DC Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 I'm in love, but there is a problem. I'm thinking about him 24 hours a day, it gives me a headache and nervous problems. It's like an illness, I'm overreacting, but I don't know what to do. Is there any way I can get back to normal? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 i dont think u'r in love obsession is, to me, a sign that this is not love at all perhaps infatuation? yes, i've been there ... basically, it just takes time... at some point, it just starts to seem weird to be obsessed w/ somebody b/c hey - if it works out - cool, if not - there's always other people ... ask tony here - he'll tell u all about how people mistake other feelings for love ... anyway - i think all u can do is try to get over the obsession - just think of it this way: whats the worst thing that can happen? this person will suddenly never talk to u again. Now, would that be SO TERRIBLE? i'm sure not. u could still live a happy life w/out him. but from my experience, it's just something u go thru... after a couple of those obsessions, u sort of stop. i guess yr body decides enough torture... also, don't show this obsession... it'll be a turn-off for him... best of luck -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Take one Tylenol tablet every six hours. That should help some. There are people who would die to be in your position. Link to post Share on other sites
DC Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 He is the love of my life, there's no doubts about that. If he never talks to me again, my life is over. How can I not show the obsession, where's the borderline between showing affection and giving too much. How can you pace yourself when you are so crazy in love? Originally posted by yes i dont think u'r in love obsession is, to me, a sign that this is not love at all perhaps infatuation? yes, i've been there ... basically, it just takes time... at some point, it just starts to seem weird to be obsessed w/ somebody b/c hey - if it works out - cool, if not - there's always other people ... ask tony here - he'll tell u all about how people mistake other feelings for love ... anyway - i think all u can do is try to get over the obsession - just think of it this way: whats the worst thing that can happen? this person will suddenly never talk to u again. Now, would that be SO TERRIBLE? i'm sure not. u could still live a happy life w/out him. but from my experience, it's just something u go thru... after a couple of those obsessions, u sort of stop. i guess yr body decides enough torture... also, don't show this obsession... it'll be a turn-off for him... best of luck -yes Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 If he never talks to you again, your life is over? That is an unhealthy thought process. Did you mean that? Link to post Share on other sites
DC Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Unfortunately I feel that the whole happiness of my life is in him, I'm starting to depend on him for my happiness, I feel it's unhealthy. Is there anything I can do? He is a nice person and it's all my problems, he didn't do anything wrong. Originally posted by BeReal If he never talks to you again, your life is over? That is an unhealthy thought process. Did you mean that? Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Yes, I'm sure there is something you can do. I'm not sure what you need to do. I could make some guesses but hopefully someone else here can point you in the right direction. Do you have any hobbies or interests besides him? Do you go out with friends? Do you work? How's your self esteem? Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 It is COMPLETELY unhealthy. You need to realize that no one person can make you happy. Their job is to make themsleves happy, like your job is to make yourself happy. No one else can truly do that but you. If you set yourself up to have your total happiness depending on him, you will be utterly disappointed. I would suggest getting some professional help, and getting away from this guy, bc he's gonna think you are pshcyo if you show too much of it to him. You need to look within yourself and find happy things inside, so that you are comfortable in your OWN shoes. Look at it this way....in the end, he's going to let you down. Either you'll break up bc he's pushed away, or he'll die and you'll be here alone. THAT'S why you can't have your happiness depend on a human....we are all imperfect and fail even when we try not to. This is extremely unhealthy and unfair to you and him. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Dear DC, You must focus on yourself. As allyboo so wisely pointed out, you must first be happy within YOURSELF, in order not to obsess over someone. That is a hard thing to do. But I believe that if one is not happy with themselves and is not fulfilled within their own spirit, their own being, then it is virtually impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone else. Trust me. Know yourself, and focus on yourself. Do what pleases you. Ask yourself why you are obsessing over this guy? Go over it in your mind. Ask yourself why you are putting yourself through this? Don't you think you love yourself, then to twist your brain into thoughts of him 24/7. The minute you start focusing on the guy and making him the centre of your universe, is the minute things can only spiral downwards. It simply is not healthy for you or for him. And the minute he knows you are obsessing over him, is the minute he will run away, and FAST. You yourself admit that you don't feel healthy about. You realized that, now act upon it. Keep busy. Like the others pointed out, do you work? Go out with friends? Do you have a hobby? Maybe now is the time to take up something you were always interested in. Surely, there must be something. You ask how you can pace yourself, and you ask how NOT to show obsession. The answer my friend, comes down to YOU. You pace yourself by having hobbies, other things going on, a full calendar so to speak. You don't show your obsession by doing what works out best for you. By not dropping things and friends, to be with HIM. Hope this helps. I have been where you are myself. It is not good. Get moving. Link to post Share on other sites
DC Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 Right now he didn't call me for one day, and I don't know if it means anything yet, but I'm already dying inside, going insane. I anticipate the worst, and then I just cannot function, I'm falling apart. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 This is definitely NOT what love is all about. You have some emotional issues that may need to be handled by a professional. It's normal to think often of the beloved and want to be with him/her often. But what you describe is a pathological obsession that goes well beyond the normal limits of loving feelings. I urge you to either get professional help or to read some good books about what love is all about. You may have some serious abandonment or other issues that make for your unhealthy dependence on the love of this individual. No human NEEDS the love of any specific person. Of course, it would be nice if that would happen but it is not essential to your continuing wellbeing as a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 Is this your first boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
DC Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 No, but the first I'm so much in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 There's a difference between being in love and being obsessed. Link to post Share on other sites
DC Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 I feel there should be a difference, but I cannot tell. What is love? May be if I know what it should be I will see exactly what my problems are. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 Love is.....being able to say, "I'll let you go if that's what would make you happy." Link to post Share on other sites
DC Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 I see what you are saying, it's just very hard to give up your dreams of happiness, but of course, that's the only way. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 Focus on something besides being in a relationship....like maybe working on yourself. What do you want out of life, etc. Using that energy for something else will make you feel better plus it will be SO much more productive. You are on this earth for a reason, and chances are that reason is beyond just being in a relationship, so find out what your talents are and how you can serve the world better. You have a purpose here, NEVER forget that! Link to post Share on other sites
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