I am in a new R, and I am so excited and happy, but scared and nervous all at the same time!
My family is very dysfunctional, and it has gotten worse every year. I am terrified of bringing home my new BF. This has not come up yet because we are such a new couple, but I know it will eventually. I know everyone's family is dysfunctional in some way, but mine is completely obvious from the moment you see them.
I am scared that the moment my BF meets them he will run for the hills. I just hope he doesn't wonder why he is with me, my family has so many issues.
__________________
"Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded"
Only if you try to make them happen at the same time.....
Just a thought - If you believe your family is that dysfunctional (and I'm not arguing with you) why put your BF through meeting them so soon?
Why at all?
Only if you try to make them happen at the same time.....
Just a thought - If you believe your family is that dysfunctional (and I'm not arguing with you) why put your BF through meeting them so soon?
Why at all?
I am definately not planning on them meeting anytime soon! But eventually, it just makes me sad I guess. His family is all really nice.
I am in a new R, and I am so excited and happy, but scared and nervous all at the same time!
My family is very dysfunctional, and it has gotten worse every year. I am terrified of bringing home my new BF. This has not come up yet because we are such a new couple, but I know it will eventually. I know everyone's family is dysfunctional in some way, but mine is completely obvious from the moment you see them.
I am scared that the moment my BF meets them he will run for the hills. I just hope he doesn't wonder why he is with me, my family has so many issues.
How socially apt is your boyfriend? That is the important question - if he's a little more experienced and a sociable person, then I'm sure he'll be fine.
Ultimately, your boyfriend is interested in you for you.
Girl. I know where you are coming from and take it from me. The anxiety will only get stronger up until the moment you two are leaving your family's house and driving away from that first meeting.
My BF and I have been together a year. I only JUST introduced him to my effed up family on New Year's day. Let me preface a little. I take pride in class and tact and all things refined when socializing. I can certainly let my hair down but growing up in such a family made me want to become as presentable as possible.
Scenario:
family is dirt poor
mother is never quiet and talks nonsense about stuff she knows nothing about while chain smoking her menthols.
Aunt is schizophrenic. I mean text book. She thinks she's performing the inaugural ball with Eric Clapton.
Brothers are lovable but delinquents with numerous tattoos and drug stories. Chain smokers also.
Various other weirdos.
I love my family but they are nuts. All I can say is that the boyfriend made it through only mildly wounded and talked to death. Aunt Sassy did in fact take him aside and told him about Clapton and the Inauguration but asked him not to say anything to us cause we'd just say she was crazy (and made the crazy motion with her finger twirling at her temple) . He did it with a smile and they loved him. He comes from a normal southern baptist family. I was extremely nervous to say the least.
You will get through it and it'll be okay. And if dude can stick it out and be happy just to know the people who are your forever family, he's worth his salt.
Girl. I know where you are coming from and take it from me. The anxiety will only get stronger up until the moment you two are leaving your family's house and driving away from that first meeting.
My BF and I have been together a year. I only JUST introduced him to my effed up family on New Year's day. Let me preface a little. I take pride in class and tact and all things refined when socializing. I can certainly let my hair down but growing up in such a family made me want to become as presentable as possible.
Scenario:
family is dirt poor
mother is never quiet and talks nonsense about stuff she knows nothing about while chain smoking her menthols.
Aunt is schizophrenic. I mean text book. She thinks she's performing the inaugural ball with Eric Clapton.
Brothers are lovable but delinquents with numerous tattoos and drug stories. Chain smokers also.
Various other weirdos.
I love my family but they are nuts. All I can say is that the boyfriend made it through only mildly wounded and talked to death. Aunt Sassy did in fact take him aside and told him about Clapton and the Inauguration but asked him not to say anything to us cause we'd just say she was crazy (and made the crazy motion with her finger twirling at her temple) . He did it with a smile and they loved him. He comes from a normal southern baptist family. I was extremely nervous to say the least.
You will get through it and it'll be okay. And if dude can stick it out and be happy just to know the people who are your forever family, he's worth his salt.
Good luck!
I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who's been with their bf for a year and are just getting around to meeting the parents! Well, you've made more headway than I have...we've been together a year, and he still hasn't met my parents. I don't have anything to hide either, cuz my family's actually normal...lol I brought it up once, and it was early in the relationship, about meeting my parents, and he was up for it, but we just haven't gotten around to it yet. Either he's actually nervous about meeting them, or since I haven't brought it up again, he might think I'm keeping him from meeting the parents, but he hasn't said anything. I'm hoping one of these days (soon), he'll meet them. His folks live several states away, so it's harder for me to meet them.
How socially apt is your boyfriend? That is the important question - if he's a little more experienced and a sociable person, then I'm sure he'll be fine.
Ultimately, your boyfriend is interested in you for you.
He is very good socially. Thats one of the things I like about him, he is so funny and outgoing.
I know he is more interested in me, but I just think some people wouldn't want to get involved with people like my family. They would probably think they are too good for us, and part of me thinks he is too good for me.
He is very good socially. Thats one of the things I like about him, he is so funny and outgoing.
I know he is more interested in me, but I just think some people wouldn't want to get involved with people like my family. They would probably think they are too good for us, and part of me thinks he is too good for me.
On the bright side, he should be able to woo them relatively easy
I am in a new R, and I am so excited and happy, but scared and nervous all at the same time!
My family is very dysfunctional, and it has gotten worse every year. I am terrified of bringing home my new BF. This has not come up yet because we are such a new couple, but I know it will eventually. I know everyone's family is dysfunctional in some way, but mine is completely obvious from the moment you see them.
I am scared that the moment my BF meets them he will run for the hills. I just hope he doesn't wonder why he is with me, my family has so many issues.
oh thank god am not alone with this issue. me and my boyfreind have been dating a year now and my family has to be the worse. my family are black and muslim, and my boyfreind is white and has no reiligon. so they weren't very happy when they met him, and luckily he still loves me
i was scared that he was going to leave and think my family are racist ( which they are). i love my family and i dont think they meant to be racist at all but its hard to get them to accept us and its 2009 and time has changed since the 80s (which is where there mind is)
all i can say is good luck and some faith in your bf xx
Well, being a guy who has been in the situation before, i can tell you, the best thing you can possibly do is to warn him beforehand. he will absolutely love you for not feeding him to the dogs. Especially if you know some tricks to dealing with your family, you may want to tell him. Also if your family truely is messed up, and you tell him you realize they are messed up, he will never think you are like them. After all only a normal person can diagnose the abnormal, right?
btw, out of curiosity, what do you mean by dysfunctional?
btw, out of curiosity, what do you mean by dysfunctional?
Both my parents are addicted to pain medication. My mom has a broken back and only has about 3 teeth due to the meds. My step-dad is a lazy POS who has no job but stays home all day to get high. Thats my main concern. They are very poor, and the house smells like cigarettes and is messy. My dad put a bed in the living room so he can even be more lazy.
I am not worried that he will think I am like them, I am nothing like them. I am just worried he won't want to marry into this type of family... and I don't blame him, but I am a good person. I am so scared, I don't talk to him much about my family because it makes me sad, and I don't want to scare him off.
Both my parents are addicted to pain medication. My mom has a broken back and only has about 3 teeth due to the meds. My step-dad is a lazy POS who has no job but stays home all day to get high. Thats my main concern. They are very poor, and the house smells like cigarettes and is messy. My dad put a bed in the living room so he can even be more lazy.
I am not worried that he will think I am like them, I am nothing like them. I am just worried he won't want to marry into this type of family... and I don't blame him, but I am a good person. I am so scared, I don't talk to him much about my family because it makes me sad, and I don't want to scare him off.
wow that is dysfunctional but seriously, just be sure to warn him before he actually meets them. Honestly, I dont believe in that whole when you marry someone (I assume this is ultimately where things are going) you also marry their family. The only ppl who worry about what family they marry into are ppl in the public eye, so unless he plans on running for mayor he wont care! Probably the only problem that might arrise is if his parents would ever have to meet with yours, since you said his parent are nice ppl. If his parents are really classy, they might not approve of you because of your family.
Both my parents are addicted to pain medication. My mom has a broken back and only has about 3 teeth due to the meds. My step-dad is a lazy POS who has no job but stays home all day to get high. Thats my main concern. They are very poor, and the house smells like cigarettes and is messy. My dad put a bed in the living room so he can even be more lazy.
I am not worried that he will think I am like them, I am nothing like them. I am just worried he won't want to marry into this type of family... and I don't blame him, but I am a good person. I am so scared, I don't talk to him much about my family because it makes me sad, and I don't want to scare him off.
I dated a guy a few times and he was wonderful (I just didn't fall in love with him). He described his family to me as completely dysfunctional. I never met them, but he prepared me that he was nothing like them. I got that impression too, because he pointed out the differences. Before your BF meets them, explain the situation and make it a point that there ARE differences (without bashing your family). I would just tell him that your mother is very ill and that she feels sorry for your step-dad, who is also ill and unable to work. Don't ever talk about your parents with disrespect in front of him. Men are capable of using such things against you before you know it!
However, I think what's more important for you is how he will perceive you knowing that your family doesn't provide the "authority to protect you." I know some people who would see you as an easy target to mop the floor with you - and yet, they wouldn't do it if your parents were wealthy doctors or lawyers.
It's actually a great litmus for discovering your BF's true colors. There's a saying: give a man power and you'll know who he really is. In other words, it's easy for a man to respect you if your father is a big shot. Let's see how he respects you when you don't have a family to stand behind you in social and financial terms. However, you may not discover this until you actually marry him.
On another note, you shouldn't feel ashamed of your parents. If they love you, they are the best parents they can be. Their lifestyle has nothing to do with you. I've seen some very "functional" families who lived and looked like royalty. In reality, they were falling apart and abusing one another; they were rotten and empty.
__________________ If one can let go, one can move forward - Jerbear
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Well, you've made more headway than I have...we've been together a year, and he still hasn't met my parents. 
I don't have anything to hide either, cuz my family's actually normal...lol 
I brought it up once, and it was early in the relationship, about meeting my parents, and he was up for it, but we just haven't gotten around to it yet. Either he's actually nervous about meeting them, or since I haven't brought it up again, he might think I'm keeping him from meeting the parents, but he hasn't said anything. 
I'm hoping one of these days (soon), he'll meet them. His folks live several states away, so it's harder for me to meet them.
but seriously, just be sure to warn him before he actually meets them. Honestly, I dont believe in that whole when you marry someone (I assume this is ultimately where things are going) you also marry their family. The only ppl who worry about what family they marry into are ppl in the public eye, so unless he plans on running for mayor he wont care! Probably the only problem that might arrise is if his parents would ever have to meet with yours, since you said his parent are nice ppl. If his parents are really classy, they might not approve of you because of your family.
Hybrid Mode
