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It's a long story so bare with me
We have been married for 14yrs and I find out that he still is seeing his ex wife
Our first 5 yrs of marriage he wouldn't even talk to her on the phone or be anywhere with his kids if she would be there. Prior to us getting married I was diagnosed with MS. He said he was ok with it and we got married. In our 6th yr I was stricken hard by the MS and now am in a wheelchair. I asked him again about staying married. (I did not want to be a burden on him) He said that he loves me and if this is what God had in store for us so be it. I so believed him. Our sex life of course changed some - some things were a little harder for me but I still did my best and he always said he was ok with that. I have to admit that I often asked "not tonight please" During our course of married life we have had our money problems. So in our 10th yr he went to Kuwait for a year to make some extra money. I survived that year with the help of my family. Little did I know that his ex also went there and worked for the same company. I didn't find this out until after he returned. During the year he was gone we cleared all our bills, also with the help of cashing in my retirement we had enough money to purchase a cabin for vacations. Being I guess naive I believed him when for almost a year he told me that it wasn't handicap friendly yet. Come to find out he had moved her in there. I don't know what happened about that situation, but he took me up there finally and that's when I found out about it because all her stuff was still there. We spend all week-end talking and decided that she had to go. She confronted both him and I the next week-end and it was told to her by both him and I that she is not legal anymore and has to leave. Her stuff was gone the next week-end
Things between him and I seemed to be going along really well until he lost his job because of cut backs. He went to visit his now adult children for 4 days and came back with a cell phone from his ex. His children have always treated me very unfairly unless they needed something from me. They have said and done things to hurt me, so their parents could be together. Constant phone calls between them. Him and I arguing about really small stuff and he turned to alcohol. Drinking from about 11am till he passes out at night. This went on for about 3wks and one night he got his call from her and went out to the garage to talk. Well, I confronted him about it and he lied to me. I asked to look at his phone call list and he told me that was his phone and to stay out of it. I lost it and told him to get out. He did and hasn't been back since. (about 4wks now) I have done all the normal stuff that should not have been done. (text, phone calls to her and his family, cried, begged) I worked myself up into a total mess and ended up in the hospital with chest pain. Had to have a stress test, which I failed and then a heart cath which come back as no significant blockage. All this because of emotions.
He has moved into our cabin with her. He still is not working anywhere. She is paying all the bills for him. He refuses to talk to me and she has paid for a lawyer for him. They have removed all the ramps for me to get in and changed all the locks. I received separation papers stating that he does not want to divorce so I can stay on his military insurance, but he wants his stuff and I handle mine. I have been to my lawyer about this and was told by his lawyer that he really doesn't want the divorce and wants reconciliation. If that was true would he be carry on like thisWhat have I done wrong? To warrant this treatment.
I have started going to therapy, time will tell how that goes. I have stopped contacting him, Even though I'm not working and have no other income besides his. He has continued to have his military retirement sent to our bank but that all goes for insurances that he has. But he can always change that.
What should I do, I feel helpless
Last edited by somebodieswife; 1st October 2008 at 2:10 PM..
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What a jerk! I really don't know what advice to give as I haven't experienced anything close to what you're going through. I find it sickening that your retirement money paid for the cabin they're now both sharing together. How awful is that.. I just wanna give you a hug. He is such a selfish pig.. again, I'm sorry 
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