[Laurenwho]

I posted "I need to break up with him" and I had told him I want to leave him because he doesn't spend any time with me. We talked and he told me he was willing to take a leave of absence from his hobby for a month and also only work 3 days (instead of 6) at his 2nd job. I told him I needed to think about his offer. But in reality if he would actually follow through and do what he suggested I would be very happy. That was last night.

Today at lunch, I asked if what he felt today after our discussion last night. He said he didn't know and was I still planning to leave him? I said that if he is willing to do a trial run of him working only 3 days a week for the next month, I will not leave him and we can see how it goes. He said he is willing to do this (well he said he is planning to do this whether I stay or leave which I doubt because if I leave he will probably work MORE) but his biggest fear is that we will just argue all the time if we spend more time together. He said he will let me know his decision by the time I get home from work today.

All I've done is cry because I have the feeling he is going to dump ME. That since I agreed to try his suggestion of spending more time together instead of leaving him, he should be jumping at the chance!!! If he loved me at ALL he would do whatever it takes to get me to stay with him. (and it wasn't something I demanded, this was something HE suggested as a solution) But now it seems he is back peddaling. He is saying we really don't have anything in common and that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but he is just scared we will argue more if we spend more time together. I don't understand why he is so reluctant to try HIS idea for a month and if it doesn't work out then we end things then. But he is now saying maybe everything is too far gone. When a week ago he told me he thought things were great!!! I am so upset. So hurt and so angry. I just feel like he NEVER loved me at all or this was all a big act because how can he seem to let go of me so easily!!!?

He says he doesn't want to lose me? Well if this was true wouldn't he be happy at the chance of me staying and us trying to work things out (I was leaving because we never see eachtother and he doesn't make time for me.) and his suggestion at first was that he would definately make time for me. But now (not even a day later) he is saying he's not sure. I am so sad that this guy who I thought loved me for the last 6 years can just throw me away so easily. How does one deal with this?

[Treasa]

I love my boyfriend. I really do. However, before making any big change in my life I'd have to think it over. Even if I knew it'd make him happy. My happiness counts, too.

You need to be patient and see what he says. Maybe he senses your anxiety and that's why he's backing away.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

He probably needs to think about it because he feels like it's always going to be something with you.

How do you deal with it? Hey, you were the one wanting out to begin with! (be careful what you wish for) He was FINE with things the way they were, and you've been putting up with it for so long, where's his motivation to make changes? Now you've thrown out this ultimatum (I'm leaving if you don't make time for me), and looks like you may just get what you want.

What do you want with a guy you rarely see, anyway? At least if this falls apart, you'll be free to find someone else who will make you a priority.

Hugs, I know it's tough, I struggle with time and attention issues in my marriage, too. But in mine, I want him to stop doing things he started doing after pumping me full of babies, not give up the things he was already doing. I still think that is unfair of you.

What do you guys argue about when you're together? I can see why he'd rather be away from home if it's you bitching at him constantly. Does he start fights? Or is it you?

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Oops, just read yiur response in the other thread. disregard comments about unfairness.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Another thing: after six years, there is some natural taking-for-granted going on. That's not to say it's okay, but people get comfortable and no longer feel the need to 'woo' their partner. It takes work, conscious effort.

Just imagine how awful it would be if you were married!