[Manic33]

Hey there, i'm a 19 year old guy who has been clinically depressed for about 8 years. I've always been a very low key person who enjoys having time to relax and think things over.... well a few years ago, maybe three now, I began having minor troubles sleeping, and being a hypochondriac, and worried about school I asked my doctor if it would be plausable for me to use a sleeping medication, Imovane (AKA Zopliclone) just as a temporary solution to what I initially thought was a small problem. (My mom had also been taking the medication for a few years citing that it did help her) Well, just that quickly I began using it at bedtime to calm me down. Trouble is, I felt its effect far too much and to be honest, even enjoyed the feeling it gave me. As depressed as I was, suicidal, lonely a lot of the time, I felt like this med was some kind of release for me, and I guess at that point it sort of was.

Now its a few years later, i've since graduated highschool and am now reeling from the loss of many of my friends, no steady job, and very little time outside my house. Knowing that it is all my fault doesn't help me much... but now more than ever i'm psychologically addicted to these Imovane pills that I still use every day.. keep in mind that Imovane is intended to only be used VERY temporarily... but for whatever reason my doctors never told me that. I had to look it up a few months ago myself, out of curiousity. But now, as the topic title indicates, I am addicted to them... It brings me to tears sometimes because they cause major behavioral changes in me, sometimes im happy, sometimes i'm angry to a point of rage for the smallest things.

Adding to the trouble, I'm also on another sleeping medication called Mertazipine, which I'm not addicted to at all, and antidepressants, which I don't think do much of anything for me. I'm usually craving Imovane though, and have even sometimes stooped to using them during the day time to calm me down when im doing something that makes me nervous (Ie. on a date) I know its not normal, healthy, or excusable to live this way, but I have tried to get off them before, but it makes me shake violently when I actually begin to think of my life without them... I get cramps and a nervous digestive tract as well...

So, yea i'm in a bit of a bind... I feel like I need help but I dont think I have the strength to beat this addiction after relying on these pills for so long now.. Any advice is GREATLY appreciated... thanks for reading.