[quankanne]

I've just learned that my coworkers' son died yesterday, of apparent suicide. What is the kindest way to approach this as I offer them condolences? There weren't any overt signs of problems, at least to my understanding, so this really took us by surprise this morning.

thanks for your help,
quank

[Ally Boo]

The WORST thing you could do, is not say anything. Send a card offering your prayers....maybe some flowers. Let them know that you are there for support, and if they need anything they can ask you. You might want to attach a nice verse, or a number to a preacher in case they need someone to talk to.

[midori]

I think it's important to acknowledge what has happened, and as Ally Boo suggested, a note or some flowers would be nice. Or a few simple words, like "I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family right now. Please let me know if there's anything I can help with, now or in the future." I imagine that this will take your coworker a long time to come to terms with. People tend to rally around someone who has just suffered a devastating loss, but then the support subsides. Ask him/her out for a cup of coffee or lunch in a month or two.

I wouldn't offer the name of a clergyman. A non-religious person might well find that to be terribly offensive, even if they recognize the good intention behind it. People who want to talk to a spiritual counselor usually know where to look, even if they're not part of a congregation; and if they don't know, they'll ask. Take your cues from your co-worker: if they need a bit of help at work, and you can give it, do so, and draw a minimum of attention to the fact that you are. If they want to talk, listen. Let them know in an unobtrusive way that you're there for them, and then let them take you up on it as suits their needs.

What an awful thing. At least your co-worker has got a thoughtful person like you in the picture, quankanne.

[butterflyz]

is to offer a shoulder to lean on. alot of people will be offering help, but not really mean it...it's just something nice to say.

if i were in your shoes....i would find a quiet time to approach your co-worker and just ask how he/she's doing...and then...just listen.

taking the time to listen to the problem will mean alot. like mentioned in the above post...the support will disappear shortly.

you don't need to take this on as a pet project or become a therapist or anything...but it's always nice to know that there is someone out there that will listen to you - to vent to. i know i don't have that in my life (never really had it ). and i'm the type of person that i process problems out loud.

[quankanne]

for the very good advice. We work in a church office, so the atmosphere is very family-like here. I was just concerned about how to handle the issue, but now I see that I need to approach their grief as grief – despite the circumstances.

I appreciate your input!

quankanne