[Duckie]

I've been with my bf for eight months. We've known each other a year. There's another girl he is friends with but she lives really far away. At the beginning of our relationship, I was told by mutual friend that he was wishing she lived closer so they could be together because they seemed so perfect. And followed up with saying I wasn't so much.

When I asked him about it, he said it was true but that it was a joke. (Ummm? Not funny.) Well, ever since then I guess I've been a bit sensitive to their friendship. They progressed from just talking online, to texting, to talking on the phone. They have cute little inside jokes together. While at work they're emailing back and forth. When he and I get into a fight, he calls her (just to bother me?). I've been bad and snooped....I found that he had sent her a text, "Good morning, time to get up!" It really disturbed me. When I confronted him, he just turned it around on me because I snooped.

I don't know if I'm just oversensitive or what. I was cheated on a lot in my last relationship. I hope I'm not just paranoid.

For the record, I don't think anything REALLY is going on, but perhaps some emotional cheating. As in, I don't think either of them is saying, "Oh god I want to be with you, blah blah," or getting together (because of the distance) but I think he would prefer to be with her over me.

I am almost 100% positive that if she lived closer they would be together and he and I would be over.

Can I live with this situation??

[sweet&simple]

We can't tell you if you can live with it.. you have to decide that for yourself.

What do they talk about so much that they need to talk online, through texts, on the phone, emailing, etc? I would just find it hard to believe that if he's said to someone "if you lived closer, we'd be perfect for each other," and then just talks about mundane things like the weather or something.

Also, the fact that he calls her after arguing with you? Hah.. I don't think I could live with that.

[Caitlan]

I don't believe for a minute that he said that as a joke. It doesn't even sound like a joke. A "joke" is the standard comeback when you've been caught at something to get off the hook. Personally... the fact that hes in constant contact with her coupled with that comment I'd think.. yes emotional cheating..... I wouldn't be able to deal with it and would tell him how it feels. If he flips out, then you know its a long road with this guy as your future with him... is a future with him and her.

Why do you want to stay with him if you know in your heart that he would drop you in a heartbeat if she was closer? Find someone that's crazy about you and tell him goodbye.

[Amiss]

You are right to be worried, gut instincts are best listened to but you also have proof-his comments show you whaat he is really thinking.
You are second best to him and always will be.
Men and women CAN'T be friends 9 times out of 10.

[TigerCub]

Even if there wasn't anything going on between them, why would you settle for being someone's 2nd prize or "gf - mainly due to location convenience" ?