can you suggest any books on how to deal with co-dependency? i've look through quite a few of them and feel overwhelmed with all of them. i posted about the differences in types of dependency and relationships but no one answered my post. i'm at the chapter about anger and today i thought long and hard about reasons to be angry, thinking that i really don't have any, and it was funny cause i kept repeating this song over and over again in my head, it was like my mind would not let me think about what could be causing me hidden anger if anything. it was like a barrier or something and it is scaring me now cause i don't understand why i kept doing that, like maybe blocking something that i don't even know anything about.

then i was asking about handling things in my life with the mind and behaviour of an adolescent, rebellious and defiant. i cannot find anything in this book that applies to that kind of behaviour or about filling the love tank? do you know anything about any of what i'm talking about? i'm seeing a therapist april 4th, but until then i want todo as much as i can on my own. thank you for any help you can give me, i really would appreciate it, thanks again.

[Tony T]

For anger issues, the best book is "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. It's available at www.amazon.com for less than $12. It's written specifically for women dealing with repressed anger.

For issues of co-dependency, there is a publishing company, Health Communications, of Deerfield Beach, Florida, that deals with hundreds of books relating to co-dependency. You might call them and ask for a catalog. They have a number of websites which you can find by going to www.google.com search engine and entering "Health Communications Deerfield Beach" in the search field.

Melodie Beattie has some great books on the subject. One of her most popular is "Co-Dependent No More". Of course, the master is John Bradshaw. His greatest works are: "Bradshaw On: The Family" and "Healing the Shame That Binds You." He also had both audio and video tapes available. He had an entire series on co-dependency that ran on public television about ten or 15 years ago.

Remember co-dependency and adult children of alcoholic families are synonymous so don't be confused when you see this. Dysfunctional families, whether it's from alcohol, drugs, physical abuse, verbal abuse, or whatever, have very similar characteristics. You will be amazed when you start reading.

There is a great deal of information right on the Internet. All you have to do is enter "anger management" or "co-dependency" in the google search engine and you will get a great deal of material.

If you use the above resources, you will have more information than you'll know how to handle.

thank you tony, right now i don't need more then i can handle, i'm dealing with a lot right now just trying to work through alot of crap in my head. you know i never new my dad and for years i felt sadness about it but today i felt really hurt and angry and i cried some real earth breaking tears. i realized how i had tried to use my brother as surogate dad but my brother was a first class ass hole and still is. i never felt such hurt before today, that is why i'm asking for help because i really think it is blocking alot of potential for me and causing alot of problems in my life with work and relationships.

i think i will look up bradshaw, beatty and do a search for co-dependency, that should hold me over for a while. thanks again.

For anger issues, the best book is "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. It's available at www.amazon.com for less than $12. It's written specifically for women dealing with repressed anger. For issues of co-dependency, there is a publishing company, Health Communications, of Deerfield Beach, Florida, that deals with hundreds of books relating to co-dependency. You might call them and ask for a catalog. They have a number of websites which you can find by going to www.google.com search engine and entering "Health Communications Deerfield Beach" in the search field. Melodie Beattie has some great books on the subject. One of her most popular is "Co-Dependent No More". Of course, the master is John Bradshaw. His greatest works are: "Bradshaw On: The Family" and "Healing the Shame That Binds You." He also had both audio and video tapes available. He had an entire series on co-dependency that ran on public television about ten or 15 years ago. Remember co-dependency and adult children of alcoholic families are synonymous so don't be confused when you see this. Dysfunctional families, whether it's from alcohol, drugs, physical abuse, verbal abuse, or whatever, have very similar characteristics. You will be amazed when you start reading. There is a great deal of information right on the Internet. All you have to do is enter "anger management" or "co-dependency" in the google search engine and you will get a great deal of material. If you use the above resources, you will have more information than you'll know how to handle.

[Tony T]

You're going through some groundbreaking emotions now that are truly the beginning of your healing process. Growing up with a father who was emotionally distant and a mother who was as you described, and a brother who filled in for dad, is so typical of the classic dysfunctional family.

The road to healing is long and tough but you have to do it. You have to go through a lot of the feelings and learn what it's like to be fully human, learn what real love is, and learn what life should be all about. Once you get a real support system going, you'll discover a whole new you you'll be proud of.

I'm glad you're taking these first steps in the recovery process. Be patient with yourself.

what i meant was was my dad was never there, i don't even know his name, so i tried to have my brother be a surogate dad but he was such a jerk that it never happened. he didn't even know i was trying anything, he was just a total jerk all my life and to this day i cant stand him. my dad, i don't even know, never new and never will as i'm sure by now he is dead. my mom was there, sorta, she drank when we got older and went to the bars and pretty much left me to my older sisters who i dispised and they hated me tagging along so i started running away from home. any way its a long story i wont bore you with it, but i wanted to set it stragiht about the dad thing if it makes any difference or not on what you said, i would like to know. thanks so much for the encouragement, i really don't have anyone at all to help me with this, just alot of painful memeories i wish i could share them with my b-f but i dont even feel safe revealing all this to him for his lack of under standing since he grew up in such a good christian stable two parent home. so i am thankful to you for the support, i am going to stick with it, but you know what, right now i feel kinda funny, like i stepped onto another plane in my life, like i walked into someone elses life, really a strange feeling.

You're going through some groundbreaking emotions now that are truly the beginning of your healing process. Growing up with a father who was emotionally distant and a mother who was as you described, and a brother who filled in for dad, is so typical of the classic dysfunctional family. The road to healing is long and tough but you have to do it. You have to go through a lot of the feelings and learn what it's like to be fully human, learn what real love is, and learn what life should be all about. Once you get a real support system going, you'll discover a whole new you you'll be proud of. I'm glad you're taking these first steps in the recovery process. Be patient with yourself.