In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
Why is it that a somewhat interested girl will treat a guy like **** while being pursued, he gets fed up then the attention stops. Long after the guy is no longer interested weeks or months later the girl comes out of the woodwork and is filled with renewed interest.
Does it take some girls more time to think about and evaluate the situation? Want what you dont have?
You mention that this has happened to you many times, so my first thought is.......maybe YOU are the common denominator in why these gals lose interest, then want you back some time afterward?
Meaning.....maybe you are "too nice" to them....come on too strong, seem almost "too perfect" and it scares the crap out of them..overwhelms them.......maybe they are used to "jerks" and are accustomed to being treated poorly, or having to really work hard to keep a guy's attention.......and then YOU come along, a 'nice guy' who's attentive, decent, treats them really well.........and it scares the crap out of them....................and then one day down the road, maybe they're THEN at the place where they can accept a 'nice guy'.......make any sense?
Another possibility, along the same lines. Maybe you're just not much of a challenge. No gal likes a guy who's a pushover...who's too eager to please, who's waiting on her hand and foot, who's too gung-ho........although most women don't want a jerk, they do want a guy who's a little bit of a challenge..who sort of keeps them on their toes.......you know? Maybe you're just too accomodating, and although you have many many good qualities about you, which they were attracted to in the beginning, they wanted a guy who was a bit more of a challenge.
But maybe one day they realized that the vast majority of guys who are 'a challenge', are jerks........so they thought back about you........because there were things about you that they really did like?
Of course there are some women who like the thrill of the chase (like many men do)......they dig it when a guy gives them attention, but once the gal 'has him', the excitement is over, and they get bored....so things don't work out.....but then time passes, and now it's even MORE of a thrill....to see if they can 'get you' after having had you and changing their mind. Another name for it: head games. Or power trip.
So you see, could be many possible reasons. Best place to start at figuring it out is starting with yourself.....and also thinking back to anything these gals may have said to you, (or an impression they gave) as to why they lost interest. Things like "you are just too nice!", etc.
As JustAGirl mentioned, there could many reasons. No-one can say for sure why a particular girl will act in a particular way.
However, from my point of view, the main reason that springs to mind is an ego trip. Guy pursues girl, girl is flattered, girl would like to continue feeling flattered by having the guy not actually "get her". Think about it - once he's got her, the flattery reaches another level. The excitement is not the same. The thrill of the chase is more exciting for some than the actual catch - "Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen". Once the attention from the guy stops, so does the ego trip. Many people will agree an ego trip can be a confidence booster. When you're not boosting their confidence anymore, maybe they come back for that thrill again.
That's just one reason that stands out from my perspective. Of course, if you don't like it when a girl treats you like crap when pursuing her, then stop pursuing her altogether. This includes not letting her come back for more flattery if you don't like the way she responds to you. Can her altogether!
There are many girls out there who will be flattered minus the mind games. Mind games -v- playing hard to get (of the "harmless flirting" variety)....I know which one I'd prefer.
Not everybody plays games. I suspect it's more like this: girl you're pursuing thinks you're not that much of a deal. Brushes you off and dates others. Decides others are no deal at all. Figures you might be better than the bunch so far so why not give you a shot.
A lot of people go dating with a real long 'shopping list'. Eventually, they figure out that they're unlikely to find somebody who meets all the qualifications, so then they re-evaluate.
Me, I'd prefer it if somebody tested the waters and then decided I was the best choice after all. That way, there's less chance they'll wander in search of something better; they're already convinced you're probably it!
A lot of girls (myself included) do want a nice guy who treats them well and is romantic. However, if the romance, passion, etc. comes too quickly - they begin to think that this person might just want a relationship really badly - and it might not be because of me. Bottom line is they begin to doubt that you are doing these nice things because of how you feel, but because you think you
'should' do them - or they are part of the routine you do when courting. Either that, or they get scared - then realize that - and decide to give it another chance.
I don't think it's game playing as much as taking longer to test the waters and looking before you leap.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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