[yes]

My parents are having some fights over the finances, and while i know i cant help them solve this problem, I'm wondering how the money matters issue is worked out in other familiies - i mean there must be a sane & healthy way to do it.

It just sounds rlly complicated, since you got two people earning difft amounts of money, and having difft priorities. It's so easy when it's one person earning AND spending, b/c if u spend on one thing, its yourself u'r depriving of something else. If you've got two people - i'm just not sure how it can work. I mean each one needs some freedom with their spending. Priorities are never identical.

I dont think it's possible to have separate ownership within one family - as in, this is mine & that's yours. You also cannot keep score - as in, you earn less, so you spend less, or you have to somehow even it out.

One way I see is if there's a dominant person who simply decides how to spend all the money, and the other person gets an allowance of sorts for their hobbies & what not. But I don't know if that's a good way out. I've seen it happen, though.

After all this, marriage is starting to sound more -n- more freaky!!

Any comments or insights to share?

-yes

[Tony T]

Marriage has a lot to do with money.

The questions you have about how money matters are to be dealt with in a marriage should be answered and agreed up BEFORE the marriage takes place.

Arguments about money, and all other things within the context of a marriage, are a function of the levels of maturity, open-mindedness and the ability to compromise. If the members of the couple don't have those qualities, they're in for real trouble.

If people don't discuss and agree on how money matters will be handled way before they go down the aisle, the deserve every bit of unhappiness they get as a result of the lack of that agreement.

It's not mine or anybody else's place to say what is best for any particular couple. If they are incapable of resolving differences, they simply shouldn't get married or be married.

[quankanne]

those are the two biggies guaranteed to cause an argument to break out between a married couple!

there are different ways to set up distribution of income, and no one way works the same for two households. Because my husband's former jobs kept him on the road nearly all the time, we found it easier to just have separate accounts, and it's worked out well for the most part. Now he's retired, he still keeps his and I keep mine (accounts, that is), but with the understanding that certain bills will come out of my paycheck and certain ones out of his pension. There's also an understanding that if one doesn't have the funds to cover a bill, the other will make up for that shortfall. I am not the best of money managers, but have made an effort to put important things first (rent, utilities) and not piddle away my money unless it's actually free and clear.

as for the varying incomes, I know it's difficult for men (at least the ones I've known) to be pulling a smaller income than their wives/girlfriends, and that causes a lot of arguments. I think it has to do with traditional roles of breadwinner and home-manager ...

they'll figure something out. in the meanwhile, just ignore the hollering and keep a close eye on the solutions they come up with -- you'll get an invaluable lesson from it.

[Ally Boo]

Money is like the most popular thing in a marriage/relationship to fight about. In my family.....my mom and dad swap it out. SHe doesn't work, but he trusts her to take care of things...she's better with money as far as budgeting goes...he's better at saving and investing. They swap it out a lot.

However, when I was married, I usually handled it, bc I made more money, and I just wasn't going to let him do it. LOL So I guess, its different for everyone.