Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I've been dating my current girlfriend for about 6 months now, and starting about a month ago, she started hanging out with one of her other guy friends that she's known for years but never really saw much. I can't help but feel jealous, and more and more, I keep thinking she's cheating on me with him.
But I have no real evidence of it. If she actually is cheating on me, she's doing a good job of acting normal. She will freely admit when she's made plans to hang out with him; she doesn't sneak around. She'll gladly say "I love you" to me and kiss me in front of him, and he doesn't react oddly to it or anything.
I mean, really the only suspicious thing she does is hang out with him from time to time, but that's most likely because they both smoke weed and I don't, so if she's just with me, she probably feels a bit odd smoking while I just sit around.
Its really starting to bother me though that I feel like I can't trust her, but she really hasn't given me any reason to not trust her. I'm worried that my paranoid jealousy is going to destroy what is otherwise a great relationship.
In my life, I've been all three parts of the cheating triangle at some point or another: The cheater, the cheated, and the person being cheated on with. My experiences with it have taught me that cheating creates a lot of heart ache and it really isn't worth it. However, it has now made me so afraid of having my heart broken by cheating that I'm paranoid and jealous.
I've talked to her about it. While I haven't accused her of cheating on me, I have said that I'm having some bad jealousy issues about it, but I don't want to be the ******* boyfriend who tries to control her and tell her who she can and can't hang out with. She just responded telling me I shouldn't feel jealous, and assured me that she loves me and wouldn't cheat on me.
Any advice?
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 8th October 2008 at 7:11 AM..
Hmmm.. this could go either way.. either she is cheating on you and is trying to make you believe they're just friends, or they're actually just friends. I'd say that her kissing you in front of him/having you meet him/whatever might mean she's not.. most people who cheat don't want their SO to know about, and putting you right there struck me as kind of odd.
There isn't much you can do now.. which I'm sure isn't what you wanted to hear, hah. You've voiced your concerns and you're right, you can't tell her who to hang out with and who not to hang out with. Just be alert about the situation. If strange things start to happen and you begin to feel uncomfortable, talk with her about it.
Red flag # 1, she smokes weed. No class man. Not sure how old you guys are.
I'm gonna give you something to think about.
Put aside all the heartbreak stuff. Lets face it, when you open yourself up to someone, no matter what happens, you all COULD endure some sort of pain. Thats life man.
Now, the whole cheating thing. My advice. Don't mention ANYTHING about it until you have concrete evidence she is cheating. Don't you see your giving her power by telling her you feel jealous.
Who knows if she is cheating. Its on her man and her character. She has to sleep with that burden at night. If she dosent, well then you know you have a girl who is a poor companion for you.
Im not saying be blind to the fact. Just be alert and don't say anything until you know for sure. If you know for sure, walk away ASAP.
Last edited by NewKid99; 8th October 2008 at 12:34 PM..
I am not knowlegeable about this but dosen't smoking weed increase the desire for sex when it is just the two of them together. Do they just go to his place, get high and
talk about world affairs? I think it is a bad sign that she needs to get high with another guy.
Red flag # 1, she smokes weed. No class man. Not sure how old you guys are.
She's 18. I'm 26. I really don't think anything of smoking weed.
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Now, the whole cheating thing. My advice. Don't mention ANYTHING about it until you have concrete evidence she is cheating. Don't you see your giving her power by telling her you feel jealous.
Well I've already told her I feel jealous, but I wasn't planning on outright accusing her of cheating, or even asking about it, unless I had some solid evidence.
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Originally Posted by Bryanp
I am not knowlegeable about this but dosen't smoking weed increase the desire for sex when it is just the two of them together. Do they just go to his place, get high and
talk about world affairs? I think it is a bad sign that she needs to get high with another guy.
You're confusing weed with alcohol. Weed CAN increase libido in some people, but it doesn't hinder your judgement, so if she wouldn't have sex with him sober, its unlikely she'll have sex with him high. Talking about world affairs, certainly not. But they just chit-chat about work, school, etc.
She sounds like a woman that has male friends.... its tough because people think men and woman can't be friends without it becoming sexual. What happens alot is one is a friend and the other wants more....Whatever you do, don't act like a jealous guy... and get freaked out as you could ruin something that is perfectly innocent between the two of them. It's tough because you simply don't know.... why don't you hang out with them when you can and change the dynamics a bit and see how they are with each other. Maybe it will ease your mind.
Last edited by Caitlan; 8th October 2008 at 8:28 PM..
She sounds like a woman that has male friends.... its tough because people think men and woman can't be friends without it becoming sexual.
Well unfortunately I'm a slight believer in Ladder Theory, so I can't help but think that he definitely wants to have sex with her. However, on the flip side, she probably has him on the "friends" ladder so its not an issue.
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Whatever you do, don't act like a jealous guy...
I'm trying my damnedest not to. I'm doing a good job at it, if I say so myself. I don't bring it up when she says she's with him or is planning on being with him. It just eats at me when I'm not with her.
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...and get freaked out as you could ruin something that is perfectly innocent between the two of them.
I doubt I'd ruin anything between them. I'm more worried about ruining what's between *us*.
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It's tough because you simply don't know.... why don't you hang out with them when you can and change the dynamics a bit and see how they are with each other. Maybe it will ease your mind.
I got my mind eased a lot tonight when she drove way out of her way just to see me for 5 minutes before I went to bed. As for hanging out with them, I've never really been there while he's there, and she knows that I feel jealous, but I don't yet appear like I'm suspicious, and I don't want to look that way. So, I'm unsure how to invite myself to be with her while she's with him without looking like I don't trust her.
I am just curious but I wonder how she would be feeling if you had to always hang out with a female friend (who wanted something more from you) to get high with? In addition say you told her that you just like to go over to her place to get high and talk about the events of your day and just kick back and relax. I bet that she would have an entirely different view of this situation. The bottom line is that I doubt that most men would be so accepting of a girlfriend that needs to hang out with another guy at his place to get high with and talk about the events of the day. I am sorry but it sounds disrespectful to the person you are in a relationship with and possible trouble in the long run. This is just my opinion.
I am sorry but it sounds disrespectful to the person you are in a relationship with and possible trouble in the long run. This is just my opinion.
Yeah man, No hard feelings but your 26.. I don't know too many 26 yr olds that hang with other guys to get high and smoke weed (at 18 you can expect this nonsense). I know you love her bro, but lets face the music here. Maybe it's time to reflect what you gotta do here in the long run.
I've been dating my current girlfriend for about 6 months now, and starting about a month ago, she started hanging out with one of her other guy friends that she's known for years but never really saw much. I can't help but feel jealous, and more and more, I keep thinking she's cheating on me with him.
But I have no real evidence of it. If she actually is cheating on me, she's doing a good job of acting normal. She will freely admit when she's made plans to hang out with him; she doesn't sneak around. She'll gladly say "I love you" to me and kiss me in front of him, and he doesn't react oddly to it or anything.
I mean, really the only suspicious thing she does is hang out with him from time to time, but that's most likely because they both smoke weed and I don't, so if she's just with me, she probably feels a bit odd smoking while I just sit around.
Any gf/bf with a few or many friends of the opposite sex that they hang out with, especially one on one with, is nothing but trouble. All those guys can fulfill the same needs as you can.
She is keeping her options open. So reduce her choices and remove yourself from the equation.
Find someone worthy of your efforts and affections.
I don't think that the problem is really the fact that she's going to cheat on you...I think that the real problem is that you are probably well past a stage in your life that she is just beginning. If you want someone that's not going to hang out and get high with other dudes, don't date an 18-year old.
sounds like you have nothing to worry about. your girlfriend seems to be doing everything she can to make you feel comfortable without giving up her independence. in a healthy relationship, she shouldn't have to. it is not disrespectful as some have suggested, for her to have male friends. I smoke weed and I can tell you it doesn't make you want to have sex with anyone you don't already want to have sex with. I agree with the suggestion to hang out with both of them, and you don't have to do it while they're smoking. try inviting him out with you and your girlfriend and maybe some of your friends. focus on getting to know this guy and maybe you'll gain a friend.
Any gf/bf with a few or many friends of the opposite sex that they hang out with, especially one on one with, is nothing but trouble. All those guys can fulfill the same needs as you can.
She is keeping her options open. So reduce her choices and remove yourself from the equation.
Find someone worthy of your efforts and affections.
I would definitely say that's not true.
I have a lot of guy friends.. and we hang out one on one, never have inappropriate conversations or flirting, and they can't fulfill the "same needs," my boyfriend can.. or I'd be dating them.
I have a lot of guy friends.. and we hang out one on one, never have inappropriate conversations or flirting, and they can't fulfill the "same needs," my boyfriend can.. or I'd be dating them.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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