I need to get this out, and I have read all type of problems on this board, so here it goes..

I am currently getting back w/ an ex after a 5 month split, we were together for 2 yrs.. Well broke up after a trip to Europe, and haven't really talked since, till 2 weeks ago.. We ran into each other and we began to talk, and she tells me that when we returned from the trip, she was pregnant... She chose not to have the baby. and she chose not to contact me neither, which has had me in ruins the past couple of weeks..She told her family and they were w/ her for this, when i should have been, I am so upset that she chose not to tell me... Now we are in the process of trying to work things out, I am afraid of her familys outlook on me, I feel horrible that I wasn't there for her, but she never told me, please any advice would help, I don't know what to feel??

[Tony T]

You didn't know she was pregnant, she didn't tell you. So how were you supposed to be there for her? The two of you had broken up.

I think communications is a main issue between the two of you. The fact that she kept this information from you does not speak well of her.

There aren't too many people who break up after a wonderful trip to Europe. I know you must miss her but you better do some heavy duty thinking about getting back together with her. She doesn't sound like the right one for you.

And don't even care what her parents think. Right now, your major problem is with her. Just how much could she possibly care about you if she withheld this kind of important information (about the pregnancy) from you?

If the two of you can smooth things over and start anew, her parents will come around. They are aware of the fact that you knew nothing about this pregnancy and if they hold anything against you for not being there, they can just kiss your butt!!!

Thanks Tony,

We kinda broke up before the trip, and it was all paid for so we decided to go and make the best of it, which we did, got along great and had so much fun. When we returned, things went back to normal, we just were imature about the realtionship and didn't realize what we had till it was too late..Now w/ the time apart and us dating other people, we realized that if we put a little extra effort into us, then it is so worth trying to work things out..
This whole situation (pregnancy)has had such an effect on my mind and heart.. I feel so horrible about this, I cannot believe she didn't inform me, I feel so irresponsible, which I am for letting this happen.... I have always had a great relationship w/. her parents, but I think this is going to be a hinderance for our getting back together...

[butterflyz]

so the two of you did not practice safe sex. it happens. it's not smart, but it happens.

i agree with tony that you two were broken up and she didn't tell you, so how were you to know to be there for her. the parents won't get in the way, but i understand that you had a great relationship with them and it's hard to get to that point with parents.

the next time you go to the house you can talk to them and tell them the truth. the truth is the truth.

i know that you were broken up, but she should have at least informed you as to what she was going to do. it's not like you were some one night stand or a week long fling. you guys had a relationship. but, that's in the past and hopefully it doesn't color your feelings for her (in terms of trust). i know with me, that once my trust is broken it is almost impossible to get it back.

and that's why i don't go back with exes. i have this terrible way of not being able to let go, so i would just be torturing the poor slob to death and passive agressively destroy everything. so, men don't realize it, but i'm doing them a favor by not reconciling.

[HokeyReligions]

I am so sorry that you lost your child. I know the law says its a woman's choice, but I am so against abortion. People need to consider that a man has feelings too about unborn babies and a father should have a say in every aspect of a child's life -- from conception. You have my sympathies here.

As for your situation -- it can be put behind you and you can still have a good relationship, but I think you two need some help and counseling would probably help you both a lot.

Don't obsess over not being there for her--she chose not to tell you so you have no grounds for guilt on this. Tell her, and her parents, that you feel bad that you were not there and that you wish you had been told so that you could have been there for her, then let it go. Get the counseling before you rush into a forced relationship. For me, it would be difficult to trust again.

There isn't anything that you are supposed to feel -- whatever you feel, guilt, anger, resentment, bitterness, grief, lost, whatever -- it's all normal and there is no formula that says "after this incident you should feel like this. . ." It doesn't work that way. That's why I suggest counseling -- it will help you sort out what you are feeling and understand how to cope. A good counselor will give you tools to use when your life feels like a whirlwind.

Good Luck

[Ally Boo]

I think that it's strange that the girl didn't tell you that she was pregnant after you two broke up. And now you are the bad guy. I think this is something that shouldn't be ignored. It might give you an insight into her character.