I was wondering, if someone you make a date with keeps leading you on..example...you make plans with them, they are suppose to call you back to firm up a time , figure out what movie thats playing, etc.
They say to call them on a certain day...you call...leave a message, and they don't call back....so you get a hold of them later, and they say, "Oh ...gee, sorry, I got caught up working late that night....how bout we go out schedule something for Fri night? I'll call you Fri afternoon!"
You do this , say about 2 times. At this point, should you confront them and say, "Hey, listen, what's going on here? Do you really want to go out with me or not or do you like to play games?"
Or do you just not even contact them ever again if they lead you on like that?
This woman is in her 40's, and I'd expect a whole lot better from a woman tha age...I think that's why I was sucked in actually....I ASSUMED that since she was past the age of 40, that her excuses WERE indeed legit, ,and not the same excuses as an 18 year old girl.
We usually expect people to mature with age, and part of this maturity is the way they deal with such dating issues.
However, most of my experiences have shown me whether a person leads you on, or cancels dates, or plays "games" has more to do with their core personality than their age.
For example, I have been dating two younger ladies, aged 21 and 25. In the last few months, I have also dated ladies who are 28,29,31,35 and 39.
The most consistent of the ladies were the one who are 21,25 and 29.
The other three, aged 28,31,35 and 39 were flakey in the extreme.
SO , my recent experiences have taught me to focus on the person rather than their age.
This doesn't mean that people don't mature; they obviously do but I am pretty sure that their core values and personality will change to a lesser degree or not at all.
If someone keeps flaking on me, I would stop calling and just let it go. I would not confront them with anything as it'd be pointless.
yeah..true....one would be just spinning their wheels...if you were to ask for some explanation...they'd just come up with another excuse from ...as ELain on Seinfeld puts it, "Excuse ROlodex"
We usually expect people to mature with age, and part of this maturity is the way they deal with such dating issues.
However, most of my experiences have shown me whether a person leads you on, or cancels dates, or plays "games" has more to do with their core personality than their age.
For example, I have been dating two younger ladies, aged 21 and 25. In the last few months, I have also dated ladies who are 28,29,31,35 and 39.
The most consistent of the ladies were the one who are 21,25 and 29.
The other three, aged 28,31,35 and 39 were flakey in the extreme.
SO , my recent experiences have taught me to focus on the person rather than their age.
This doesn't mean that people don't mature; they obviously do but I am pretty sure that their core values and personality will change to a lesser degree or not at all.
CHeers,
That IS interesting...more about their personality than being considered mature.
Now....are you saying this behaviour is NOT a bad thing, if it's based of personality?
Usually, I guess since what occurs is not all pleasant, I guess it to be more maturity level.
I figured older women would be more upfront, cool and stable about it. I thought they were better at dealing with confrontations <shrug> I am not sure thou gh.
I figured older women would be more upfront, cool and stable about it. I thought they were better at dealing with confrontations <shrug> I am not sure thou gh.
I've observed that having an avoidant personality has no age.
I was wondering, if someone you make a date with keeps leading you on..example...you make plans with them, they are suppose to call you back to firm up a time , figure out what movie thats playing, etc.
They say to call them on a certain day...you call...leave a message, and they don't call back....so you get a hold of them later, and they say, "Oh ...gee, sorry, I got caught up working late that night....how bout we go out schedule something for Fri night? I'll call you Fri afternoon!"
You do this , say about 2 times. At this point, should you confront them and say, "Hey, listen, what's going on here? Do you really want to go out with me or not or do you like to play games?"
Or do you just not even contact them ever again if they lead you on like that?
This woman is in her 40's, and I'd expect a whole lot better from a woman tha age...I think that's why I was sucked in actually....I ASSUMED that since she was past the age of 40, that her excuses WERE indeed legit, ,and not the same excuses as an 18 year old girl.
I think it's best just to simply ignore people like that or to act that way with them yourself.
If someone keeps flaking on me, I would stop calling and just let it go. I would not confront them with anything as it'd be pointless.
I agree with this. The same person can only continue to misuse us if WE let them do it.
But. If it has become a familiar pattern for OP (with different individuals), then it's likely calling for an exploration of what/why/how the psyche is attracting that to itself.
The experiences we get aren't reliant upon age. We'd also attract 50, 60 and 99 y/o's who are into whatever behaviour we dislike...until we resolve whatever is malfunctioning in the "equipment & tools" we use to attract.
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
If it has become a familiar pattern for OP (with different individuals), then it's likely calling for an exploration of what/why/how the psyche is attracting that to itself.
Very true. Oftentimes flakiness can be caused by one party being too aggressive/persistent.
Sorry, I dont get what you mean
Yeah, I even had a woman actually GIVE Me her number, I figured she was inteersted in me...but I found out she's just a social butterfly that just likes giving out numbers.
That IS interesting...more about their personality than being considered mature.
Now....are you saying this behaviour is NOT a bad thing, if it's based of personality?
Usually, I guess since what occurs is not all pleasant, I guess it to be more maturity level.
I figured older women would be more upfront, cool and stable about it. I thought they were better at dealing with confrontations <shrug> I am not sure thou gh.
Not really . This behavior is a bad thing because it is part of person's personality. Of course our personality does change with age, but I am not sure that we can expect drastic changes.
My personal experience is that young women, in general, are flakier than middle aged women, but the differences are not as marked as you would expect.
Many upfront women in their 30's, 40's and beyond were just a upfront in their 20's.
So yes, I do thing that personality and values ingrained by the family are a better determiner than age.
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