I mean after a seperation and neither parties want a divorce. Is the chance for getting back together and likely chance? What percentage of seperations lead to getting back together? How many actually work out?
My XH and I were separated for almost a year. Neither of us really wanted a divorce. Neither of us sought counsel from an attorney or mediator during that time apart. We finally tried couseling and moved back in together. I filed for divorce just over 6 months later. After being apart for that long and becoming independent again, I just couldn't get past our differences and could not see derailing my own progress to go back to the unknown. We had no children though.
I was married 25yrs, separated for 7 months but then when we got back together we did some counseling but we didn't follow through on the stuff we were supposes to do, it was like it fell back into the same old thing.
The only difference is I had started going to the gym, lost weight, started riding my bike, didn't set around the TV anymore. My stbxw lost her best friend to cancer, she spent a lot of time with her then she just sat on the couch when she got home from work. I tried getting her to do things with me (being controlling in her eyes) but she didn't want to, the housework that she was doing I started to do because I learned in the separation I liked a clean house, and I also did the cooking because I was trying to eat better, this made her not feel like part of the family but she didn't tell me so it just all fell apart so I think it is hard once you separate to get back together because during the separation you start looking at yourself & what you want.
i wouldn't pay too much attention on the "statistics". i think if both you and your partner equally wants this marriage work and are determined to do that and you both have truly dealt with the issues then their is a very good chance of it working out. but i'm already telling you that after reading this board for a while now you will not get an encouraging response on this topic. the trends here are somewhat against second chances and i think maybe, from what i have observed, not many people on this boards got a second chance or if they did, it failed. people can only speak on their experience and if they don't have a good experience with it then they don't have anything good to say about it.
Yes, by all means, do not pay too much attention to the statistics. They are only a factual collection of data relating to the probability of marital reconciliation after separation. Oh, and only the failed partners in relationships, marriages and reconciliations end up on LS. There are NO success stories here... None.
The difference between this site and others is that there is no behind-the-scenes book/s, videos or counseling sessions for sale to "back up" success rates for marriage/reconciliation. No one is sugar coating their experience here. I am soooooo sick of hearing people say that members of LS promote divorce and are against reconciliation or 2nd chances. Huh?
The "national" divorce rate has skyrocketed to somewhere between 50-60%, and I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with this site!
Divorce sucks. It is a roller coaster of emotions that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
I mean after a seperation and neither parties want a divorce. Is the chance for getting back together and likely chance? What percentage of seperations lead to getting back together? How many actually work out?
Just looking for some light in my dark tunnel..
I am a success story.
My wife had another man and was going to move in with him and take my 2 year old with her.
Now, we are going on a cruise in a few days and can't be happier.
I used zaxxes.com and Stop Your Divorce. I have read numerous other books, but these 2 saved my marriage. I feel as though you can save your marriage if you really want. It takes patience, knowledge, focus, etc. You have to be willing to give alot, with very little in return at first. That is the method I swear by. Others would say, "That is totally wrong! You should never give yourself up like that!"
Look at it this way, I have a happy marriage again, but were do they stand?
1%, eh? LOL. Guess I'm pretty lucky then!
__________________
zaxxes.com saved my marriage!
Last edited by husbndinthemaking; 8th October 2008 at 10:36 AM..
I mean after a seperation and neither parties want a divorce. Is the chance for getting back together and likely chance? What percentage of seperations lead to getting back together? How many actually work out?
Just looking for some light in my dark tunnel..
So divorce was never mentioned during the discussion of separation?
Also have you set guidelines/terms during your separation and have stuck by the agreements?
Yes, by all means, do not pay too much attention to the statistics. They are only a factual collection of data relating to the probability of marital reconciliation after separation. Oh, and only the failed partners in relationships, marriages and reconciliations end up on LS. There are NO success stories here... None.
The difference between this site and others is that there is no behind-the-scenes book/s, videos or counseling sessions for sale to "back up" success rates for marriage/reconciliation. No one is sugar coating their experience here. I am soooooo sick of hearing people say that members of LS promote divorce and are against reconciliation or 2nd chances. Huh?
The "national" divorce rate has skyrocketed to somewhere between 50-60%, and I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with this site!
Divorce sucks. It is a roller coaster of emotions that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
Rant OVER...
i'm sorry you are soooo sick of hearing people in LS promote divorce or against reconciliation/2nd chances. i didn't mean to irritate you with my post, just merely stating my observation. every time somebody posts about reconciliation, regardless how promising or salvageable their situation is, the advices are usually more focused on negativity, why it wont work and that they never work and oh yeah the statistics. but i'm not really surprised coz i still yet have to come across with a post about a successful second chance.
yes statistics are factual but considering the statistics when deciding what to do with the relationship does not really help. so all i can say is if both parties are truly committed to make their relationship work then go for it. nothing is going to happen unless they try. but if they prefer to dwell on what the statistics says then forget it. it's only 1% right? so why bother?
yes statistics are factual but considering the statistics when deciding what to do with the relationship does not really help. so all i can say is if both parties are truly committed to make their relationship work then go for it. nothing is going to happen unless they try. but if they prefer to dwell on what the statistics says then forget it. it's only 1% right? so why bother?
The OP asked what the statistics were related to reconciliation after a separation. They are not good. That's a fact. That does not mean that committed partners should not TRY to reconcile, to save their marriage...
The OP asked what the statistics were related to reconciliation after a separation. They are not good. That's a fact. That does not mean that committed partners should not TRY to reconcile, to save their marriage...
I totally agree, you should do everything you can to make the marriage work.
What I see is the person that isn't happy in the relationship has been done with the marriage LONG TIME before they finally say anything so the spouse that still wants the marriage to work is already way behind on trying to save it.
In my situation when we separated the stbxw had said she still wanted to work on the marriage, but when we got back together she didn't do anything different, so of coarse it wasn't going to work.
Hopefully your W & you will be able to keep working together, but the important part I feel is you have to be able to say; did I do everything I could have done to save this marriage?
You have to be able to live with yourself, be able to go to bed at night & say; yes I did what I could & it just didn't work.
I still wish you the best of luck, be one of those 1% that make it & let us know......
My wife had another man and was going to move in with him and take my 2 year old with her.
Now, we are going on a cruise in a few days and can't be happier.
I used zaxxes.com and Stop Your Divorce. I have read numerous other books, but these 2 saved my marriage. I feel as though you can save your marriage if you really want. It takes patience, knowledge, focus, etc. You have to be willing to give alot, with very little in return at first. That is the method I swear by. Others would say, "That is totally wrong! You should never give yourself up like that!"
Look at it this way, I have a happy marriage again, but were do they stand?
1%, eh? LOL. Guess I'm pretty lucky then!
I see the success story here being to the WS's benefit.
Cheat, and you just might be able to lead your BS around by the nose.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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