[Unclescam777]

Recently my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and until now i couldn't understand why. But i've been doing a lot of thinking and have finally realized what i have been doing wrong and with a bit of effort i managed to completely change around my personality, back to the one she knew and loved(we broke up because i turned into one of those men who changed after getting comfortable in a relationship...). So anyway, I love her VERY much and really want to prove to her how much i've changed, both physically and mentally, but she wont even give me a chance to talk to her. She's been avoiding me all the time and we broke up on bad terms, so that doesnt help. Any advice on winning her back?

Oh, and i would have posted this in the second chance forum but since i never got a second chance i think this better fits here.

[Tony T]

You did what a lot of men do. You took your lady for granted and she probably gave you warnings and you didn't heed them. Finally she got tired of the neglect and is ready to move on.

Many men in your position make promises to change when it's too late and most women don't buy that crap. They know that proposed changes probably will be temporary and that men usually go back to their old ways in time.

I suggest you let her know you have seen what you did, that you are sorry, and you have changed. Let her know that you value her love and her company and that you want another chance to show her you are the right man for her. Then let her make the next move. The more you bug her about this, the more you will drive her away so keep cool and minimize your contact with her.

Willie Nelson sang a song called "You Were Always On My Mind." It's a song about your predicament. You can find all the lyrics by going to: http://www.geocities.com/bestlyr_x/l...sonmymind.html

After reading those, you will know that you aren't the first man to screw up like this. Forgive yourself and learn that relationships are work and they don't function well on autopilot unless the woman is extremely independent.

One of my favorite quotes: "Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation."

Never take love for granted for we may never pass this way again.

Try this, try writing her a letter. Sometimes a love note or letter of forgiveness is good becase she can read it and then reread it. This way if she really wants to try, she'll call and then you'll know for sure. It is a good way of doing this because then you won't come off being a pest. If she does't call, then it won't hurt so badl. But how do you change a personality overnight? I think any man or woman would be suspicous that you are lying.

[Ally Boo]

Beg her to talk to you...meet her somewhere quiet, like a park, and just talk. Tell her what you've been thinking and feeling. Just give her space, until she sees that you are serious.

[CityGyrl]

Complacency is a problem that a lot of couples face in a relationship. But a lot of men (and women too) get into a pattern and take for granted their significant others much to their demise. But like I always believe, the same things you did to get your girlfriend/boyfriend is the same things you have to do to keep them. So whether it was flowers, a kiss or hug, a note, dinner, or a kind word those things must continue. And a person can not just say they have changed. But they have to show they have changed. The proof is in the pudding. Show and Tell!

I think the idea to write her a letter was a good one. It's obvious that she is not buying what you say. But with a letter she can read it over and over and discern your sincerity (or lack thereof). If she likes flowers, you can occasionally send her flowers. Or candy, etc. Now I don't encourage following her around begging her for forgiveness because that might be tantamount to stalking. However, sending her poems, cards, or leaving messages on an answering machine or voice mail might work towards your favor. Not everyday of course. But just something to show her how special she is to you.

Maybe you should pay attention to the fact that she doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe you should let things go. No one wants someone around that they don't want to date.

[Auntie]

I have a question? What is it like for the two of you now, when you do talk, or meet? What is she like? Is she rude, or how does her mood seem to you?
To be quiet honest with you, I'm kind of going through this sort of thing, with the guy I have been with for years! About 6 years. Um... he treated me really bad, I mean he did it all-- lies, cheating, not coming home, etc... I took him back many times, but finally I got tired and I drew the line, and said "no more", or so I thought! I even dated someone new, it has been crazy, this only started 5 months ago, and I truly cared about the "new guy", and still do. But because my X, continued to be persistant--sending flowers, calling, anything he could do, to get me back, I left the "new guy", and came back to him--and I sit here today I wonder why I'm here! I love him, I know that, but the past scared me off, and I do not know if I will ever love him the same way again! SO- my advice to you is to take things slow, and don't push to hard-it may drive her futher away than she is now! Let her know how you feel, Clearly, and then back off until she comes to you! I know that is hard to do, but it lets her be completely honest with her feelings, not being pressured, and that way, If she does come back, it will have been her own decision, and she is less likely to regret her decision!
Good luck, I hope things work out in your favor, because you really sound sincere, and just always remember this, if love her truly, make sure she knows it! Auntie

[AndyDarlington]

yeah i have this same problem except she is already found somebody else and i need to know how i can win her back from him

[ECman]

I am in a similar position as you, but somewhat different. I had a post a little while ago, and I'm still in the same boat. I got alot of competing advice both on this site and from friends and family, but decided to keep hope since I know I trully love her with all my heart and know she has feelings too.

I am trying to give her space and not bombard her so I don't seem erratic, but at the same time show her what she means to me, and how much I love her. I do it by sending very creative and special packages, but not to the point where she's overwhelmed. I talk to her, but keep myself from confronting her with relationsdhip issues, "getting back together" even though it consumes my mind. I was sort of lacking in the "expressive and appreciation" area before. So I am trying to show her slowly that I recognize my faults from before. But I realize it will probably take time. As Tony says, it can't be just an empty promise to get her back, you must trully feel it and give her time so she feels it. I'm not an expert, but that's what I'n trying to do.

What do you think about my advice and how I'm dealing with my situation?

[Max11374]

First and foremost, you need to ask yourself, why do you want to be with this person? You guys had your shot and I believe you both messed it up! Usually when someone gets "dumped" they tend to ask why me? what did I do wrong? etc, etc.. In your case it seemed like neither of you guys wanted to be with each other. You treated her blah and she probably fell out of love and is probably interested in some other guy! I've been there, I tried breaking up with my ex 3 times in the past year. We've been going out for 3 years. It came to a point where I stopped talking to her and she left me. Then all of a sudden I was "in love" with her. I totally changed, changed my perception of live, love, relationship, etc. I even went back to the gym shed 35 lbs, began lifting wieghts, and now I'm even better looking then I've ever been. I asked myself, why do I want my ex back? We fought alot, she really annoys me, etc, etc.. To be honest I don't, I just didn't want to be "dumped", who does? In any case its been 3 months since I've been broken up, time does heal all wounds. When I last saw my ex, she was still single, still pathetic, gained some weight, etc, etc. To this day I still dunno what I saw in her, I guess love is blind! haha I do know things happen for a reason, if you guys are meant to be then just do your thing, be happy with life, enjoy the moments that your alone, with friends, etc. I'm sure you'll meet other people, I'm sure you'll fall in love again. I'm sure your ex will regret leaving you and if you still interested in her and she does regret leaving you, make sure she has changed also. If she hasn't don't give her the time of day, just like she's not giving you the time of day now. I know it might sound mean, but women do this to guys 24/7. Basically just be yourself, be selfish until you fine the "one"!