Friends with someone who has an over protective boyfriend

Billy413 · 4th September 2008, 6:50 PM

So since the beginning of last school year I've been friends with this girl. And later on I started to like her. I asked her out twice over the course of last year and she said no both times which is fine. We were still friends. Then at the end of the year, she started going out with this kid guy in the next grade up and I really didn't care. But later on in the year, the other kid found out some how that I used to like the girl and was still friends with her. I know she didn't tell him because she's not like that. But then he became way overly protective and he would start trying to kiss her and be all close to her whenever I came around. Then the kid said he wants to fight me and if he sees me outside of school he will.

Well I really like talking to the girl, but this kid makes it impossible. Any suggestions?

Suiyobi · 4th September 2008, 8:52 PM

C0ckblocked by some douchebag. If you give a damn, beat the crap out of this dude. If you don't, then ignore him and let nature take its course. It all boils down to how much the situation is worth it to you. Because apparently, the girl's not interested in you, so you need to make the call as to how far you really want to take things.

Billy413 · 4th September 2008, 8:56 PM

She's not interested enough to go out with me but we're really close. The kid is pretty big, and I would probably lose in a fight, but if he touches me I'll fight him. I don't care if I lose or get hurt. I'd rather lose the fight then my dignity. And if he fights, me, whether he wins or loses, a lot of people, (including his girl) will totally not like him anymore. So I'm good with that. But I think I'll just try to talk to her as much as I can until something happens.

BklynGuy · 4th September 2008, 9:37 PM

Be VERY careful about people and their partners. Some people are HIGHLY insecure and WILL HURT YOU just to prove a point or to seem bigger. IMO, It doesn't seem worth it. I'm sorry, but unless she's YOUR girlfreind for a long time or YOUR WIFE...DON'T RISK IT.

There are many other females out there that you'll like and that WILL LIKE YOU BACK. Find your own, leave HIM and HIS ALONE. DON'T cross into the danger zone.

But I think I'll just try to talk to her as much as I can until something happens. BUT, you don't know WHAT WILL HAPPEN....so don't leave it all to chance. Take your warnings and HEED them. Do what's best for you and her...leave it alone. Once a guy gets turned on to you, especially like this, WATCH OUT. I've learned this through personal experience.

Billy413 · 5th September 2008, 2:07 AM

This seems like a very logical method of thinking but he's got a stranglehold on her, and she's talked to me about it. She is perfectly fine talking to me about how not perfectly fine she is with him. So I don't see how talking to a good friend of mine should stir him up. And if it does, then so be it. That's his problem. He isn't someone that's going to majorly hurt or injure me. I know that. But I don't want this to turn into what HE can or can't or will or won't do.

Trialbyfire · 5th September 2008, 2:15 AM

I'm confused. Is this girl so useless that if she's unhappy, she can't break up with the guy? Think about it. Are you 100% certain she's not stirring this up for the sheer drama of having two guys fighting over her? After all, she told you she was unhappy, so what would stop her from originally telling her b/f that you asked her out in the past and still like her?

Ronni_W · 5th September 2008, 3:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy413

But I don't want this to turn into what HE can or can't or will or won't do.

Possibly if you put yourself in his shoes you might see it -- say it's your g/f who is unhappy and talking about you/it with some other kid guy that used to like her...wouldn't that stir you up, too?

Secondly, she is getting some kind of (warped) satisfaction out of the current situation. Does she know her b/f is looking to fight with her "good friend"? Is she okay with that?

It's not ever going to be about what HE can or can't, will or won't do. As long as she is his g/f, whatever he does or doesn't do (as related to you and/or her relationship with you) will have HER explicit or implicit stamp of approval. And as far as her relationship with him, it's also going to be about what SHE accepts or does not accept for herself.

Think on it...she is choosing to still be with a guy who doesn't get how immature and idiotic it is to use physical violence as a communication and/or coping tool -- nevermind the fact that this guy threatened physical harm to her "good friend". (Your posts suggest that you think the guy is capable of it...so I'm guessing she thinks/knows the same.)

Cut and run, is my recommendation. She may even be using you to stir up her b/f even more. Maybe when he gets all hot 'n steamed, she mistakes it for passion and/or an indication of how much he is into her.

BklynGuy · 5th September 2008, 8:33 AM

I used to talk to a girl that was the same way. Always complaining about how she isn't happy with her b/f and inviting other guys into her life. She would just use them to fix her short term problems in her relationship, never mentioning her role in it.

Some girls will use another guy to cause drama and stir up problems. Again, think from his point of view. You never know what people are capable of.