Well, I guess just a little more "progress" in the healing department...
3 years ago exactly, I was sharing yet another one of those things about me that NO ONE else knows with her. When I was a kid, EVERY Christmas or Birthday I wanted a Tonka Truck (you know, the big metal dump truck), and I never got one. I don't know why, as I always got cool stuff, or things I wanted, but the Tonka Truck was the one thing that I really wanted and never got. Even as a young adult, I would have dreams about the truck..
November 2005, as is marked, she had a bright big Tonka Truck with a red bow on it when I came home. She wrapped herself around me and promised me to always try her hardest to give me what I wanted or needed, and that meant her and her heart... She UNDERSTOOD what that meant, what it really meant. There could have been no single other object on this planet that could have had more meaning than that truck. And she knew it...
The truck is now in the middle of the street, waiting to get run over by a car, or maybe a real dump truck...
NOTHING means anything anymore... Not a single letter or card, no Willow Tree statues of a couple holding each other title "Forever", no rings, no promises and no damned Tonka Trucks....
"Real tough toys, for real tough boys.....TONKA!!"......
be careful.
Either someone will stop and pick it up, or it will cause an accident by people swerving to avoid it - because they'll come off worse......
The whole thing with the Tonka truck is just you giving her too much power over you..
The truck was an issue between you and your parents and she decided to be your Mommy and buy you a truck..
Personally I would have felt like a child if an GF had done something like that to/for me..
As an adult if you wanted a Tonka truck you should have just went to the toy store and bought one...
There are toys that I was never given as a child and of course as soon as I could afford them I went and bought them for myself ( RC toys )
I also did model rocketry as a 20 something because I wasn't allowed as a child to do them..
Good for you for moving on.. but don't give her any power over you.
It is just a Tonka truck and if you are confusing your childhood feelings dealing with your parents with love feelings from your lover then you might want to look into that .. this is of course just my opinion.. you are free to disregard it if it doesn't hit home
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Last edited by Art_Critic; 1st November 2008 at 1:17 PM..
The Tonka truck was symbolic...more so to you than her. She used it as a way to show you her ever lasting affection...as she meant it at the time. You felt that it was an expression of her love for you always.
She wanted the feel good moment. You wanted her love.
This one would be a tough one to let go of. That moment for you was very important...yet now it has been trashed as very simplistic by her.
The whole thing with the Tonka truck is just you giving her too much power over you..
The truck was an issue between you and your parents and she decided to be your Mommy and buy you a truck..
Personally I would have felt like a child if an GF had done something like that to/for me..
As an adult if you wanted a Tonka truck you should have just went to the toy store and bought one...
There are toys that I was never given as a child and of course as soon as I could afford them I went and bought them for myself ( RC toys )
I also did model rocketry as a 20 something because I wasn't allowed as a child to do them..
Good for you for moving on.. but don't give her any power over you.
It is just a Tonka truck and if you are confusing your childhood feelings dealing with your parents with love feelings from your lover then you might want to look into that .. this is of course just my opinion.. you are free to disregard it if it doesn't hit home
AC, it's not that deep.. I never resented my parents for it or anything, I just didnt get the truck. Instead, I got the cool electronic football game that was VERY hard to find one Christmas, or a bike or an Atari..
It was a SYMBOL that she wanted give me.. She was saying that SHE wanted to fulfill my dreams. It was a symbol of forever, both before and after that particular day. It's not like I ran out into the yard and played with the truck. It was put in my office as a reminder of just how much she wanted to make me happy. It was her way of promising me a life with her.. It meant ALOT!! But, obviously, like everything else, did'nt REALLY mean anything... Thanks though AC
The Tonka truck was symbolic...more so to you than her. She used it as a way to show you her ever lasting affection...as she meant it at the time. You felt that it was an expression of her love for you always.
She wanted the feel good moment. You wanted her love.
This one would be a tough one to let go of. That moment for you was very important...yet now it has been trashed as very simplistic by her.
wow, we were typing the same thing at the same time.. thanks for seeing it that way. It is a VERY hard thing to do.. last night, the Trick-or-Treaters were playing with it, some older boys were skate boarding on it.. BUT, what is it good for now??
Aw, hell, already. Just call her up and say, "Baby, let's get married. Your marriage is over, your future is me, and I've got the tickets to Vegas all set".
Aw, hell, already. Just call her up and say, "Baby, let's get married. Your marriage is over, your future is me, and I've got the tickets to Vegas all set".
How about wrapping that Tonka Truck up and giving it to a kid that might really appreciate it?
Just a thought.
and a VERY good one at that... I have already "salvaged" the truck from the street, no damage done, and will seek out a child and put a REAL smile both of our faces..
I know the truck is silly, but again, there was not a single item in this world that could have been more symbolic to me, and like many other things, something that I can never have back because she stole it....
Truthfully, it is as reminder of a love lost and it is a reminder to YOU to give your heart to someone who has her heart to give to you.
While I understand why you would give it away, it could also sit in front of you as a way to remind you of who she really is.
I guess I would give it away, too.
Now every Tonka truck will be a reminder unless you can replace her betrayal with a new memory.
And screw those who say shut up about her....talking is the best way to get rid of her. Bottling it up will not help you heal. Some may heal better by stopping the talk, but others need to talk it out over and over again and again.
When it became clear that I'd been abandoned by my MM I threw out most of the material and virtual things we had shared - the things that had deep emotional significance and meaning. I kept some of the other gifts - CDs, movies, books, clothing, this and that. The things I threw out I threw out because they had become symbols of deep loss and profound grief stripped of all of the love and faith and trust they had represented at the time.
Now, I wish I had them back. Not to swoon over, not to keep me anchored to an ever receeding past, but because they were a part of my life. A hugely important part of my life that I now wish was sealed up in a box in my basement and not in a landfill some where. Getting rid of the truck at this stage is premature Stamp. Deal with the feelings, not the truck. It was a beautiful gesture by someone you loved and who loved you back on a day in the past when you thought it would all might work out differently. In future years you might want to put your hands on that cool metal and remember all these things.
As an aside, I always wanted an Easybake oven when I was a child. Got loads of other cool stuff, but never an Easybake oven. It's something I've actually grown to appreciate as an adult, though I can't quite articulate why.
When it became clear that I'd been abandoned by my MM I threw out most of the material and virtual things we had shared - the things that had deep emotional significance and meaning. I kept some of the other gifts - CDs, movies, books, clothing, this and that. The things I threw out I threw out because they had become symbols of deep loss and profound grief stripped of all of the love and faith and trust they had represented at the time.
Now, I wish I had them back. Not to swoon over, not to keep me anchored to an ever receeding past, but because they were a part of my life. A hugely important part of my life that I now wish was sealed up in a box in my basement and not in a landfill some where. Getting rid of the truck at this stage is premature Stamp. Deal with the feelings, not the truck. It was a beautiful gesture by someone you loved and who loved you back on a day in the past when you thought it would all might work out differently. In future years you might want to put your hands on that cool metal and remember all these things.
As an aside, I always wanted an Easybake oven when I was a child. Got loads of other cool stuff, but never an Easybake oven. It's something I've actually grown to appreciate as an adult, though I can't quite articulate why.
Thank you.... I am not sure what to do.. Just a matter of trying to dismantle in the moment.. I am sure that she meant it, and I am sure she longed to do something like that as much as I wanted to receive it... Peolple like to "love" as much as people like to "be loved".. I will wait.
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