[Kim666]

It has been almost 2 years since I left my abusive husband. I still cannot bring myself to trust a man.

I found out quite by accident that my ex has a new girlfriend that he has given a set of wedding bands that they both wear as a token of their love.

He has spread lies about me and called me everything but a person in the past two years and I cannot shake the feeling I should not have left.

It was both our second marriages and I had waited 13 years to remarry.

I feel like a failure and am not sure how to overcome that feeling.

He taunts me that he has moved on and I cannot. I have moved on partially but not to the extent he has.

I am not sure how to move on when I cannot seem to trust anyone.

Is there any advice for a girl like me who is just sort of stuck?

[ilmw]

Originally Posted by Kim666

It has been almost 2 years since I left my abusive husband. I still cannot bring myself to trust a man.

I found out quite by accident that my ex has a new girlfriend that he has given a set of wedding bands that they both wear as a token of their love.

He has spread lies about me and called me everything but a person in the past two years and I cannot shake the feeling I should not have left.

It was both our second marriages and I had waited 13 years to remarry.

I feel like a failure and am not sure how to overcome that feeling.

He taunts me that he has moved on and I cannot. I have moved on partially but not to the extent he has.

I am not sure how to move on when I cannot seem to trust anyone.

Is there any advice for a girl like me who is just sort of stuck?

It sounds like you are suffering from a victim's mentality.

If your ex husband was abusive... and you walked away.... he is doing what ever he can to continue to "effect" you.

He is continuing the abuse.

You are away from him now.... So... break the cycle... do something different.

Have you ever sought counselling?

Stop being a victim... help yourself.... get your life back.

As for him.... abusers will continue to abuse... so count your blessings you are away from him.

and have faith that not all men... abuse woman

ilmw

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I left an abusive husband and I was a bit unsettled about his new engagement a couple of years later. That is, until he shot her in the neck (she lived). Then I just had an overwhelming gratitude for my life and how it had turned out...me scraping by but free, him in prison, lol.

You need to be No Contact with him, and you'll learn to trust by first trusting yourself to SEE THE SIGNS. Go back over that relationship and see all the times you should have known something was wrong...for me, it was the time he got upset when we were jet-skiing with some friends, and he kept dumping the jet-ski with me on the back. I didn't know why he was upset (he said he wasn't), and he kept claiming that the dump-overs were accidents, but now? I think he was trying to drown me. He just didn't know how good of a swimmer I am.

[Kim666]

I have to admit you are probably both right...I am more then likely suffering from a victims mentality and I am lucky I got out...he did some major damage.

I just thought when I left I would recover a lot quicker then I have.

I am sure it would not have ended better if I had stayed...guess it will just take more time to recuperate.

[whichwayisup]

Definately do counselling, it'll save your life, as well as gain back the self confidence that you need right now. I read your other thread, getting back with that MM is NOT going to help you in the long run, it'll mess you up, hurt you, as well as hurting his innocent wife in all this too. I don't think you really want to go down that road.

Work on you, be happy you got out of your abusive marriage! And, as for what rumours he's spreading about you, trust me, one day ALL that will come bite him in the ass when his 'new' girlfriend finds out firsthand what type of man he really is.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Originally Posted by Kim666

I have to admit you are probably both right...I am more then likely suffering from a victims mentality and I am lucky I got out...he did some major damage.

I just thought when I left I would recover a lot quicker then I have.

I am sure it would not have ended better if I had stayed...guess it will just take more time to recuperate.

It will. And you'll be FINE! Life may never be perfect, but God knows, it will better than THAT.

I didn't read your other thread, but I see you were involved with a MM? Stop it! I, and probably every other woman who has been in your position, would say that you need to require more. Counseling will help, along with a healthy dose of "I deserve better!" shouted in your mirror every morning.

Good luck to you. Hang in there. It will get better. I promise.