I had an obsession with this guy throught my high school years. He was in the year above me and I used to lust after him so much I'm ashamed to say I pretty much became his stalker. It wasn't malicious at all, mostly just things like obtaining his class schedule and writing how hot he was on the board before his class began; sitting with my friends during lunch in a certain spot to watch him play football etc. He found it all pretty amusing, a bit of an ego boost although a little embarresing I'm sure. Anyway then he graduated and we both went to different universities and I havent seen him in about 5 years. I pretty much forgot about him but my friends still rib me about those years.

Anyway I went out to a huge party last night and he was there! It was like seeing a celebrity or something, I almost died. Filled with dutch courage I approached him and he was charitable enough to talk to me for about an hour. He then brushed me off to go hang out with his friends, and I felt like I'd been shot, I mean it was completely devestating to have come so close to him then be rejected. Not that it's surprising, given my past behaviour (!) but it does annoy me.

The thing is, we are now at completely different points in our lives. I have just graduated from medicine and he is still working in the same local shop he was at after school and doing uni part-time. He has also gained weight and is definately not as good looking or charming as he once was. In fact, I'd go as far to say that he acted like an idiot the whole night. I have done some modelling work and without trying to sound vain, I'm not bad looking. I would never date him but I would have liked to at least pash the guy I had spent my high school years lusting after. He just didn't seem interested, despite not having a girlfriend. What the hell?? If we were strangers I would not have even bothered going up to him, let alone wasting an hour of my time talking to him. It just seemed an historical moment or something, like FINALLY I can fulfill my girlhood fantasy! But he just wasn't interested. Now I feel like even more of a loser than before. If I'd known this would have happened I would have continued to admire him from a distance. Now I've had a dose of reality and it's horrible.

[Tony T]

1. This man had no idea what your fantasy or obsession with him has lasted for the last five years.

2. This man did not come to the gathering to spend the entire time with you, he didn't even know you would be there.

3. This man did not want to be rude by spending all his time with you and ignoring his friends.

4. This man was probably embarassed that you looked so good and he wasn't as attractive as he used to be...with the added weight, etc.

5. After five years, you can't expect to reunite with somebody you have never dated and take them home for a bang.

6. You say he didn't seem interested...but, let me tell you babe, I would go to a party and spend more than five minutes talking to a gal I had no interest in...particularly if we weren't good friends at school five years earlier.

7. Love, attraction, friendship, relationships, thoughts, etc. are different for different people. I think of Salma Hayek every single day. She has no idea who I am. This guy may have had a fleeting thought about you here and there, you have been thinking about him constantly for five years.

8. This man is a gentleman and not likely to try to pursue somebody he sees he has nothing in common with and the attractiveness is no longer equal. In other words, he's a gentleman.

9. This is a lesson. Five years ago you should have been forthcoming and let him know of your attraction to him instead of beating around the bush. You may have been able to start something then.

* "The saddest words of tongue or pen...are those which say what might have been."

10. The mind is a powerful thing and you have built this up in your mind far beyond the reality of it, as you admit. You even say he acted like an idiot the whole night. So precisely what is it you are wanting now? I think you are just feeling a little foolish for having built this up way out of proportion for so many years. I understand. You're not alone. We have all done that.

11. Celebrate the occasion. You could have married the guy five years ago and woke up this morning to realize you had married an overweight idiot with no ambition.

AREN'T YOU A LUCKY GAL!!!

[quankanne]

and walk away from it. Yeah it would have been nice to have explored a fantasy you've had about him for so long, but there's a good chance you would have come away disappointed if you'd have boinked him. sometimes, fantasies are better left alone!

[midori]

I wonder if maybe -- maybe? -- what you were really hoping for was the chance to vindicate yourself. To have him come on to you, so that at long last you would have the chance to turn him down, or at least to have your attraction to him validated and returned.

I agree with Tony, the guy wouldn't have chatted with you for an hour just to be polite. If he's not looking so good, either physically or career-wise, and you are on both counts, then my guess is that he was thinking to himself, "damn, if only I weighed 10 lbs. less and had a better job. But no point in trying since I'm sure to get shot down. Especially given the way I blew her off when we were in school together."

You didn't get the overt satisfaction of turning him down, true. But you've vindicated yourself, believe me. In his eyes, and in the eyes of his friends. Having a one-night stand would have diluted that, would have made you less "the one that got away through my own stupidity" and more "the one who, after 5 years, is still hung up on me even though I look like a slob these days." I mean, I'm sure you're great in bed so it would have been fun to give him a taste of something he'd never get again ... but better to make your point without even giving him a taste.

[clia]

I agree that it sounds like you were looking for a chance to vindicate yourself, but I disagree that he wouldn't spend an hour talking to you if he wasn't interested. When I run into people from high school, I can easily sit and chat with them for an hour, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in anything more.

I mean, come on. You stalked him in high school! Five years isn't that long ago, so chances are he still remembers all that fairly clearly. In his mind, you are likely "that girl who was obsessed with me." No matter what he looks like now, I think if he was interested, you would've known. I seriously doubt he was thinking "oh, she's too good looking for me now." He knows you were totally in love with him, so he also probably knows that he could snap his fingers and have you in a heartbeat now. It also doesn't matter what you look like now--he wasn't interested then, and he's not interested now. I'm unclear on how this could *finally* be your dose of reality, when during high school he obviously didn't respond to any of your "advances." You had your dose of reality back then!

You could've made a better point by talking to him for two minutes and then gone and talked to someone else. That you spent an hour talking to him just more firmly establishes in his mind that you still feel the same way and haven't moved on. I think you would do well to move on from this crush, and find a real life guy, instead of the high school fantasy that is in your mind. Forget about it and move on...

[Ally Boo]

It sounds like you are feeling how I felt one time. I had a "blind date." The guy was nerdy and unattractive, and after it was all over, he totally stopped calling me. And I was totally pleasant at our outing..and he had no reason to drop me like that. And it upset me, bc I was like...I wasn't intrested anyway, but why wouldn't HE be intrested in ME? I'm too pretty for him....

Immature? Probably, but still that's how I felt.

[YoungWerther]

but why wouldn't HE be intrested in ME? I'm too pretty for him....

I know it was just a hypothetical question, but probably because he felt you were too pretty for him and felt defeated. Insecurity can be just as much a motivating factor in not keeping in touch as disinterest is.

~yw

[Ally Boo]

I think I intimidate guys somehow.