Hi, I am looking for clarity, comfort and understanding. I chose to no longer love my husband and at that point I realized I had chose to replace this missing love for that of a married man. For 7 months I chose not consciously to fall in love with a man I was not even attracted. We work closed together on 3 days out of the week. I then subconsciously took it to another level, I had an intimidate dream about. I it was more realistic than it was good. There was hidden messages and then I had another dream, where his wife questioned the fact that he was cheating on him with a woman name Crystal. Now my name is not Crystal, but there is a Crystal that is in our surrounding circle. She is very quiet, but not a fixture yet. Anyway after about 3 weeks, I told him. We talked and he let me know he had feelings for me as well. The killing part is I have been mistress off and on for 14 years and I know the limits and the guidelines. None of this fell into play with. We acted as though we had no boundaries, in essence I knew we would be caught. His acts warranted suspicion. My actions were no better, because at this I was head over hills in love with him. Now the chose was obvious and I got caught up in the things he had told me and there I let my guards all the way down. We did get caught after the fact. The sex was not what I thought and the dream had no justice after this. So we were exposed, but I still love him alot. The way it went down, he probably won't ever talk to me again and I am ok with that. Our friendship is one of the things I miss, my heart skips a beat and I miss he smile and just him. I know I am wrong, but how do I love again or move on with out him. There are days I wish I could just talk to him.
__________________ LOOKING FOR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, STILL......
Look, this guy cannot have a relationship with a fifth grader. It's illegal. Wait until you hit 18 or so and look for a single guy. Or, maybe when you and your husband finish highschool, things will be better between you.
You made a lot of choices... mostly to do with what you wanted.
funny how other people also get to make choices.....
Choose to move on.
Hopefully, you've also chosen to divorce your husband, as well as stop loving him, so he can choose someone who will choose to love him....
Spoilt for choice, aren't you?
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"Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law."
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts, we make the world."
This is a new one for me. I don't think that I have ever read a person who takes responsibility for all their choices and said that they were conscious choices, I respect that. Now how about you tell your H and let him find true love and respect, it would be the right thing to do.
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Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
that's just it he has chosen to divorce me, after 10 years of his TREATMENT and me allowing him to do things I truly don't approve of. I decided 11 months ago I was tired of his crap and I turned the love off for him. So I have freed him and now he wants to come back and as he says love me the right way. What is my decision, move on or be stuck in a dead end relationship? NO, Heck NO, I will take the insults and love elsewhere.
I don't get why, when you chose to replace your missing love, you chose an unavailable man. And 14 years as a mistress? You were married ten years of that, right? And you wonder why your husband treated you poorly?
What are you looking for here? How to move on from these men who treated you bad? You go be by yourself for a while, until you reach the point where you are no longer willing to compromise your values and ideals.
Started Affair at 20; Met future husband at 24; Married husband at 32; Turned off love for husband at 33 and one month....and here we are today at 34 and wondering what to do. That's how I sum up the numbers thing.
Bottom line, if you are 20, 30 , 40 or whatever.....get out of the crappy marriage so he and you can both find a life somewhere else and with people that will make you happy. Time will heal the feelings and hurt from the A and no amount of talking to exMM is going to give you closure because you are not looking nor do you sound ready to let go or close anything right now!
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Lost in love's madness with an off limit man
LOOKING FOR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, STILL......
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