So, I hadn't heard from the guy I wasn't all that into (Dave) in almost a week. I got home from a business trip last night and was exhausted so I stayed in. I became incredibly bored, so I texted him hello. He responded immediately, and said he was surprised to hear from me. Why? He said, "Well, I figured if you were into me, you'd call me. I didn't want to push the issue."
By Dave's rules, if a girl is into a guy, SHE contacts HIM.
Okay.
On the other hand, certain guys - such as the text dumper, or other guys who I AM/WAS into - don't want to be called. They want to have the upper hand.
By TD's rules, if a guy is into a girl, HE calls HER. If she preempts this act by calling him first, he's turned off.
In other words, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
So I say: Do whatever the eff feels right TO YOU. The right person will pick up what you're puttin' down.
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...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
I must say, maybe it's the guys I go for, but my longest relationships resulted in my being the chaser. Actually now that I think about it, that was all my relationships. In many of them, they were more into me than I into them, also. So IMO those he's just not that into you rules don't apply at all.
That said... if those are his rules, I think there's something wrong with his self-esteem. Or he's a liar.
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And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
I think that men's "phone call etiquette" is different. In my experience, I have always had men call me if they were interested. If they dont call I just conclude that they weren't into me.
Let me ask you a question though: Why did you text him? I know you said you were bored, but if you aren't "into" him then what was the purpose of the text? Was it just a friendly hello type deal?
If you adjust your behavior to what you think the other person expects from you, you'll just always be guessing. The fact is if someone digs you, then it doesn't matter much what you do. If you call right away, they won't mind. If you wait, they'll be glad to hear from you when you do call.
It's best not to worry about it. Just do what feels most comfortable and have faith that things will work out ok. But also don't be rude or neglectful.
I must say, maybe it's the guys I go for, but my longest relationships resulted in my being the chaser. Actually now that I think about it, that was all my relationships. In many of them, they were more into me than I into them, also. So IMO those he's just not that into you rules don't apply at all.
I've always been the chaser too. If I chased and they wanted to be caught, we had a great relationship....and like you, they were more into me than I probably was. However, if I chased and they didn't want to be caught, well...then it went nowhere. The only thing I think I need to learn as a result is when to stop chasing.
I actually read this book the other day that women are instinctively chasers, and men are instinctively distancers. Pretty interesting read, actually.
I think that men's "phone call etiquette" is different. In my experience, I have always had men call me if they were interested. If they dont call I just conclude that they weren't into me.
All I'm saying is that many times, I bet you were wrong.
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Let me ask you a question though: Why did you text him? I know you said you were bored, but if you aren't "into" him then what was the purpose of the text? Was it just a friendly hello type deal?
I don't really know why I did, to be honest. I had told him I'd get in touch when I got back from my business trip, so part of me was just following through with my word. However, it was largely due to boredom.
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Originally Posted by Trialbyfire
Star, it's true. Do what feels right for you.
On the otherhand, do you want to be the one always pursuing?
I didn't mean to imply that I'm always the one pursuing. I don't chase if they're running away (or, I try not to, anyway). They do chase back, or at least stand still long enough to be caught.
Thing is, I've NEVER been one to sit back and WAIT for things I want to come to me - either professionally or romantically or otherwise. It's just not in my nature. I go after what I want. Why should my feelings towards a dude be any different?
I didn't mean to imply that I'm always the one pursuing. I don't chase if they're running away (or, I try not to, anyway). They do chase back, or at least stand still long enough to be caught.
Thing is, I've NEVER been one to sit back and WAIT for things I want to come to me - either professionally or romantically or otherwise. It's just not in my nature. I go after what I want. Why should my feelings towards a dude be any different?
Then go for it. Do what feels right for you. Perhaps this is a way to find a guy who meets your needs.
If you adjust your behavior to what you think the other person expects from you, you'll just always be guessing. The fact is if someone digs you, then it doesn't matter much what you do. If you call right away, they won't mind. If you wait, they'll be glad to hear from you when you do call.
It's best not to worry about it. Just do what feels most comfortable and have faith that things will work out ok. But also don't be rude or neglectful.
I agree. Really, if you're really into someone (or they you), nothing you can do to break "the rules" will really matter.
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Originally Posted by vonerik012
Is this the guy you had the best date ever with from myspace?
For the upteenth time, I haven't dated anyone FROM MySpace.
That said, I don't know which guy you're talking about. Both not-into-him Dave and the new best-date-ever guy were guys I got BACK into touch with as a result of MySpace. The dude I texted last night was Dave.
Then go for it. Do what feels right for you. Perhaps this is a way to find a guy who meets your needs.
That's what I'm thinking.
I may get rejected in the process, which will suck, but at least I'll be doing what feels right for me. The right guy won't get scared away because I call him 2 days after a date when he intended to call me on the 3rd day...ya know?
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Damned if I do, damned if I don't!
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