Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Ugh. So, I just posted a post about how I was starting to get a little crush on this guy that I worked with, even though we hardly ever communicate and we don't talk outside of work...we have only said "Hi" at work. It was a stupid, mindless crush. I have a BF and I thought it was inappropriate and needed a new job anyway, so I put two weeks notice in...
Now today, I find out that my BF has been "practicing" music with this chic that I always had a suspicion about...I don't care that he has female friends and I really like all of the friends he has introduced me to...however, when we went to one of his rehersals there was this chic there that I got a funny feeling about. I have noticed that they send each other messages on Facebook...the only way that I know this is when he checks his email in front of me, it says that this chic has sent him a message. I have never been introduced to her, etc. Well, we always know what each other is doing throughout the day...he will tell me when he has practices with the guys, etc (He is a music major). Well, I just found out today through facebook that he has been practicing music with this chic ALONE and he has NEVER mentioned it to me before. Ever. And they are planning more rehersals together. I know that because a couple weeks back she wrote on his wall, "Thanks for...bla bla bla" and apparently they scheduled another time. I do not often look at his facebook wall. I have noticed that when I am over and she sends him a message, he will not click on it in front of me. whereas with everything else he will...
How am I supposed to feel about this? I feel so hurt right now. Why would he be hiding this from me? I have never gotten jealous about anything else or expressed jealousy. I like his female friends. Why would he have time alone with a girl and not tell me and continue to schedule this alone time? It is not for a class at all. Should I be upset? Should I bring this up??? I don't know what to do. I am crying. He has never even mentioned this girl to me before...
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+++ I love you much. It's not enough, you love blow and I love puff. And life, is like a pipe...and I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside...+++ ~ Amy Winehouse "Back to Black"
Don't freak out. She wouldn't be posting "thank you" on his wall if they were sleeping together, she'd be more discreet. Chances are nothing has happened yet, but maybe you should talk to him.
I half agree with the above-- the chances of her being that out in the open could either mean a] they're just friends, b] she wants to set up a fallback of "we're just friends, see?" if you ever caught them or c] she's a psycho chick who doesn't care he has a girlfriend and could care less what you think [yes, there are girls like that. I've had to deal with a few.]
Annnnyway.
Definitely talk to him about it. It doesn't sound like appropriate behavior if he's been hiding it from you.
If they're practicing together, then of course they would have to communicate to set up the sessions.
It does bother you however and you should be able to talk to him about it. But the issue isn't this girl as much as the fact that for some reason, you don't trust him.
It could be your past, or it could be his attitude. Is he making you feel safe and secure in the relationship, or is he generally cavaliere about the two of you?
I would feel the same. If I were you, I'd bring it up to him but don't point fingers at him just yet. Just ask him questions, and tell him he has to be dead honest or you're out.
Even if you confront him and he tells you it's nothing you should be worried about, don't let your guard down. The first sign I had of my SO cheating was that "funny feeling" you had mentioned; weigh that against what he has to tell you when you ask him about it.
Ask yourself this, is there any need for you to not trust him? In other words, has he given you any reasons in the past that would make you be insecure about your relationship with him right now?
Do you have a facebook yourself? Does he know you have a facebook? You have to consider a few things before jumping to conclusions. The worst thing you can do is assume that he's cheating on you and confront him about it when he's not actually doing anything but pursuing something positive for himself and possibly for the both of you in the future.
Just be calm about it. This is how I deal with insecurity freakouts.
I just tell myself, regardless if my gf is cheating on me or not, I'm going to end up the better person here because I know I haven't messed up. If she messes up on me, so be it, nothing I could have done to prevent it. Once you begin to really trust yourself, nothing else matters. And I'm not saying this in terms of finding someone else after the current relationship but more like dealing with these sudden burst of feelings you get about your boyfriend having something else going with this girl.
Don't get me wrong, he could be just putting there in case sh*t hits the fan between you too but I wouldn't worry about it too much; neither would I proceed with a green flag; definitely a yellow flag! =)
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I have learned to be kind from the unkind..
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