alot o them are old, but you'd be surprised how many are young. these are people "tring" to change their lives,and but the destruction behind by sharing their life experiences.the only one that has to do the 12 steps is you.thhere are 2 types of meetings open door, and closed door. the difference is,open door is where dui people can also go, to get their paper work signed. closed door will sign no paper work. you're there for you only, not because some court sent you. myself closed door is better,you hear stories that will shake you to the core,but you also don't have to worry about someone running out and telling people. sorta like the drunks version of "what happens in vegas, stays in vegas".
It can be an invaluable way to learn how to deal with alcoholics. Many times an alcoholic's family and friends enable the drinking to continue, and those learned behaviors have to be stopped in order for the alcoholic to recover.
Knowing that there are other people in the world who understand EXACTLY what you are silently suffering through can be a huge relief!
myself closed door is better,you hear stories that will shake you to the core,but you also don't have to worry about someone running out and telling people. sorta like the drunks version of "what happens in vegas, stays in vegas".
Good to know about the difference between open and closed meetings.
I'm skeptical about the 12 steps-- especially #5 and #9:
"5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
"9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I realize that this has screwed me up in a lot of areas of life. Recently, I decided to end a relationship with someone who is also an alcoholic-- it was just too much! Ultimately, I had no choice in the matter of one of my folks being a drunk. Why do I need to admit wrongs and make amends? None of this was my fault.
I'm not trying to turn this into a rant; I just want to understand the process .
Thanks to all of you who have answered my questions so far. It's a big help to me .
Well, there is no requirement that you must work the 12 Steps (which are the identical ones to the 12 for AA), so it isn't like they will kick you out if you disagree with one.
i can see where it could be helpful if there WERE things in the past that you feel guilt over towards your dad - like if you told him you wished he would die, for example. That is a "wrong" because wishing death on someone isn't particularly a nice thing. He doesn't have to forgive you, but it is a way to forgive yourself.
I ended up writing my exMIL a letter of apology for some hurtful things that I said to her, because as I grew and learned, I realized that her anger at herself, her disappointment in herself, and her despair at being unable to control her addiction made her hateful towards me - and when i was able to apologize to her for that, it helped me let go of a lot of anger and hurt I had towards her.
But I told God I was sorry for stealing Cricket's bandana at camp one summer, but I didn't try to track her down and tell HER!
Anyway - the steps are there to work for YOU, and YOU work THEM to make yourself healthier and happier. You are in control here - not the steps.
the Al Anon approach is that I didn't cause it, i can't cure it and I can't control it.
the alcoholic has to deal with the disease through their own program.
Al Anon is my support group that helps me keep my boundaries safe and happy and healthy - even if there is chaos all around. this helps me to keep my primary purpose at the forefront... to stay sober and to carry the message to those that still suffer.
i use the Al Anon side to help with my family members and others that i sponsor through AA.
as for open and closed meetings. AA has both.
the closed meetings are for those that identify as an alcoholic.
the open meetings are for anyone to attend - whether an alcoholic or not.
you should go. i've never been to a meeting where everyone was old. the meetings i have attended have been inspirational and very supportive. everyone is there to help and would do anything if you just tell them what you need or what you are struggling with.
They are beat. Everyone is old and sad. At least that is how it was when I went.
It's like one big giant pity party about the life they missed out on.
This may have been true for the one meeting this person attended. I have been in 12 step programs for a long time (EA, Al-Anon, NA) but I only attend Co-Dependents anonymous meetings now because they seem to be the only ones that have really helped me to become the person I am today.
You have to go to different meetings and see which ones you like. It is an amzing approach to life and has helped millions of people. So they must be doing something right.
If someone has suggested that you go maybe you should. You have admitted to being an ACOA and in relationships to alcoholics. Please go.
__________________ Power is having the ability to walk away from that which I desire (him), to protect that which I love (me).
Thanks to everyone who responded to my questions and concerns about Al-Anon meetings. Went to my first one two weeks ago; it was very difficult for me to be there because everything hit home so profoundly. I went back this week and I feel a lot more hopeful in turning around my life.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my questions and concerns about Al-Anon meetings. Went to my first one two weeks ago; it was very difficult for me to be there because everything hit home so profoundly. I went back this week and I feel a lot more hopeful in turning around my life.
Blessings,
T
Just stick with it. That is a great fellowship of people who want to live healthy and rewarding lives. Get all the literature you can on the condition and go to work on your issues. It will be painful but it will be worth it.
I also attend both AA & Al-anon meetings regularly. They have been very crucial to my emotional and spiritual wellness. I'm glad you got some good out of that first meeting. Keep coming back! Or, keep going back! It's true that some of the meetings can sound like a pity party from hell, or you may even run into a "bitch session" where they all just sit around & gripe about stuff. Sometimes that can be cathartic, too.
There's an old saying that floats around the meetings; "take what you need & leave the rest."
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
What's an Al-Anon meeting like?
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