xflower Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I was coming out of the subway and there he was not even 50 feet away coming out of the executive conference center. He looked great quite honestly and has trimmed down a bit since we fooled around. He didnt even acknowledge me. He glanced over at the people coming out of the subway. He had to see me. Absolutely no response. Not hi, not a smile, NOTHING. Like I was not even there. I cannot believe this guy stopped calling me because I ignored a phone call, an email and some texts. There is a company holiday party in a few weeks at a pretty nice place. He is listed as going but who knows even if he will show. The last few times there have been general meetings he very conveniently takes off. About a week ago I was supposed to be in class and ironically he was supposed to be there too. He didnt show. Do you all think this was on purpose? The thing is I just CANT go up to him now and talk to him. What am I supposed to say for blowing him off? I apologize? Ignore and pretend it didnt happen? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I cannot believe this guy stopped calling me because I ignored a phone call, an email and some texts. Really? I can believe it. That's exactly what people do when they are being ignored - they stop calling. What were you expecting? The thing is I just CANT go up to him now and talk to him. What am I supposed to say for blowing him off? I apologize? Ignore and pretend it didnt happen? Yes, you can go up to him. And yes, an apology would be in order. Why did you blow him off since you're clearly into him? Link to post Share on other sites
BrooklynBridge Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Seriously. Grow up. Apologize. Tell him you are into him and you behaved like a retard, and ask him if he'd be willing to call you again and you won't ignore him this time. The worst that can happen is he'll say no. Can't be any worse that current situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xflower Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 We went out a bunch of times and had great chemistry including sexual. Than a week before our final date he seemed to get unsure of himself being a little needy. He was apologizing for things he didnt do. After our last date he IM'd me after the date asking to see me again. He also emailed me that night to tell me he had a good time and that he could tell I was hurt and would do nothing to hurt me. After that I didnt hear from him for a week. He texted me once asking "r u there" and left a voicemail saying he hasnt seen me in a while, blah, blah.... than later when I didnt respond he sent a txt message saying he liked me and cared me but he sensed something was wrong. He also wrote that if you dont want to see me, just tell me. Later he said everything was cool and passes in time. This was the extent of the last contact I have had with him. He has not done anything bad. He just wasnt the swaggering guy that week that I had known. I didnt respond to any of his communications like a fool. Than he disappeared. Its been about 7 weeks now and NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. I saw him once in the cafe and he ignored me totally and I walked by his office about a week ago - he was chatting with his coworker and he ignored me again. I just dont get how a guy could go from being smitten to totally backing off after I didnt respond to him. He did nothing bad nor mean. We had no arguments even. He just freakin disappeared after I didnt call. Its the mans job to pursue the woman. I generally dont call back anyway. So now what am I supposed to do? Oh and I forgot to mention I was dating multiple men at the same time... Link to post Share on other sites
me4u2 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I cannot believe this guy stopped calling me because I ignored a phone call, an email and some texts. That's the problem. You didn't just ignore him, you blatantly ignored him. Not only did you not respond to his phone call, but you didn't return the email nor the textS. Which means he put himself out to you several times, probably hesitating each time too and yet you were so rude as to not even return one of those attempts even with a simple, "hi" or something, anything. I do wonder though why did you ignore him so many times? Was there a purpose? How many attempts was he supposed to make before you graced him with a response. If you really like this guy, then you simply could apologize. What you're going to say though to those multiple blow offs, I don't know. Which is why I'm curious as to why you did it in the first place. Maybe knowing that would help figure out a way to apologize to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xflower Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 I was kind of ambivalent about him. Though I have to admit he is hot. Very Italian and passionate. Can be very powerful when he wants to be. I have been seeing multiple men and just wanted to pace it a bit I guess. He took it a whole other extreme. He totally and completely cut me off. Link to post Share on other sites
me4u2 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 But see he pursued you. Do you not see that? He even gave you a chance by saying "if you don't want to see me, just tell me". You didn't say anything, which says it all. He's done with you now. Which is really sad given the fact that you said you both had great chemistry. I don't see how you can rectify this situation really. I think it's done. Link to post Share on other sites
me4u2 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 OK, lol, our posts keep crossing! Well, I suppose if you're really that into him now, you're going to have to start pursuing him. But I'm not sure that's your thing. I think that's the only way he's going to possibly start speaking with you no matter how many time you bump into eachother, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 After our last date he IM'd me after the date asking to see me again. He also emailed me that night After that I didnt hear from him for a week. He texted me once asking "r u there" and left a voicemail saying he hasnt seen me in a while, blah, blah.... than later when I didnt respond he sent a txt message saying he liked me and cared me but he sensed something was wrong. He also wrote that if you dont want to see me, just tell me. Later he said everything was cool and passes in time. I didnt respond to any of his communications like a fool. Than he disappeared. Its been about 7 weeks now and NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. Oh and I forgot to mention I was dating multiple men at the same time... Are you kidding? That's at least 5 or 6 times that he tried contacting you and you completely ignored him, like you fell off the face of the earth or died or something. That is the height of rude behavior!! You can't seriously expect a guy to keep chasing you after you ignored him completely, unless he's a total doormat. Clearly, this guy isn't. You can't treat people like that and expect them to like it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 He didnt even acknowledge me. He glanced over at the people coming out of the subway. He had to see me. Absolutely no response. Not hi, not a smile, NOTHING. Like I was not even there. i've done this a number of times with women in the casual relationship category. almost always it was because they did or said something that totally pissed me off and i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. in other word they tended to be women who I could have had a serious relationship with but they did something stupid that made me and knocked them out of contention Link to post Share on other sites
Sysyphus28 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 We went out a bunch of times and had great chemistry including sexual. Than a week before our final date he seemed to get unsure of himself being a little needy. He was apologizing for things he didnt do. After our last date he IM'd me after the date asking to see me again. He also emailed me that night to tell me he had a good time and that he could tell I was hurt and would do nothing to hurt me. After that I didnt hear from him for a week. He texted me once asking "r u there" and left a voicemail saying he hasnt seen me in a while, blah, blah.... than later when I didnt respond he sent a txt message saying he liked me and cared me but he sensed something was wrong. He also wrote that if you dont want to see me, just tell me. Later he said everything was cool and passes in time. This was the extent of the last contact I have had with him. He has not done anything bad. He just wasnt the swaggering guy that week that I had known. I didnt respond to any of his communications like a fool. Than he disappeared. Its been about 7 weeks now and NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. I saw him once in the cafe and he ignored me totally and I walked by his office about a week ago - he was chatting with his coworker and he ignored me again. I just dont get how a guy could go from being smitten to totally backing off after I didnt respond to him. He did nothing bad nor mean. We had no arguments even. He just freakin disappeared after I didnt call. Its the mans job to pursue the woman. I generally dont call back anyway. So now what am I supposed to do? Oh and I forgot to mention I was dating multiple men at the same time... This is why dating sucks............ Miscommunication. Keep it open and honest. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 This is why dating sucks............ Miscommunication. Keep it open and honest. I'm curious where you think the miscommunication was? Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Ok, I didn't read the whole thing, it's too long lol I'll just say this: Yes, you can walk up to him and act like a self confident woman who's got a firm head on her shoulders. Talk to him and apologize. At this point, there is absolutely nothing else you can do to salvage the situation. It's your only option, so do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xflower Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 So you saying he may never talk to me again??? Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Of course. It's been 7 weeks. You should have already talked to him by now. The more time passes, the smaller your chances become. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 So you saying he may never talk to me again??? Can you name one good reason why he should talk to you when you blew him off 6 times already? Link to post Share on other sites
me4u2 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 So you saying he may never talk to me again??? Absolutely. The train left the station. Link to post Share on other sites
zhsoj Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Frankly I likely wouldn't talk to her again if I was in his shoes... Life is too short... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 OP, let it go and learn something here. If you're not serious about being with a man and merely wish to date casually and with many men, that is your prerogative. There's nothing wrong with that. If you choose to ignore any or all of those men at any time, nothing wrong with that. If the above results in you being alone, nothing wrong with that. Your choice. Of course, everyone else has choices too. This man educated you about that Link to post Share on other sites
Author xflower Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Can you name one good reason why he should talk to you when you blew him off 6 times already? I dont count those messages as blow offs. He was just writing things. Out of all that he only asked me out once more. The rest I guess he was trying to reestablish contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Why would he ask you out when you weren't even responding to him? You blew him off multiple times. YOU disappeared. YOU were giving him absolutely nothing. Why do you not get that? Rational human beings will stop contacting someone who IGNORES them like you ignored him. Why did you not respond after any of these messages? Maybe after the 3rd one, or the 6th one? Is he supposed to guess the exact moment when you will be available and willing to pick up the phone? I hope you learn something from this. It doesn't seem as though the message is sinking in. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Here's my post in the locked thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1922864&postcount=14 Didn't even realize it was the same issue until searching the OP's history. Pretty consistent, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 xflower, if I'm not mistaken, much of what has been said here, was already said to you in a previous thread. What you are not getting is that this complete break-down with this guy is ENTIRELY YOUR DOING. He was - and is - merely responding to the way you treated him. Now: your motives may be different to his perception; that is, he may have read your behaviour in an entirely different way, to the way you were intending - but suck it up. That's your problem for failing to do the right thing in the first place, which was to talk to him when he contacted you. I agree you should approach him. I agree you should apologise, and (if he lets you or gives you the chance) explain. But even if he does - and he may not - this will still be no guarantee that he'll want anything to do with you at all. It's a risk, but at least you'd have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
BrooklynBridge Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Do you have a problem with recognizing when are you wrong?? You made the wrong decision. EVERYONE here says the same thing to you, yet you think it was no big deal and the guy is to blame?!? I don't even think it's worth trying to convince you to APOLOGIZE, you don't think you did anything wrong and quite frankly, you seem incapable of any objective self-analysis, that dude should be so happy with the way you acted, saved him a lot of future drama. So for being so harsh. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I dont count those messages as blow offs. He was just writing things. Out of all that he only asked me out once more. The rest I guess he was trying to reestablish contact. You may not count it as blowing him off, BUT EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET counts them as blow offs. Including this guy. He wasn't "just writing things". He was trying to COMMUNICATE with you. He had told you he had a good time, he asked to see you again, he didn't get a reply so he tried again to find out if you were around, and then he said, hey, if you want me to stop contacting you, just say so. Not to mention, he actually CALLED you. Had you had the decency to call him back, he probably would have asked you out again. Instead of replying to him even once, you dropped off the face of the earth. So he is no longer trying to communicate with you, and in fact, no longer wants to communicate with you since you made no effort to communicate with him. The message you gave him by not replying AT ALL was that you were not interested in talking to him, didn't care about him, and he should go away. Is this really such a strange concept to you? That if you ignore 6 contacts, someone would stop contacting you anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
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