Since I've been NC for awhile, I obviously haven't seen my ex in a long time and haven't seen any pictures or anything since I blocked on facebook. So it's almost like I've kinda forgotten what she looks like a little, so in my head when I think back of her I think of her as a lot more attractive than she actually was. It's not like she was ugly, she was a cute girl, but the way I think of her now is like she was some great beauty and it leads to depressing thoughts like "I'll never get with a girl as attractive as her" when she was actually not amazingly beautiful.
I also get depressed thinking about how great the sex with my ex was. I think future girl's won't be willing to do certain things she did that made it so good.
Not only do they become more attractive they also seem like truly amazing, wonderful people. I guess it's because we are no longer exposed to what they really are that we begin to idealize them in our minds. It's part of the process. What I do is that I think about the bad times I had with my ex and ask myself if I want to go through those times again. Heck no!
Nope, I don't see any exes as being more attractive than they are. More often than not, I see them as less attractive for whatever caused the break up.
Remember, whatever you can create in your mind, you can uncreate.
dude i know exactly what you are talking about. I always knew my ex was attractive but after we broke up. I thought to myself "damn, you really let something go" and she began dating a stud basketball player and then I felt even worse and inflated her attractiveness to myself.
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dude i know exactly what you are talking about. I always knew my ex was attractive but after we broke up. I thought to myself "damn, you really let something go" and she began dating a stud basketball player and then I felt even worse and inflated her attractiveness to myself.
yup
i guess i'm not the only one, who feels felt this way, as i said in the thread I created my girl was beautiful, but when she dumped me, suddenly i would think of her as some runway model, yet every day i see so much girls who look better than her, its a weird feeling and even to this day im still thinking like damn she was so sexy maybe to good for me, but then I think wait I had girls who were sexier than her before, i hate this feeling.
I do this ALL THE TIME. Even still sort of doing it with my last ex who I think is so handsome. But then I remind myself that I always find another guy I find even handsomer.
Yeah, I think this a very common thing to do. What is even more common, as mentioned above, we tend to also forget most of their flaws and sort of inflate them to have been these wonderful people and place them on pedestals. Sometime we have to really concentrate to remember just how flawed they actually were.
I am not sure why the mind does this. You can go through a very rocky relationship with someone you love (for some reason) and they can drive you crazy with bad habits and attitudes but then when they are no longer around after the breakup, you can only focus on the good stuff and then inflate those good things to levels that your ex never actually reached.
Since I've been NC for awhile, I obviously haven't seen my ex in a long time and haven't seen any pictures or anything since I blocked on facebook. So it's almost like I've kinda forgotten what she looks like a little, so in my head when I think back of her I think of her as a lot more attractive than she actually was. It's not like she was ugly, she was a cute girl, but the way I think of her now is like she was some great beauty and it leads to depressing thoughts like "I'll never get with a girl as attractive as her" when she was actually not amazingly beautiful.
I also get depressed thinking about how great the sex with my ex was. I think future girl's won't be willing to do certain things she did that made it so good.
Anyone else do this?
Man yes to all of this except I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN HOW SHE LOOKS AND I JUST ABOUT REMEMBER everything including marks on her body.
This will drive you crazy!! I try and not think about all of this because it does make me sad! I just drove home from a 450 mile one way away journey and I thought a lot of her including the things you mentioned.
I am still messed up over my ex...although I am getting better. I find myself asking does she think of and miss me on daily basis like I do her.
One day these thoughts will vanish, but for now I fight my demons about her.
Good post!
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I once believed in you, I believed in us. You rushed to be with me and you rushed to leave me. Leaving me only with memories in between your rushes!
Nope, I don't see any exes as being more attractive than they are. More often than not, I see them as less attractive for whatever caused the break up.
Remember, whatever you can create in your mind, you can uncreate.
But dammit it is so hard!!!! I wish to uncreate everything about my ex!!! It about damn killed me! Time will tell if I become stronger...one thing is for sure because of wasting two years of my life, I know what to look for in a future mate.
Yeah. He was pretty much exactly what I was looking for in a lover. No one else had even come close. But a friend of mine told me great sex comes down to the woman, so I'm hoping that's true.
But dammit it is so hard!!!! I wish to uncreate everything about my ex!!! It about damn killed me! Time will tell if I become stronger...one thing is for sure because of wasting two years of my life, I know what to look for in a future mate.
I agree it's not easy. Try the following mental exercise. If need be, use pen and paper.
When you have some time one day, try stepping back from your emotions for a second, literally blanking your mind of preconceived notions about your ex, all the time you've spent together, everything.
Now reconstruct her in your mind using realistic traits, external and internal. This includes her negative aspects and maybe more so, illustrate those, if it helps to begin with, although it's better to use realism.
Now allow all those emotions and history to come flooding back. Reconstruct her based on this.
Many times, what you'll find is that the real person you've reconstructed v. your romantic version are very different people. The person you fell for, doesn't really exist. If you can distance yourself to this extent, you might find yourself distancing yourself from the attachment.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
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