[vertigocidic]

God, this sounds so awful and ugly and you're all probably going to hit me or something, but please, please hear me out. If you ever read the whole boyfriend wanting to hang out with his ex thing post I made, this will make a lot of sense.

But to those who are still confused, I'll recap; Boyfriend still has ex's cellphone/myspace. Last summer, he wanted to hang out with her alone. Crushed me and we argued until after our 10 months, when he asked me what was wrong with us and I brawled in misery. We spoke about the ex again the last time I was over his house (a week or so ago) but he looked kinda sad and asked me to never bring it up again. I shed some tears, and he held me and told me how much he loved me, that his exes can never compare to me, I'm the one for him, etc etc.

I never brought up to ex to him again. It's been a while... but then, when I think about it, now it has stripped away some of the special light in our relationship. I mean, I still love him- I'm STILL in love with him... but now a scene keeps playing over and over again in my head- me cheating on him.

Why? And how can I prevent it? I don't want to be a cheater. Cheating is terrible in my eyes...

[Lishy]

Nothing will make you cheat,it is a choice you make not a repercution of his actions.

If you are that miserable then talk to him and hopefully you can sort this out

[vertigocidic]

Originally Posted by Lishy

Nothing will make you cheat,it is a choice you make not a repercution of his actions.

If you are that miserable then talk to him and hopefully you can sort this out

I wouldn't say I'm miserable... more like, confused or something. I don't know. Whenever I see him, I feel very happy, I throw myself at him and stuff, and he texts me sweet things in the morning that still makes me giggle like a little girl.

I don't know. Maybe it's a phase? I am a very commitful person when I am in love with someone-I've had experiences, trust me- and stuff...

So, what's wrong with me?

[JamesM]

It is your way of dealing with the anger that you have towards him.

Fantasizing about cheating as a way to get revenge and actually following through with it are two different things.

I doubt you will cheat.

Recognize why you have these thoughts and decide what will help eliminate these thoughts.

Communicate with your BF and see if you resolve the issues that the two of you have.

[vertigocidic]

Originally Posted by vertigocidic

I wouldn't say I'm miserable... more like, confused or something. I don't know. Whenever I see him, I feel very happy, I throw myself at him and stuff, and he texts me sweet things in the morning that still makes me giggle like a little girl.

I don't know. Maybe it's a phase? I am a very commitful person when I am in love with someone-I've had experiences, trust me- and stuff...

So, what's wrong with me?

And I can't talk to this about him... no way! How attractive is this: "Oh, and by the way, I've been fantasizing on cheating on you, isn't that weird?"

Eeeeeyeah. Not.

[vertigocidic]

Originally Posted by JamesM

It is your way of dealing with the anger that you have towards him.

Fantasizing about cheating as a way to get revenge and actually following through with it are two different things.

I doubt you will cheat.

Recognize why you have these thoughts and decide what will help eliminate these thoughts.

Communicate with your BF and see if you resolve the issues that the two of you have.

I really don't think I have the heart to drop this bomb on him. I mean, who wants to hear the one they love say they are fantasizing on cheating on you? Not me, that's for sure!

And yeah, it could be the anger thing that I'm still have pent up inside of me.

Man. I kinda agree on the whole ex thing now- They do nothing but destroy relationships, no matter what their intentions are.

[bish]

Originally Posted by vertigocidic

God, this sounds so awful and ugly and you're all probably going to hit me or something, but please, please hear me out. If you ever read the whole boyfriend wanting to hang out with his ex thing post I made, this will make a lot of sense.

But to those who are still confused, I'll recap; Boyfriend still has ex's cellphone/myspace. Last summer, he wanted to hang out with her alone. Crushed me and we argued until after our 10 months, when he asked me what was wrong with us and I brawled in misery. We spoke about the ex again the last time I was over his house (a week or so ago) but he looked kinda sad and asked me to never bring it up again. I shed some tears, and he held me and told me how much he loved me, that his exes can never compare to me, I'm the one for him, etc etc.

I never brought up to ex to him again. It's been a while... but then, when I think about it, now it has stripped away some of the special light in our relationship. I mean, I still love him- I'm STILL in love with him... but now a scene keeps playing over and over again in my head- me cheating on him.

Why? And how can I prevent it? I don't want to be a cheater. Cheating is terrible in my eyes...

How about you find a guy that is worth a squirt of p!ss??

Him wanting to hang out alone, much less at all, with an ex-girlfriend is unacceptable and disrepectful.

How do you think he'd like it if you wanted to go somewhere "alone" with an old boyfriend? He wouldn't like it one bit, I guarantee.

Lose him and find someone worthy.

[XNemesisX]

I have to agree with bish although at least he had the character to tell you about wanting to be with her alone rather than just doing it and you never even knowing about it.

I can empathize with what you are saying, even though it makes me feel kind of like a slimeball. I think it is psychological....it is pent up anger and feeling like they are cheating in a way by holding on to the exes. Even if it is just in their own minds...you feel you are being cheated in some way. I haven't read your other thread but I'm in a similar situation with my boyfriend hanging on to exes and former FWB phone numbers and keeping them as friends on facebook. It makes me start feeling a bit passive aggressive because the things he does I would not do to him and I can gurantee you it would not be cool with him at all if the situation were reversed. It also makes me start feeling helpless and when this happens the feelings I have for him start to diminish and I treat him kind of bad. All of this is probably deep rooted in dishonest relationships I've had in my past, and feeling that I will never be able to compete with all these other people.

I am not so much fantasizing about just cheating, I am starting to wonder about other guys and how they would be as potential SOs. I have a few options right now. I'm sure this is a common problem in the age of cell phones and internet but I think I would probably feel much more content with life to have a boyfriend that can let go of past relationships! It wreaks havoc on me emotionally! I honestly want to know why it is so encouraged to force yourself to accept things that one finds unacceptable. It seems like many here offer the advice to not be jealous about pretty much anything. I just can't be that way....I can't force myself to think like a polygamist or swinger. Yes, I may be somewhat controlling and possessive. But I absolutely cannot force myself to think that "sharing" is perfectly OK. Is it too much to ask for someone to sever ties with people he has had sex with/dated?! I don't have a problem with letting them go, why should it be such a problem for them! I would really love to be with someone who also felt this way.

Have you asked him to delete the numbers? Beware of a trick my ex-boyfriend used to use. He would act like he deleted exes numbers then just put the numbers in under a guys name to try to throw me off! Unfortunately for him I was not that big of a fool!

I'm probably in the middle of an emotional tangent right now but this is hot on my mind right now...

[hayworth24]

I can here your stuggle in your email. Sounds like what you want is reassurance from him that you are the only one for him. You are still holding on to that distrust and in some way may want to even the playing field.

But here's the thing. IF you cheat, you know you will be in a worse situation than dealing with your trust issues.

If you talk with your BF, don't bring up your thoughts of cheating, it will only trigger his anger and thoughts as well.

Work through this on your own. Guys do not understand "i'm thinking of cheating". You sound like a good person, so don't lower yourself to that standard. It will all work out. Trust in yourself. xoxo.

[Savychick]

I completely agree with Hayworth. Cheating is not the answer and you will only feel worst. If you care for this guy respect his request not to bring up the ex. One step/day at a time!