beyond your control

but you need to be honest about why he needs to get numb

it really is that simple

Couldn't disagree more. Sometimes it's a matter of a physical/psychological addiction with no underlying unhappiness or depression.

I believe low seratonin (sp?) levels are often to blame.

Oh and Amay, I'd be honest with him.

[amaysngrace]

Well he's working on that too. The real reason he drinks.

But he may need medicine and the medicine they give him will make him not want to drink. So he wants to stop drinking before he goes on the medicine this way if he stops the medicine he already has control of this and he won't use his 'illness' as a reason to go back to drinking.

He wants to not drink to cure his illness anymore. If that makes sense.

[burning 4 revenge]

Originally Posted by Touche

Couldn't disagree more. Sometimes it's a matter of a physical/psychological addiction with no underlying unhappiness or depression.

I believe low seratonin (sp?) levels are often to blame.

Oh and Amay, I'd be honest with him.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt

Im not trying to be cute, but come on, you know better

[hotgurl]

Originally Posted by amaysngrace

Well he's working on that too. The real reason he drinks.

But he may need medicine and the medicine they give him will make him not want to drink. So he wants to stop drinking before he goes on the medicine this way if he stops the medicine he already has control of this and he won't use his 'illness' as a reason to go back to drinking.

He wants to not drink to cure his illness anymore. If that makes sense.

that logic is messed up. It is like saying I want to quiting smoking before I use the patch.

The drugs allow you to get rid of the physical part of the addiction while working on the pyscological part of the addicition.

Plus the rate of prelaspe are very high among addicts often they have trouble adjusting to life after rehab. basically the drugs/alcohol has been a coping method they have used for years and they have to learn how to cope in other ways.

Lying is a huge part of addiction too. he lies to you his family counselors himself.

I am sorry it is tough to go through.