[robaday]

Hi, I'm a 26 year old man and I have a couple of questions for people who may recognize themselves in me (I hope I'm not the only one).

I have a long history of using recreational drugs and alcohol. I started smoking when I was 10 years old (I'm still addicted). I was smoking cannabis on a regular basis between 14-19 (I quit cannabis because it made me paranoid).

I tried ecstacy at 16 or so. I then took ecstacy every weekend for 9 years, sometimes as many as 10 in one night. I recently quit ecstacy because I think it has contributed to my depression.

I snorted cocaine every weekend for the past 2 years. I never did more than a gram in a night and never did it when sober. I never craved it nor became dependant on it.

Coupled with all this however has been alcohol. I started drinking at 16 or so. After a year or 2 I could drink more than anyone I knew at my age. For some crazy reason I was proud of this. I didn't drink to enjoy myself. 1 or 2 drinks didn't appeal to me-I had to get out of my mind.

I drink every weekend. I have recently moved to a new place and going out is essential for me, as I need to meet as many people as I can. I still drink to exess when I do drink, however can take it or leave it-I don't NEED to drink, but if I have one then I have to have 10. Moderation is something I have never done, and don't think I could do.

If I drink 3 drinks, I get a very early hangover when I stop about 2 hours or later. I can't sleep after 3 drinks, and actually don't like the feeling of being semi-drunk.

I recognize that binge drinking is a problem. I also recognize that my inability to "just ahve a couple" is also a problem. However I have regularly detoxed and haven't found it too strenuous-I quit for 3 months once after partying to hard.

I'm looking for people's perspectives. I quit drugs without too much dificulty. I could see the harm they were doing to me. I know this sounds terrible but I don't want to quit drinking, I just wonder if people who've been to AA, or through other recovery therapy's can recognize this in them?

I don't crave alcohol like I do cigarettes. However I recognize that it is a drug just like any other, and has actually always been my primary vice-I'd take alcohol over cocaine anyday, and was always drunk when I did ecstacy.

Any ideas, similar experiences and advice, much appreciated. Thanks