[andy]

Here is my stupid problem. Any advice for a shy guy appreciated.

I live with a great girl, as roommates. We moved in together on the recommendation of one of my friends, her older sister. She's fabulous - easy to get along with (I should know, living with her and all), fun, and pretty. I thought I could handle living with her and just enjoy having a cool girl around all the time. But I totally like her! I didn't admit it until she went on a date and I got really jealous (in private).

What am I to do? Her sister told me specifically, "don't hit on her". But if we get together she'll just have to deal with it, right? My roommate and I hang out once in a while, and we have a good time. We're both sarcastic and joking all the time.

Any help with letting this girl know how I feel and not scaring her into moving out appreciated!

[Tony T]

It's truly unfortunate that you have developed these feelings. If this girl felt the same way, she was have given you some serious signs. Her sister told you not to hit on her for good reason. YOUR ROOMMATE TOLD HER SISTER TO TELL YOU THAT!!!

Go through to the end of the lease, then let her know you cannot continue the roommate situation because of feelings you have developed. At that time, she can either thank you for the honesty and go her merry way...or she can suggest exploring things further. But there's simply no good reason to make life difficult for her while she's obligated to be your roommate.

Meanwhile, you need to go out and find other love interests and stop paying attention to your roomie's comings and goings with other guys. It is simply insane to subject yourself to that.

You also have to understand that if your roommate had any kind of serious designs on you, she would not be seeing other guys. Also, if she had an ounce of decency and she knew you had feelings for her that were not mutual, she would move out instantly rather than torture you with her seeing other guys.

So don't make life difficult for either of you. Get control of your feelings and when the current lease term is up, that will be time to spill your guts and hope for the best. But don't hope for much...I think her sister had good reason to give you the heads up she did.

[butterflyz]

or just move out before the lease is up. why torture yourself for that long?

if you hit on her and she doesn't reciprocate, then living together will be very uncomfortable. so, if you do disclose your feelings to her, be ready to move out if the situation dictates that.

otherwise, find a dating pool outside of your roommate.

[andy]

These comments are, of course, very sound.

I'm not stupid, just lovelorn I've been on a few dates too, since I figured out I like her, uselessly. I don't want to hurt myself either, so I will be moving out when possible - but that's quite a few months away.

I can add that her dates have been at the insistence of her sister, who is trying hard to find her a boyfriend.

Thanks for the advice. Since I can't talk to anyone else, it felt good to post it anonymously on the net