[suspicious22]

i've been in a relationship with this girl for a little over a year. we'd known each other through friends for about a year before that (though i wouldn't say we were friends during that time). anyway, throughout the last few months i've noticed weird little differences in her. it feels like she's hardly there to be honest.

so it began. i started googling things like "signs she's cheating", etc. this really only facilitated my worries. we have the same phone plan so i started looking through the bill for weird numbers and asking her about it. she was fine answering but more recently she seems really uptight. i'll ask her "what did you eat today?" and she'll sort of freeze up and it takes me a while to get an answer out of her. she says its because she ate bad food (junk food or fast food i guess) and is afraid to admit it.

also, since i've been suspicious, i've been thinking of one person in particular (the friend i knew her through) that the affair might be with. so when i see this friend (who neither of us had talked to for a year but i run into him from time to time) i talk to him about particular things. i listen to things he says and in my crazy overly suspicious mind plot to "catch" my girlfriend by asking her questions about things he said. for example, i told my friend that i had to get something repaired and he told me that all the memory would be lost. so i go to my gf and say "did i tell you what would happen when i get this repaired" and she goes "all the memory would be lost?". she says it was just a guess. and i know this is soo crazy and stupid to do in the first place so i just accept that she's telling the truth. but it certainly doesnt help my suspicion.

so i sat down and talked to her about it one day (and several times since then). she said any weird behavior is probably because she's been "out of it". it feels like i hear that every time we talk about this. i'm not sure what to believe. what does that even mean? how can that be helped? i have a "gut feeling" but isn't that what paranoia is in the first place? things feel weird. i feel distant from her. she's actually becoming suspicious of me lately. trust is obviously something thats important so i'd like to know what i should be doing to build it here. i'll go a few days trusting her and having a good time, only to get that ugly feeling again where everything seems to go black and i don't trust her again. i love her, and i want to feel loved. she seems to be losing respect for me. is it because she's cheating or because i've become so paranoid?

thanks to any who read.

[Bryanp]

What you are feeling is your gut instinct telling you something is not right. You say she fits many of the signs of a cheater. She freezes up when you ask what she ate? Is this because whe went out to eat with this guy and had to think of an answer? The computer example is interesting. Usually when something does not seem right it is because something is not right.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Originally Posted by suspicious22

is it because she's cheating or because i've become so paranoid?

thanks to any who read.

You sound paranoid.

Do you get irritated when she does not do what you think is best?

[suspicious22]

Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire

You sound paranoid.

Do you get irritated when she does not do what you think is best?

sometimes, i guess. not irritated as much as i just want to help her stay on track. we both wanted to lose the 5-10 pounds we'd gained since school and she said she wanted to go to the gym with me more so i encouraged her and would try to say things like "you probably shouldn't eat that" or "we probably should eat this". that's the only reason i can explain the junk food thing. i wasn't harsh about it by any means though.

[sweet&simple]

I think you're being paranoid.. you could be feeling distant because of your own reactions to things. I think if someone was constantly asking me what I ate, or weird questions, or discussing how they thought I was cheating when I wasn't I wouldn't want to respond or might be a bit irritated after a while.

Until you have some concrete proof of anything.. you should let it go. If your gut keeps at you, try and find out if she's cheating.. talking to her about it probably won't do anything.