NC Inspiration - Starting/In It/Wanting to Break it - READ
Going into NC is by far the best thing to do.
I've learned this in the past couple of weeks.
My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago, and I went into complete NC.
I decided that I wasn't going to block her or delete her off my IM, so she has contacted me a few times.........I've been very very brief with her, and the conversation (if you wanna call it that) faded.
I have NEVER initiated contact with her, except today.
I IM'd her to wish her a happy birthday. She messaged me last week to do the same. I was contemplating whether to do it or not, and if she hadn't the week before, I probably wouldn't have either. However, I did.
I was doing so well, felt like I was gaining control over my feelings in the past couple of weeks. SHE was contacting me, I was brief and things were on my terms.
Don't get me wrong, everytime she contacted me, I was so happy, I even wanted to her to contact me more and more. It made me feel pretty good. She was still thinking about me!!
But let me tell you, once you contact them and you still have feelings for them, you go crazy all over again.
It was only an hour ago that I IM'd her and said Happy Birthday!
I said I hope she's doing well and hope she enjoys her bithday weekend. She exchanged the same sentiments and that was it.
But reaching out to her for the first time really set me back a bit. I am feeling that "no control emotion" again. Even though it was such an innocent exchange (I didn't beg, I didn't look needy, I didn't ask about anything she was doing), it still felt like I was being rejected. It brought back feelings I had slowly been getting rid of over the past few weeks.
So my advice to all of you out there thinking about NC or thinking about breaking it:
NC is by far the best thing you can do. The amount of control and stability it gives your life is really priceless. It hurts and hurts and it is so HARD!!! I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to text her or call her just to hear her voice or to tell her I miss her..........but I stopped myself because I knew nothing good would come from it.
I've also came to a realization that no matter how your situation has folded out, your girl will come back only if she wants to. There is absolutely nothing, and I mean, nothing you can do to make her come back. Doing NC helps her see the reasons why she was with you in the first place, but it doesn't change her thought process.
Go into NC, get on with your life. If she comes back, great (if that is what you want..........you'd be surprised how much your objective thought process kicks in after you get over the emotional hurricane). If she doesn't come back, in the least, you have moved on with your life.
NC will help wit that, I absolutely guarantee it. Remember what I said though, it will probably be one of the hardest if not the hardest thing you'll do in your life. See it as a challenge to yourself. Endure the pain and the hardship because it will pay off. I know many are faithless when it comes to this, and all you can think about is your relationship and your girl, but just try it for a few weeks, and you'll understand why it works and not to get your girl back, but to get you back.
I finally understand that now and hopefully others will soon be on their way.
Keep it up guys and stay strong. You're not the only one!!!
I've been doing NC with my exgf since June. The first month was the worst.
When you feel tempted to contact her, do something else, anything else. The urge usually passes after a few hours.
If you are feeling really, really tempted, wait 24 hours. If you still feel the strong urge to contact her, wait another 24 hours. Doing this got me through some really tough times.
i agree with this thread and it hurts but contacting the ex hurts more.
I miss him alot but then I cant stand what he has done to let me down.
He tried to contact me but it was so weak that I didnt entertain it.
I want him to love me and be my man so I dont need to have anything to do with him. He was not treating me as good as I should be so I cant go back to less than I deserve. He broke up with me and I said okay. No fighting cause I loved him but not how he does me so it was good. I am keeping me moving on cause I dont want to live that way anymore.
I'm on day eight of no contact and man is it hard. So many times I just wantgo call just want to ttxt but I can't. Now I know his hard it is for people To give up cigarettes etc. I still think of her alot but when I feel the urge to contact I keep telling myself she knows my number she knows my email I will not just be a friend keep it moving.
this is the second time ive been in no contact for a month. the last time i broke it and it got me nowhere. this time i dont plan on it.
but why dont i feel better?
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Everything happens for a reason.People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and some times good things fall apart so better things can fall into place.
this is the second time ive been in no contact for a month. the last time i broke it and it got me nowhere. this time i dont plan on it.
but why dont i feel better?
because it's still early, and you are still hurting from the breakup. it takes time.
i have such an urge to break the NC and write this long complex email. And yes we have a long complex situation that i have posted http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t165408/
In short - the guy i have been on and off with for 7 years and is the father of my one year old daughter left me 2 months today and started seeing someone 2 weeks later. I have did crazy texting, hate emails, love emails, calls and so on the fist few weeks. I have had NC (other than the our daughter) in 10 days and have been acting like i am great. I am 26 and he is 28. we are not children here. I feel like if i get into our past and do one make one more serious attempt that i can open his eyes a little. Is this crazy? can this work? am i setting myself up for rejection..My god, its hard...
Last edited by unknown815; 2nd October 2008 at 12:18 AM..
Yes, it's very hard. His birthday is coming up, and I wondered today if I should text him on that day or let it go. I should probably just let it pass. He is seeing someone else, and it's not up to me to wish him a happy anything.
What bugs me is that I was strong before he came along, and now I feel weak. It's very important to get ME back. I can't believe I was blind to the signs that I was a "Ms. Right Now."
I am going nuts!!! our break up came so sudden and unexpectedly. I am in NC but I have been so tempted to call her. my heart is telling me to call and plead my case. i havent but i cant stop thinkin about her. its 2 weeks now , i need relief. i am up a 3:30 every mornin i feel if i call i can fix it. i miss her so much. this NC thing is brutal.. HELP!!!
i always get to a month and panic. its like the pain is all i had left of him. and here i am trying to let go, and for some reason, its like i dont want to let go of the pain.
what the hell is wrong wtih me? it would be so stupid to call or text him....but im dying to.
The pain is all we have left. And some pictures and letters. Once the pain is gone they are truly gone. I havn't let go yet. I miss her boisterous laugh.
This time. In this situation. I will have the last laugh. I just joined a martial arts academy to emphasize discipline in my life.
"love is discipline" ---scott peck
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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