[missinghrt]

Hello everyone, never thought I'd be posting here after 'lurking' here for two years--I want to thank everyone for the sound and sage advice I've gotten here in the past.

I've been dating my g/f for 5 years, we've had our ups and downs with said downs including me acting disrespectful towards her (talking to other women on the phone,etc.) we've broken up, to the point that I realized that I wanted to be with her and respect her like the woman she is. We moved in with each other, and its been mostly blissful.

Fast forward to now. She got a wonderful job offer in China to work for a year, and has been there for 6 months now. She wanted to get engaged before we left, but we both decided to get engaged closer to the time she'd return, or in my mind our annv. this Valentines day


Problems....now she has always had guy friends in her life. I've had no problems with them, except one guy who told her he didn't want to be friends with her if we dated each other. (??) So now, when I visited her in China, the day I get there we meet a lot of her friends--one guy is totally into her, I can just tell. Then I see her rubbing his back! When I confront her later, first she gets defensive says that she's just affectionate with all her friends, so I'm like "Ok" She swears that she is dedicated to us but its still weird to me. She says she got defensive because she knows how she feels about us...

When I get home, I join facebook. And then I see a pic with her and another guy, his hand on her butt, her breasts in his face. I'm like "wtf?" point is at this point, at her age (30yrs) I feel like we should be past this. Look I'm not saying she's wrong, but for ME, that's not cool; there have been a LOT of instances in which she has done things that make me uncomfortable. I feel at this point, I should maybe bow out and move on--we've taken countless breaks, breakups, etc. I think that it might be time to cut my losses.

Am I completely wrong? I'm not a jealous type, but what bothers me is her disregard for my feelings. I can find someone who will take my feelings in regard.

[Geishawhelk]

Well, really, IU think I'd like to see her talk her way out of that one....!

You have some tough decisions to make, but if you really wnat to kick this into touchdown, I'd do it clean, fast and final.
You have so much fun to have, and this is eating you up. And she's in a different country.
Three things - THREE THINGS - are an absolute essentialo for a relationship to function:

Trust.
Communication.
Respect.

It takes effort to keep all those plates spinning, but if one or more of them, have come crashing down, it's hard to get a broken plate to spin again.... even glued, they're never as good as they were, are they...........?

[signedin2008]

Could this be a cultural difference in perception? Are you in a interracial relationship? What are your and her ethnical backgrounds? What about this other guy?

[missinghrt]

Why would you ask that? Racial divides or not, I just think as a person, and I have plenty of white friends who are not even comfortable with a girl that they are seeing having random guy friends, much less. Not even on that...ok can we get some other, non racist opinions please? Thanks.