Not long after I left my ex husband, I met a guy who I instantly adored. I'd dated some guys, but this one was different. I saw something in him, and it evolved into being the classic female saves male scenerio. He used me, hurt me, cheated on me, and I was nieve. I finally wised up, and dated a guy who really cared for me, my ex freaked, realized he needed to get himself together, and I took him back, bc I loved him. I fell in love for the first time in my life...with him. We were going to get married...have kids, etc. We just fit so well together. And OMG how I loved him. He was changing his ways, and things were going good, until he started getting distant, he said I pushed him away bc I did nothing but nag him, maybe I did, but bc I didn't feel like I could really trust him, and our past had hurt me so much. Then Wednesday, I found out he slept with the girl my brother has been seeing (He says he didn't know they were seeing each other). He says I pushed him to it, but he didn't want to break up with me bc he loved me. That he's messed up in the head and can't explain his actions, they just happened, and now he's miserable. Well, this hurt me more than anyone could ever possibly hurt me. And don't think I could ever get back with him.
I've thought about taking a 2 year break from relationships period, and just work on myself. My family is glad that we've broken up. And I have an older guy who is a friend who just adores me. He wants to be with me, we get along really well, have similar intrests, and he treats me better than I've ever been treated. But it hurts bc I can't lay in his arms without wishing I was in my ex bf's, I can't accept him doing nice things for me, bc I just wish they were coming from my ex, not him. I guess I just wish he was my ex bf. I'm afraid that it's not fair for me to get involved with this guy, bc he's falling in love with me, and I care about him too. The more we hang out the stronger our feelings get. There are so many great things about him that I love. But my heart is still with my bf. When I'm away from the guy, I think about how I dont need to get involved, or be with him, but when I'm around him, I realize that he's probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know what to do.
Now my ex and I are talking about all this stuff that has happened between us, and I dont know what to think. He admits he did wrong, but he says that I'm not a martyr. I've caused just as much hurt on him too. I don't get it, or know what to do....AHHH

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "...when I'm around him, I realize that he's probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know what to do."

The guy's cheated on you repeatedly (even after you got back together with him), lied to you, used you, hurt you...and you realize he's the best thing that has ever happened to you?????????????? Like what planet are you on???????? I didn't know the Internet went as far as Jupiter.

You don't know what to do????????? The guy has screwed you over every which way possible and you don't know where the door is. What does this guy have to do to show you he's a low class, germ brain, scum bag and you don't need that in your life???????? Guts are on special this week at your local supermarket....go get some!!!!!!!!!

You don't need to get involved with your friend right now, either. Tell him to buzz off this getting closer kick. I like your idea about taking some time off from relationships. Maybe two years is a little harsh. And I don't know if you need to get to know yourself better as much as you need to discover a lot of things about yourself that you need to change...and become stronger with.

This love stuff is NOT for wimps. You can get your ass kicked, crushed, crumbled, smashed, diced, pickled, minced, chopped, grated and mutilated every other way by being weak and letting men walk all over you. You better get strong now lady because nobody's going to do it for you.

I mean I'm not believing what I'm seeing you write in this forum. I'm not believing you could actually love somebody who has been so mean, so deceitful, so manipulative to you. You are some kind of work. Do you even have any idea what love is?????????

Take some time now to relax. You're pissed at me when you should be really pissed at yourself. When you calm down, go to a bookstore. Step one in your life is to get some self esteem to boost your self image. Get some books on the subject and work on yourself. Any human being with an ounce of fondness for herself would not put up with the jerk in your life one more second.

Once you start loving yourself, you won't take crap from anybody and you'll be the happiest lady in the universe.

[velvet]

Tony that was Grrrreeeaaatt!