does proving my wife's having an affair me under UK law?
I am now sure my wife is having an affair (text messages etc)... she has denied it of course, even swearing on the boys' lives.
Does it help me under UK law to get real proof she's having an affair?...
Photos? Private investigator?....
They're having a laugh at me at the moment and I want to put myself in as good a position as I can do (under the horrible, heart breaking circumstances)
You can always try to hire a PI, but that's an expense that might not bring any immediate results.
The thing that might work better is to try to get her to sit down and ask her whether she thinks you're stupid.
(Hopefully, she'll indignantly say no...)
Then ask her if she has any respect for you at all....
(Hopefully, she'll indignantly say 'yes'...)
At this point, then say to her...
"Well if you don't think I'm stupid - and trust me, I agree with you, I'm not - hopefully you'll have the decency and kindness to respect me enough to be completely honest with me, and tell me whether you are seeing someone else. Think about it, because please believe me when I tell you, I will make it my business to find out whether you are lying to me."
Then shut up.
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Does it help me under UK law to get real proof she's having an affair?...
Likely a family lawyer (solicitor, attorney, barrister -- not sure what you call them in the UK) will be the best one to answer that question.
If you have 'no fault' divorce laws, then likely adultery won't make a speck of difference when it comes to financials or custody. BUT...wisest to check with a legal professional, I'd suggest.
Sorry that you are going through this.
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
Does it help me under UK law to get real proof she's having an affair?...
I think you need to establish whether she is having an affair or not.
You can divorce in uk for adultery and you can also site the OM in the petition to divorce also. But it makes no difference to the splitting of assets or custody/access to any children you may have. Take some free legal advice. Many solicitors give a free hours consultation - get it arranged immediatly and find out where you stand.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's hard, but get some free legal advice immediately.
Last edited by LifesontheUp; 11th October 2008 at 4:25 PM..
Adultery is only permissable as a reason for divorce for 6 months from the date of discovery. After that you need unreasonable behaviour or separation.
As for getting her to admit her affair, well you are encountering one of the most destructive aspects of an affair. Your wife will tell ANY lie, exploit ANY weakness in you, and basically do whatever it takes to keep the affair secret and therefore alive. When you finally uncover the truth, as you surely will, the memory of her behaviour (and lack of remorse, at first) will be one of the hardest things to get over.
For myself, I used a spyware program on her computer, and managed to get to her mobile after she forgot to turn it off. Even when confronted with overwhelming evidence it was 2 months before she admitted what she was up to, and in the ensuing 3 years she has never come clean about what has gone on in our marriage.
If UK laws are anything like US laws, then unfortunately, her screwing someone else has no bearing on marital assets and custody. It should, but it doesn't.
And if its anything like the US, then no matter how wretched she is, she will get custody of any kids you have together unless you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt she is an unfit mother. And unfortunately, not giving a crap enough about your kids to screw around on the father isn't good enough to prove her unfit.
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