He told me that he misses me and that he would change whatever I want him to change as he realises how much I mean to him and how is cannot stop thinking about me and knows he has been a prick - He has asked me to have dinner with him so we can talk about things
I told him I feel like something has died with us and that I think what we had is gone - He insisted that we can sort this out and that he would do whatever it is that is needed for us to be ok and that he knows it is his behaviour that has caused this.
My honest feelings are that you cannot change a person but that they can make changes if they so wish and I am torn!
What was the reason for the break-up? The great majority of the time issues that caused a break-up are still there and will resurface. Personally, I would not think that six weeks is enough time to change. Have you spoken during the six week period that you were broken up? If so, do you have any idea of how he was attempting to change?
Lishy, 6 weeks isn't very long. I know you still have feeling for him? What were the reason's for the break up? Do you think you could handle meeting him to talk things through, or are you done with him? I don't think people can change unless they honestly want to for themselves. People don't change for others!
Just remember, as I have learned on this forum that actions speak louder than words!
I do still have feelings for him and I do miss him still but I know that unless he tries to change for HIMSELF and not just for me it wont work.
The issues I have with him is that he is unreliable (says one thing and does another) and I have felt very let down by him in the past due to the fact that he can be self centred at times.
I dont know if I will meet him face to face, I guess I am scared that things will not change
When he rang me yesterday he asked what I was doing and I said I was going to drop my son to my mums and go out with my friend and he offered to have my son for the night which he has never done! He has also given up smoking dope although I have never asked him to as he says he wants to change and knows that he can.
he would change whatever I want him to change...
I told him I feel like something has died with us and that I think what we had is gone - He insisted that we can sort this out
Lishy, the challenge might be that, in his mind, he'd be making changes just to be with you; just FOR YOU -- that's setting YOU up to be the 'target' when things go awry for him, or when he starts feeling resentful, angry or frustrated about the relationship, or the things he'll be working to change.
I'm also not crazy that he wants to "insist" something different for you, than you are feeling within yourself, about the relationship and its chance for a bright and happy future. He does NOT know better than you about your feelings and doubts...does he?
I totally agree that any individual with the desire and determination to change can do so. But it needs to be that s/he sees how the changes are valuable and positive for the Self...whether or not there is a specific external "prize" at the end of it. The prize and pride need to be on the inside (if that makes sense?)
Still. It's a tough decision -- wishing you good Wisdom and Guidance.
EDIT: Sorry...missed your earlier post where you already said these are your concerns.
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
If he really wants to get back together, he will be at your door with an engagement ring. I would accept nothing less than the grand gesture. (Don't tell him this though, it has to come from him.)
If he really wants to get back together, he will be at your door with an engagement ring. I would accept nothing less than the grand gesture. (Don't tell him this though, it has to come from him.)
Oh I dont want an engagement ring
I just want to be happy and I am happy in my own skin and he could make life even happier if he could change these things as our relationship was 80% happy - It was only when he got so childish and selfish that I felt miserable
Why not just take it very slow and see how he is? The best thing I read when trying an old relationship again is treat it like a new one and take time to rediscover each other.
Have been here and it was nice. My ex really did change but whatever changed inside of me was the problem. I couldnt let go of the anger and hurt. But...........once he gave up i felt at a loss. We never get ouR gaddamn timing right. So frustrating. When the love is there its there, but when 2 people are incompatable it seems to never FIT RIGHT---it will show up in another area.
My advice....let him sweat some more. Wait a week or so, then do dinner. See how it is. Please be cautious!! I know you will be !!:d good luck. How exciting. Im happy for you
I think you need to forget this guy altogether. You are not even sure if he is longterm potential (marriage/kids). If you don't know this by now, then he's not "the one."
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