I am a 24 year old woman. I have a high profile client who is about 55. To complicate matters more, I am one of HIS clients as well. We have gotten to know each other quite well over the past year and have become pretty good friends. This guy has a history of being kinda sexual with me- When we first met and I told him I was getting married, he tried to convince me everytime I saw him that I shouldnt get married. He didnt say why he thought I shouldnt get hitched... but he made it a point to say that at least once a week. He will say semi sexual things to me sometimes, but it kinda goes along with his profession though (dont really want to elaborate for privacy sake) so I usually just laugh it off. A few months ago, I found myself becoming attracted to him. We would talk all the time, I would send him random text messages (very sparingly though) and just yank his chain when he would come into the office- but nothing sexual just innocent flirting. One week he went on vacation, and I sent him a text to say that I missed him and hoped he would come back soon. Within 30 minutes, his office manager was calling my cell phone reminding me that he was "sitting in meetings all week" and that he wanted to "make sure we were on the same page". I figured he didnt feel the same way I did, so I let it go but we of course stayed friends. We talked about it and he told me that there was "a line there" because I was his client. Then a few weeks ago, I pulled him aside to make sure I wasnt making him feel uncomfortable when he was around me, and he got really quiet and told me that if I wasnt married, he would ask me out. Ok... so I am extremely confused. One month he wants to make sure we are on the same page (and doesnt even have the guts to call me himself and tell me) then the next he tells me he would ask me out if I were single. I am in the midst of a separation now but he does not know that as I have kept it private. He is always telling me what a beautiful person I am and he will try to tickle me or hug me when he sees me... and the other day when I mentioned going on a trip to Cali, he told me that I should have married someone who could afford to give me that lifestyle (he can definately afford it.) And then the other day he says "Bye, love you, see you next week"..... What is going on here?????? I will take any advice I can get! I dont think he is playing games as he is not that type... but what do you guys think he wants??????
I'm sure he likes how young and attractive you make him feel, as well as wanting to sleep with you - but worries about the practicality and complications of sleeping with a much younger engaged client. I would be curious as to what his reaction would be if you told him that you broke the engagement and have fallen in love with him. Its hard to say if he would reciprocate and remove himself from a position of conflict of interest to be with you, or if he would withdraw and blame it on the 'line' that shouldn't be crossed. If he is married, you can pretty much count on some form of the latter.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
First, you're married. Why don't you focus on your marriage first, whatever direction it is leading? It's immoral, whatever stage your marriage is at, for you to get involved with another man as a married woman.
Second, is he married?
Third, are you okay with the fact that he is probably older than your father? In 10 years, he can be retired and 5 to 10 years after that, he might need a wheel chair, while you're at your prime. Are you ready to deal with that? Or, are you just looking for a fling, short-term "thing?"
Hello whyme and welcome to The Shack! I hope you realize you're going to get all kinds of responses here... and here's mine!! My first impression is one of nausea - you're 24 and he's 55?!? Eeeewwwww. How can you stomach it?? Another thing that jumped out at me was, he's tickling and hugging you whenever he sees you? That's totally inappropriate for a professional relationship... and others are watching. Protect yourself and your career! That should always come first.
You're 24, young and energetic, you've got tons of options, the world is your oyster. This guy is just one of many. He's being a typical guy - seeing how far he can get with you - although he's more blatant about it than most. He probably has a history of this behavior with other women professionally. Although I don't sense anything sinister, I think you should draw some boundaries with him in a good-natured way... kinda back away slowly, and definitely don't take any of it seriously!! Concentrate on the tasks at hand - you're doing business with him, and you want to keep a good professional relationship with him.
You're also going thru a separation/divorce, which is rough on anybody. You're probably a little vulnerable emotionally right now. Be careful not to read too much into all this attention he's giving you; although it may be flattering, it's not a very reliable balm for the angst of going thru such a devastating experience as a divorce. It takes awhile to get your balance back. Give yourself some time. You're going to be all right.
Good luck! And let us know how you're doing.
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"I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." -Albert Einstein
Personally, I read this post and I feel slightly ill.
Please don't try to feign ignorance. You don't sound like you're stupid, so I think you know perfectly well what this guy wants. He wants to get into your pants.
Now, having said that: what's the matter with you? You're newly married for god's sake. You are being colossally disrespectful to your new husband. If you're going to try the "it's just innocent flirting" line, ask yourself a question: would you carry on in exactly the same way if your new husband were standing over your shoulder, watching you? I'd bet a pound to a pinch of shyt that you wouldn't. You've already crossed the line by sending this guy flirty messages telling him you miss him, and he's done the same. If this goes on unchecked, I give it three months max before you spread your legs.
You sound like my ex-wife. If you're not going to muster up a shred of allegiance to your husband, at least have the balls to do the right thing, end your marriage that you apparently don't care about anyway, and stop wasting your husband's time. Let him go so he can find a partner who won't put so much effort into disrespecting him so soon after getting married. He deserves far more than you're giving him.
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See the bird with the leaf in her mouth
After the flood, all the colours came out.
-- U2
Last edited by reservoirdog1; 4th September 2008 at 11:13 AM..
Personally, I read this post and I feel slightly ill.
Please don't try to feign ignorance. You don't sound like you're stupid, so I think you know perfectly well what this guy wants. He wants to get into your pants.
Now, having said that: what's the matter with you? You're newly married for god's sake. You are being colossally disrespectful to your new husband. If you're going to try the "it's just innocent flirting" line, ask yourself a question: would you carry on in exactly the same way if your new husband were standing over your shoulder, watching you? I'd bet a pound to a pinch of shyt that you wouldn't. You've already crossed the line by sending this guy flirty messages telling him you miss him, and he's done the same. If this goes on unchecked, I give it three months max before you spread your legs..
Agreed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reservoirdog1
You sound like my ex-wife. If you're not going to muster up a shred of allegiance to your husband, at least have the balls to do the right thing, end your marriage that you apparently don't care about anyway, and stop wasting your husband's time. Let him go so he can find a partner who won't put so much effort into disrespecting him so soon after getting married. He deserves far more than you're giving him.
Hell yeah!
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Fill a life with your love and take good care of it. Let it grow and cherish it.
I apologize, but I missed the part in your original post that you're going through a separation at the moment. Totally my bad. Most of what I said thus doesn't apply.
This man is not married (divorced). He has a great job, is a wonderful father and a great role model in general. He is well respected by society.
I am not necessarily ok with the age difference. I havent necessarily decided my position on the entire situation in general actually. I figured I must first try to understand what he is looking for, and then I can look into it further from my point of view. At this point, I have no expectations for it one way or another... I'm just trying to figure out the attraction in general and if it makes sense for me to pursue it in the future. Granted he is a lot older than me... and we may not have a ton of "quality" years together... but what if those 15 or 20 years or so are the happiest years of my life? Would it be worth it?????? And is he interested in finding that out?? If he is interested then why did he tell me that certain things are "crossing the line"???? Thats what I'm trying to figure out :-)
I'm seeing flashing red signs up ahead saying "STOP". How about this idea...put this little "thing" you have with gramps on hold until you've decided what's going on with you and your hubby. If you're going to divorce, ok, but don't be sneaky behind his back in the process. End this before you start another.
Sorry, but it just seems like bad decision making in my opinion and a lack or respect and fairness on your end towards your "husband".
Sit back and look at the big picture here. Don't leave things off on an ugly note with your marriage.
Why are you so worried about what this guy is really thinking? Get back to reality, at least until you've worked things out with your current situation.
__________________ Be the chess player, not the chess piece. Do your own thinking independently.
This man is not married (divorced). He has a great job, is a wonderful father and a great role model in general. He is well respected by society.
I am not necessarily ok with the age difference. I havent necessarily decided my position on the entire situation in general actually. I figured I must first try to understand what he is looking for, and then I can look into it further from my point of view. At this point, I have no expectations for it one way or another... I'm just trying to figure out the attraction in general and if it makes sense for me to pursue it in the future. Granted he is a lot older than me... and we may not have a ton of "quality" years together... but what if those 15 or 20 years or so are the happiest years of my life? Would it be worth it?????? And is he interested in finding that out?? If he is interested then why did he tell me that certain things are "crossing the line"???? Thats what I'm trying to figure out :-)
I think you're making the assumption that men think the way we women do. THEY DON'T - not even close!! They typically don't think beyond the tip of their penis, if you catch my drift. He obviously has a huge physical attraction to you, but he's acting like a flake (getting somebody else to call him for you... cryptically telling you he would date you if you were single... woulda coulda shoulda) - it's all just conversation.
Again, I would chill out on him for now, if I were you. You've got way bigger problems on your hands than him - you're separating from your H! Slow down, pace yourself - there's no rush. Get through the issues with your H first... I'm sensing that you are both still on the fence about divorcing?? There are just too many things still up in the air for you right now. Getting involved with someone else would only complicate things exponentially for you. You need to have your head on straight to deal with a new man. Dating is hard enough even when you're NOT breaking up with someone else!!
Don't you think this is a little two close for comfort, since you're clients of each other? It's one thing to get romantically involved with someone who's a client at a distance, like in a corporate client situation, where he's at arms-length to the normal chain of command you interact with, and another if he's a direct client, as you are his.
To take this into a potential future, what kind of work drama can this create, if things don't work out?
I'm also wondering why you're keeping your separation a secret from him. I can't see any ethical reason for it. Only more games.
I'm wondering what you see in this man beyond success and money. Are you seeing a solution to all your problems, in that you'd like him to provide you with a lifestyle you'd enjoy?
then why did he tell me that certain things are "crossing the line"????
Did he say "are crossing" the line, or just that there is a line "there" (somewhere)?
He already mentioned one of his lines is that you are a client. Another might be that he is also struggling with the fact the he finds himself more attracted to a 24 y/o than he may want to be. Maybe there is an "ewww" going on inside of him, if he never before had any desires for a much younger woman.
All of that said, it does make more sense (to me), to complete your separation/divorce proceedings before expending energy on this potential connection. I think it was wise to not tell him about that...if you can, keep it under wraps until it is a done deal -- no need to further cloud already-murky waters, IMO.
BTW, I wouldn't have taken it as fact that he told office manager to ensure "same pages." Could be that, for the week, manager was responsible for monitoring his electronic communications for crises/emergencies. And manager decided on his own to put a stop to what he (rightfully) saw as an unprofessional text message to his boss. (As an office manager, I'd do the same thing...especially if I was aware of the age difference and unaware of boss's own unprofessional behaviour.)
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
wow. Its nice to know that some people on here are so judgemental --> For your information "signedin2008", I happened to discover my so called "husband" was cheating on me with another woman. So you should shut your mouth and think before you start judging me and calling me a slut. You dont know all sides of the situation and I never cheated on him during the time we were together. The divorce papers have been filed. What a piece of work you must be!!!!!! LOL!
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