[notgoodatthis]

A year ago today, I met a girl who I fell hard for. I really, really liked her a lot and I thought she felt the same. For two months, we were virtually inseparable and spend every day and night together. Things seemed perfect and her parents and friends loved me. She went on a three day cruise, screwed some guy, came home and left me for him as soon as she got home. Well, a month later, she came back wanting a second chance and disclosed she got herpes from this dude. It's like she played the "i'm sorry, i miss you, by the way i now have herpes, take me back". Anyway, after I didnt take her back, things got ugly and eventually moved out of the complex. Funny thing, I still miss her and think about her every day. I'm trying to figure out why that is! Does anybody relate?

[Spectre]

Bwahahahahahha. I'm pretty sure you posted this topic before, or someone posted one just like it, but her cheating and then getting herpes is just plain awesome. Any girl who is thinking about cheating come and read this story.

As for why you miss her? Well, she was probably a decent chick before she whored herself out. Don't go back to her tho, not only will you catch a disease but there is no reason to settle for someone like that.

[bish]

Originally Posted by notgoodatthis

A year ago today, I met a girl who I fell hard for. I really, really liked her a lot and I thought she felt the same. For two months, we were virtually inseparable and spend every day and night together. Things seemed perfect and her parents and friends loved me. She went on a three day cruise, screwed some guy, came home and left me for him as soon as she got home. Well, a month later, she came back wanting a second chance

Dont you do it man. She doesn't deserve a 2nd chance.

and disclosed she got herpes from this dude.

oh man, now you REALLY don't take her worthless butt back. You aren't really considering taking this skank back are you??

It's like she played the "i'm sorry, i miss you, by the way i now have herpes, take me back". Anyway, after I didnt take her back, things got ugly and eventually moved out of the complex. Funny thing, I still miss her and think about her every day. I'm trying to figure out why that is! Does anybody relate?

sorry man, can't relate. I'd have written her off as a ho and never given her a 2nd thought.

[eric82]

this isn't about him longing for a 2nd chance with her, it's about him missing her. there's a difference. i can definitely relate. brace yourself, this is going to be a long one...

here's what i think it comes from. us missing a person isn't even really about that person, it's about ourselves. it's about us missing the way we felt in that relationship.

my ex-ex ended things almost 2 years ago and now has a son with her boyfriend (her boyfriend ironically has the same name as me, how's that for some nice icing on the cake). so like your ex's std situation, knowing that she has had a baby with someone else, i could never go back, but i still miss her. it's crazy. i can only assume she's happy with the life she has chosen and i'm glad for her because really that's what i want for her more than anything: happiness.

with all that said, it still doesn't change the fact that i still miss her and at the same time wonder why i miss her. sure i have come a long way since the end of that relationship, so much so that i'm sure no one would suspect that deep down i could still be somewhat hung up on losing her, but not a day has gone by that i haven't thought about her and wondered if she ever thinks about me.

i continue to think of her not because i long for her but because she meant so much to me. in essence my brain is still processing the reality of her departure from my life. in reality, it is what it is, no matter what things could have been.

note i keep saying things in relation to me, because really that's what getting over someone is all about, it's personal. i felt loved. i fell for her. i believed her when she said "i love you" first. i felt hurt when she withdrew emotionally and then left. i struggled to make sense of it all. i blamed myself a lot. i get frustrated with myself for not moving on yet, especially since i know we're both better off. without her i have learned so much about myself and life, and i'm sure she's better off without me in her life because she's happy with her baby and her relationship.

i think what this feeling of missing her comes down to is i miss who she was to me, the wonderful feelings i had with her (that connection, appreciation, trust, happiness, love, whatever you want to call all of it), and all the potential i saw with her. i know that someday i'll find some other lucky woman to go through all this heartache and disappointment with again . hey, as they say, stress builds character and a life without pain is not worth living.

she taught me a lot about myself by leaving and for that i'm grateful. i see now that all love comes from within one's self and thus no matter what happens in my life, my love can't be given or taken away by anyone but myself. this is empowering.

but i must admit, trying to make sense of why i still miss her is still very confusing. some times i laugh at myself for how obsessive and scary it is to still have her recycling in my mind after this long. it's no wonder she's gone, who wants that kind of overwhelming pressure? psycho (*points at self*). some times i feel crazy and pathetic for still shedding tears over her, but i just keep reminding myself that every time i cry not only affirms the depth of how much she truly meant to me, but also becomes another step closer to my personal growth and recovery. i was brave enough to let her into my heart, i'm brave enough to let her go. healing just takes time.

emotionally charged associations are very difficult to break and redefine. some times i fear that i have become so used to recycling these memories and feelings that i have become more comfortable dwelling on my past with her than getting over it. this is especially the case whenever i'm driving home by myself after having a fun night out with friends. i can't help but some times feel lonely and sad. perhaps it's because it reminds me of the funner times i used to have with her, but more often it's not on that conscious of a level. during these times i tend to remind myself that my fun and happiness never started nor ended with just her or any one person or romantic relationship i have been in. some times i wonder if subconsciously, my thoughts revert back to her out of some twisted form of guilt for moving on, a dark craving for familiar heartache.

emotions and relationships are strange. i showed her parts of myself that i have never shown anyone else, not even my closest family members and friends and i have dealt with deaths in my immediate family including sudden unexpected fatal heart attack and suicide. i have always been the private type that shows little emotion. but not with her, i wanted her to know the real me inside. i guess that's why losing her hit me so hard, i felt like she knew me better than anyone. oh well, life always goes on.

if anything, i have learned that healing isn't something that you do, it's something that just happens. there's no need to rush it, just take it as it comes. sure healing may take much longer than expected or wanted, but recovery happens on its own timeline and eventually happens regardless of whether you're trying. quite frankly, i'm looking forward to getting on with my life.

[notgoodatthis]

Originally Posted by eric82

this isn't about him longing for a 2nd chance with her, it's about him missing her. there's a difference. i can definitely relate. brace yourself, this is going to be a long one...

here's what i think it comes from. us missing a person isn't even really about that person, it's about ourselves. it's about us missing the way we felt in that relationship.

my ex-ex ended things almost 2 years ago and now has a son with her boyfriend (her boyfriend ironically has the same name as me, how's that for some nice icing on the cake). so like your ex's std situation, knowing that she has had a baby with someone else, i could never go back, but i still miss her. it's crazy. i can only assume she's happy with the life she has chosen and i'm glad for her because really that's what i want for her more than anything: happiness.

with all that said, it still doesn't change the fact that i still miss her and at the same time wonder why i miss her. sure i have come a long way since the end of that relationship, so much so that i'm sure no one would suspect that deep down i could still be somewhat hung up on losing her, but not a day has gone by that i haven't thought about her and wondered if she ever thinks about me.

i continue to think of her not because i long for her but because she meant so much to me. in essence my brain is still processing the reality of her departure from my life. in reality, it is what it is, no matter what things could have been.

note i keep saying things in relation to me, because really that's what getting over someone is all about, it's personal. i felt loved. i fell for her. i believed her when she said "i love you" first. i felt hurt when she withdrew emotionally and then left. i struggled to make sense of it all. i blamed myself a lot. i get frustrated with myself for not moving on yet, especially since i know we're both better off. without her i have learned so much about myself and life, and i'm sure she's better off without me in her life because she's happy with her baby and her relationship.

i think what this feeling of missing her comes down to is i miss who she was to me, the wonderful feelings i had with her (that connection, appreciation, trust, happiness, love, whatever you want to call all of it), and all the potential i saw with her. i know that someday i'll find some other lucky woman to go through all this heartache and disappointment with again . hey, as they say, stress builds character and a life without pain is not worth living.

she taught me a lot about myself by leaving and for that i'm grateful. i see now that all love comes from within one's self and thus no matter what happens in my life, my love can't be given or taken away by anyone but myself. this is empowering.

but i must admit, trying to make sense of why i still miss her is still very confusing. some times i laugh at myself for how obsessive and scary it is to still have her recycling in my mind after this long. it's no wonder she's gone, who wants that kind of overwhelming pressure? psycho (*points at self*). some times i feel crazy and pathetic for still shedding tears over her, but i just keep reminding myself that every time i cry not only affirms the depth of how much she truly meant to me, but also becomes another step closer to my personal growth and recovery. i was brave enough to let her into my heart, i'm brave enough to let her go. healing just takes time.

emotionally charged associations are very difficult to break and redefine. some times i fear that i have become so used to recycling these memories and feelings that i have become more comfortable dwelling on my past with her than getting over it. this is especially the case whenever i'm driving home by myself after having a fun night out with friends. i can't help but some times feel lonely and sad. perhaps it's because it reminds me of the funner times i used to have with her, but more often it's not on that conscious of a level. during these times i tend to remind myself that my fun and happiness never started nor ended with just her or any one person or romantic relationship i have been in. some times i wonder if subconsciously, my thoughts revert back to her out of some twisted form of guilt for moving on, a dark craving for familiar heartache.

emotions and relationships are strange. i showed her parts of myself that i have never shown anyone else, not even my closest family members and friends and i have dealt with deaths in my immediate family including sudden unexpected fatal heart attack and suicide. i have always been the private type that shows little emotion. but not with her, i wanted her to know the real me inside. i guess that's why losing her hit me so hard, i felt like she knew me better than anyone. oh well, life always goes on.

if anything, i have learned that healing isn't something that you do, it's something that just happens. there's no need to rush it, just take it as it comes. sure healing may take much longer than expected or wanted, but recovery happens on its own timeline and eventually happens regardless of whether you're trying. quite frankly, i'm looking forward to getting on with my life.

Very well said. Now it all makes sense why I miss her still. Love is not something that can be rationalized, it's a feeling inside that does not know the difference between right and wrong. To an outsider, she is a stupid slut that does not deserve my love. To me, she albeit is a cunt, I still miss how I felt when I was with her. Thanks.

[LakesideDream]

Originally Posted by notgoodatthis

Very well said. Now it all makes sense why I miss her still. Love is not something that can be rationalized, it's a feeling inside that does not know the difference between right and wrong. To an outsider, she is a stupid slut that does not deserve my love. To me, she albeit is a cunt, I still miss how I felt when I was with her. Thanks.

notgoodatthis, Sometimes you end up missing them for a decade, or two, three... even four. It's not a matter of good and bad, or right or wrong. It's often a matter of what the heart wants, or remembers.

Don't worry about it. There is nothing you can do. Time helps of course. But in my case, even after two plus decades I could spend an hour, listening to music... thinking about what was, and what might have been. It wasn't/isn't bad though. Just buck up buddy.